Had A Sub-Standard Education

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

Teenage Customer: “Can I get a ham on wheat?”

Me: “Absolutely. Is that a six-inch or twelve-inch?”

Teenage Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: *speechless*

(The customer’s dad turns to his son and gives him a disgusted look.)

Customer’s Dad: “One’s bigger, a**-hole.”

Order Number One

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I used to work at a cold cut sub shop, and the names of the sandwiches are pretty straightforward — but we usually, for whatever reason, get weird variations of said sandwich names, even if the staff says it correctly. This happened more than I’d like to admit.)

Me: *as cashier* “Hello! How are you? What can I get you today?”

Older Woman: *looks at menu* “Hmmm…I’d like the number one, the Pee Pee, please.”

Me: *eyebrows slowly raise, cheerful smile keeping me from laughing* “Ah, the number one, Pepe.” *pronounced PEH-PAY* “All righty, anything else?”

Older Woman: “Yes, the Pee Pee, that’ll be all. Mmmm. That just sounds so good…”

You’re Our Number Two Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Popular

(My manager is in the bathroom pooping when a customer gets the sudden urge to poop. Our bathrooms are one person bathrooms, so the door is locked. The customer gets up and sprints to the bathroom and twists the doorknob so hard it breaks, and the customer barges in and sees my manager on the toilet.)

Manager: “Hi. Welcome to [Shop].”