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Your Definition Is Not Current

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(We have an item called the “Chicken Salad;” however, it doesn’t specify what the ingredients of the chicken salad are. I overhear this exchange from my manager and a customer…)

Customer: “Does your chicken salad have bugs in it?”

Manager: *shocked* “What?”

Customer: “Bugs. Does your chicken salad have bugs in it?”

Manager: “What? No! OF course not; it doesn’t have bugs.”

Customer: “Oh, wait! I meant raisins!”

Manager: “Oh! Yes, it has raisins in it.”

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The Mother Of All Fakes

| Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

(I have just finished making a sandwich for a woman when she starts speaking to me as I ring her up.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. Sometimes the spirits just won’t let me keep my mouth shut.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I’m a psychic you see, and I have a message from beyond.”

Me: *not convinced* “Oh, really?” *prompts her to pay*

Customer: “Yes, it’s a message from your mother’s mother.”

(She then looks up at me and grins, I guess I was supposed to be excited. I prompt the machine again which she finally takes.)

Me: “Oh really? Which one?”

Customer: *her head snaps up, frowning* “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother was adopted, so she had two mothers, and both passed years ago.”

Customer: *flounders for a moment before speaking* “The biological one, the one you were closest with, her.”

Me: “Well, that’s funny. I didn’t know her well.”

(The customer finally finishes paying and I hand her her food. She frowns again, then grins.)

Customer: “The one you were closest with. She wants me to tell you she is always watching over you and will be your spirit guide.”

(She tries handing me her “business” card, which I just shove in my apron.)

Me: “That’s funny, as my mother and I also consider ourselves psychic. My mother’s adopted mother isn’t connected to the earth anymore. My mother’s biological mother, however, is connected to her and leaves her gifts and things. Have a nice day. Bye!”

(She stormed out, angry I just outed her. My coworkers and I had fun at her expense, and I looked her up from her business card. She has gotten in trouble for scamming people. I may believe in psychics, but most of them don’t butt into people’s lives, especially at work. You learn to keep your mouth shut; it can ruin a person to hear things like that.)

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Doesn’t Like His Veggies (Questioned)

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(One of our most popular sandwiches is our BLT. Our veggies are optional, however, so some people do not get lettuce and tomato on their sandwich. We just normally ask what veggies they would like on their sandwich. A mother and her teenage son walk in and go through the usual ordering process.)

Me: “Any other sandwiches for you guys today?”

Mother: “Nope, we’re good!”

Me: *asking the son* “And veggies on your BLT?”

Son: “…”

Me: “Veggies?”

Son: *rolls eyes and speaks in a very condescending tone* “Well, lettuce and tomatoes, duh! God!”

Me: *stays silent and proceeds to put veggies on his sandwich*

Mother: “CUT THE ATTITUDE, [SON]! She’s not a mind reader! She doesn’t know what the f*** you want!”

(At that point my coworker and I had to hold back our laughter while the son slowly turned red from embarrassment.)