We Have Confirmation

, | | Right | January 7, 2009

(Our credit card machine went down, and we started to make signs for the doors alerting the customers to this. Before the signs were up, I had to ring up a customer’s order.)

Me: “The total is ****. I’m sorry; our credit card machine is down.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see any signs!”

Me: “The machine just broke five minutes ago while you were still in line. I was just telling my coworker to make signs a moment ago….”

Customer: “I don’t have enough cash. How about debit?”

Me: “Well, debit would use the same machine as the credit cards, but either way our store does not accept debit. Just cash today.”

Customer: “How about a check?”

Me: “Sorry, no personal checks. Just cash today.”

Customer: *getting upset now* “Well, what do you expect me to do?”

Me: “The last customer went next door to use the ATM to get cash.”

Customer: “You’re being extremely rude, you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to explain to you that the credit card machine is down.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t listen!”

Me: “…”

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It Was Only A Suggestion

, | | Right | January 6, 2009

Me: “All right sir, here’s your meal.”

Customer: “Thanks a lot!”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: *serious* “Don’t tell me what to do!”

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That’s A Talented Cow

, | | Right | December 12, 2008

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.”

Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?”

Customer: “Bologna.”

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Leave The Jingles At Home, Please

, | | Right | August 18, 2008

Customer: *singing and dancing* “FIVE! FIVE DOLLAR! FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG!”

Me: “For that, I am charging you double.”

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Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

, | | Right | July 14, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant], what can I get get you?”

Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

(I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5” on it and a list of our five dollar footlong subs.)

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

(She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

(By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood red: this is important for later in the story.)

Me: “Well yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

(She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six inch subs.)

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five dollar subs.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding–wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

Me: “Alright. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

(I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around and leave.)

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