Nut A Good Idea

, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the register at a sandwich shop.)

Customer: *completely earnest* “I have a question about your cookies. I see here there are some labeled “White Chip Macadamia Nut.” Does that mean there are white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts?”

Me: “I… uh… yes.”

Customer: “So then I can’t give them to my son with a nut allergy, right?”

Me: “That would be a bad idea, yes.”

Customer: “All right, let me have one of those for me and one chocolate chip for my son.”

Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea, ma’am.”

Customer: *getting irritated* “Well, why not? Do the chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?”

Me: “Well, no, but they do come into contact with nuts in several places. Like when we’re baking them, or when we use the same tongs to grab them. Or the display case in front of you where the chocolate chip cookies are touching the macadamia nut cookies…”

Customer: “Fine, then, I won’t get him any cookies. Just give me my sandwiches and two small drinks.”

Me: “Uh… I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? I paid you didn’t I?!”

Me: “Um… you haven’t ordered a sandwich yet.”

(Luckily my manager came back from break and we were able to sort everything out before it escalated.)

Some People Can Drive In Their Sleep

| USA | Health & Body

(I’m working an evening shift. I notice a woman in line with her mouth open and eyes closed. I stare for just a moment before thinking she may be disabled and therefore I was being rude. After a moment, one of my associates comes over to me.)

Associate: “Do you see that woman?!”

Me: “Yeah… why? What’s up?”

Associate: “She’s messed up!”

Me: “Like… uh, how?”

Associate: “Like she passed out standing up. She dozed off… I was like ‘Ma’am?’ but I didn’t know what was going on. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but I didn’t want to be rude.”

Me: “Passed out?”

Associate: “Yeah, she freaked herself out when she woke up, too. She dropped all her stuff suddenly.”

Me: “What? Wow, um, I thought maybe she was autistic or some kind of disabled. Maybe she’s narcoleptic?”

Associate: “Or on drugs. I hope she’s okay. Should I ask? Would it be rude?”

Me: “I… I don’t know.”

(She eventually gets down to me at the register. Just as my associate had described, she dozed off standing up.)

Me: *softly* “Ma’am? … Um… ma- ma’am?”

(Her eyes flicker open softly. Her mouth still hanging open, she shuffles over to me, one of her eyes opened more than the other.)

Woman: “Heeeeeey!”

(She sounds aloof rather than sick.)

Me: *trying to sound polite and cheery* “Hello, ma’am! So, what did you have today?”

Woman: “Iiit’s, uhhhhhhhh, just aaaa turkeyyyy!”

(I finish the transaction.)

Woman: “Thaaanks!”

(She walks out.)

Associate: “See?!”

Me: “Yeah… she sounded more or less fine but she definitely passed out standing up.”

Associate: *looking out the window* “And she just tripped and fell outside.”

Me: “What?”

Associate: “She got up and walked off… but, yeah, she just straight up fell outside right out the door. I hope she didn’t drive here.”

Me: “Yikes…”

Needs An Email Without Fail

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I answer the phone at work.)

Customer: “I’m trying to place a catering order online, but it seems to be malfunctioning.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. The most we can do is tell our IT department about the problem and they can look into it. However, I can take your order over the phone if you’d like.”

Customer: “I guess that could work. After I give you my order, you guys will send me an e-mail confirmation?”

Me: “…Well, no, ma’am, we don’t typically send confirmations for orders taken over the phone. The e-mail confirmations are the system telling you that the order was successfully placed. I can personally tell you that your order was successfully placed as I am on the phone with you right now.”

Customer: “Oh, well, maybe I’ll just keep trying. Thanks anyway!”