Nut A Good Idea

, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the register at a sandwich shop.)

Customer: *completely earnest* “I have a question about your cookies. I see here there are some labeled “White Chip Macadamia Nut.” Does that mean there are white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts?”

Me: “I… uh… yes.”

Customer: “So then I can’t give them to my son with a nut allergy, right?”

Me: “That would be a bad idea, yes.”

Customer: “All right, let me have one of those for me and one chocolate chip for my son.”

Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea, ma’am.”

Customer: *getting irritated* “Well, why not? Do the chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?”

Me: “Well, no, but they do come into contact with nuts in several places. Like when we’re baking them, or when we use the same tongs to grab them. Or the display case in front of you where the chocolate chip cookies are touching the macadamia nut cookies…”

Customer: “Fine, then, I won’t get him any cookies. Just give me my sandwiches and two small drinks.”

Me: “Uh… I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? I paid you didn’t I?!”

Me: “Um… you haven’t ordered a sandwich yet.”

(Luckily my manager came back from break and we were able to sort everything out before it escalated.)

Some People Can Drive In Their Sleep

| USA | Health & Body

(I’m working an evening shift. I notice a woman in line with her mouth open and eyes closed. I stare for just a moment before thinking she may be disabled and therefore I was being rude. After a moment, one of my associates comes over to me.)

Associate: “Do you see that woman?!”

Me: “Yeah… why? What’s up?”

Associate: “She’s messed up!”

Me: “Like… uh, how?”

Associate: “Like she passed out standing up. She dozed off… I was like ‘Ma’am?’ but I didn’t know what was going on. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but I didn’t want to be rude.”

Me: “Passed out?”

Associate: “Yeah, she freaked herself out when she woke up, too. She dropped all her stuff suddenly.”

Me: “What? Wow, um, I thought maybe she was autistic or some kind of disabled. Maybe she’s narcoleptic?”

Associate: “Or on drugs. I hope she’s okay. Should I ask? Would it be rude?”

Me: “I… I don’t know.”

(She eventually gets down to me at the register. Just as my associate had described, she dozed off standing up.)

Me: *softly* “Ma’am? … Um… ma- ma’am?”

(Her eyes flicker open softly. Her mouth still hanging open, she shuffles over to me, one of her eyes opened more than the other.)

Woman: “Heeeeeey!”

(She sounds aloof rather than sick.)

Me: *trying to sound polite and cheery* “Hello, ma’am! So, what did you have today?”

Woman: “Iiit’s, uhhhhhhhh, just aaaa turkeyyyy!”

(I finish the transaction.)

Woman: “Thaaanks!”

(She walks out.)

Associate: “See?!”

Me: “Yeah… she sounded more or less fine but she definitely passed out standing up.”

Associate: *looking out the window* “And she just tripped and fell outside.”

Me: “What?”

Associate: “She got up and walked off… but, yeah, she just straight up fell outside right out the door. I hope she didn’t drive here.”

Me: “Yikes…”

Needs An Email Without Fail

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I answer the phone at work.)

Customer: “I’m trying to place a catering order online, but it seems to be malfunctioning.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. The most we can do is tell our IT department about the problem and they can look into it. However, I can take your order over the phone if you’d like.”

Customer: “I guess that could work. After I give you my order, you guys will send me an e-mail confirmation?”

Me: “…Well, no, ma’am, we don’t typically send confirmations for orders taken over the phone. The e-mail confirmations are the system telling you that the order was successfully placed. I can personally tell you that your order was successfully placed as I am on the phone with you right now.”

Customer: “Oh, well, maybe I’ll just keep trying. Thanks anyway!”

Faced With The Obvious

| SK, Canada | Bizarre

(A late middle-aged customer comes in while I’m in the back, so I walk up to the front, putting gloves on as I go. He’s standing slightly far back from the counter, though, so I’m not sure if he’s ready to order.)

Me: “Hi, there! Can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t come in just to stare at your pretty face, sweetheart!”

Not Too Chicken To Confront About The Chicken

, | Lethbridge, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m ordering on a busy day at a popular sandwich chain.)

Me: “I’ll have the egg and cheese, please.”

(The worker puts an egg patty on my sandwich.)

Lady Behind Me: “Ew! Gross! What is that? WHY would you EAT that?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just an egg patty. They’re pretty tasty, actually.”

Lady Behind Me: *grumbles* “Gross.”

(I don’t think anything more of her until it is her time to order.)

Lady Behind Me: “Now, I want a chicken sandwich. But not that chicken. That chicken looks too pink. Do you have anything fresher and more well-cooked?”

Worker: “No, sorry, that’s the only chicken we have.”

Lady Behind Me: “FINE. But if I get food poisoning I’m coming back to sue you PERSONALLY. Now, I want two and a half slices of cheese on the bottom of my sandwich.”

(The worker starts putting cheese on.)

Lady Behind Me: “I said on the bottom!” *now screaming* “ON. THE. BOTTOM. HOW IS THAT SO HARD?!”

(I am now biting my tongue, despite being pretty shy about speaking to strangers. The worker moves the lady’s sandwich to the vegetables section.)

Lady Behind Me: “I want some shredded lettuce.”

(The worker puts a handful of lettuce on.)

Lady Behind Me: “More.”

(The worker adds another handful.)

Lady Behind Me: Less.

(The worker takes some off.)

Lady Behind Me: “More.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD. Go home and make your own f****** sandwich! There’s a grocery store next door. Go buy your own cheese and your own chicken and your own stupid lettuce and quit harassing the employees! As a bonus, you won’t have to look at ‘gross’ food like mine!”

(The customers who had been stuck behind her applaud slowly. The lady turns beet red and storms out, leaving her sandwich. The next customer points at me.)

Next Customer: “I’d like to pay for her sandwich, please!”

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