There’s a regular customer who always comes in with her five-year-old granddaughter who, as she claims, chose to be a vegan. They always order wheat bread and request for the staff to change their gloves and to use a new knife.

One day, there’s no line, and I see the woman come in. On that, I immediately take off the gloves I’m using and go to the back to get a fresh knife, and when I return, I wash my hands and put on a fresh pair of gloves, while in view of the woman. As soon as I am at the counter, ready to take her order…

Customer: “My granddaughter is a vegan. Can you go get a new knife and change your gloves?”

Internal facepalm.

I stopped at my favorite sandwich shop today and ordered my usual six-inch submarine-type sandwich. When I was handed the wrapped sandwich, it looked a LOT longer than six inches.

Me: “Is this really a six-inch sub? It looks more like a footlong.”

Server: “Yes, it is definitely a six-inch sub.”

When I got home, I measured the thing, and it was a bit over ten inches in length. It was a “whole loaf” rather than the usual loaf cut in half. However, upon opening the sandwich itself, I found that there were two inches of plain bread at each end. No filling. So, it was really a six-inch sandwich stuck in a ten-inch loaf, with an extra four inches of plain bread.

The “smaller” contents were quite good, anyway!

I’m one of five working the service line that is out the door with a line of university students heading home from the bars. I’m making a customer’s sandwich and in walks a drunk guy trying to fight with the customer I’m serving.

Customer: “I don’t know you. Please leave me alone.“

The drunk guy won’t let up, so I leave the service line, walk around the counter, spin him around by his shoulders, and proceed to walk him out of the store.

Drunk Guy: “You can’t do that to me!“

Me: “I just did.”

He exited the store. I walked back, washed my hands, and picked up where I left off. Not long after, I noticed my police officer regulars putting the drunk guy in their cruiser.

The customer gave me a $10 tip!

Three friends and I are going to a sandwich chain for lunch. It’s set up so you start at one end (with a big ORDER HERE sign) and pay at the other (with a PAY HERE sign). It’s how every store in this chain is set up; it’s not hard to figure out.

We line up and start the process of making our selections. Two people get behind us, so now there are several people making a very conspicuous line that, wonder of wonders, just happens to be following the signs.

I’m next in line and as I get started on ordering, a man walks in. He plants himself in front of the veggies and just stares at the menu.

The employee and I shrug at each other. My sandwich gets made and the employee moves on in the line.

Customer: *Bellows* “I WAS HERE FIRST! GOD, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET SOME SERVICE IN THIS COUNTRY?!”

The whole line is staring at him like he just lost his mind. Aside from the fact that he came in long after my friends and the other customers, he’s standing in the middle of the ordering line!

Employee: *Politely* “Sir, all of these people were here before you. You’re not even in line. The line starts over there behind the man in the green jacket.”

Customer: *Still yelling* “NO! I WAS IN THIS SPOT BEFORE THOSE STUPID KIDS AND I REFUSE TO MOVE!”

Employee: *With the sweetest smile in the world* “No, you were not, sir. And if you won’t get in line properly, then I guess I just won’t serve you until after the man in the green jacket is finished getting his order.”

He ranted and raved while the next four people got their sandwiches. The girl behind the counter never responded to him; she just kept making sandwiches. 

My friends and I stayed inside to eat just so we could watch his theatrics. To be fair, it was entertaining to see him grow increasingly dramatic with waving hands and stomping feet. He spent a while ranting about the failure of customer service, about how she would never amount to anything in her life, and about how she had been trash in the past, was trash now, and would remain trash in the future.

And he did it all in the face of this completely indifferent employee, who smiled so sweetly and brightly at every other person she served. It was the most professional middle finger I had ever seen someone give a rude person.

When he realized that the employee just didn’t care and continued to ignore him, he finally stomped out and tore out of the parking lot with squealing tires.

I work at a sandwich place where the entire process is on display. A customer comes in and puts the order under Dave. The order goes down the line.

Me: “Dave?”

No response.

Me: *Louder* “DAVE?”

No dice.

Me: “[Coworker], do you know where Dave is?”

But it’s the lunch rush and they can’t place a face to the name. All right, no big deal. We are located in a plaza so it’s common for people to order and then leave to do a bit of quick shopping before coming back to grab their food. They usually inform us, but not always.

Five minutes pass:

Me: “Dave?”

No luck. Now I’m starting to wonder if he had to rush off for some reason. The guy already paid for his food, after all. Maybe he had an emergency?

Five minutes after that, a guy comes up, clearly irritated.

Customer: “Where is my food? I’ve seen half a dozen people that were behind me already leave with theirs!”

Me: “My apologies. Can I get the name for your order so I can look you up?”

I assume we gave this guy’s food away to someone else. It happens occasionally, and I am already mentally preparing to shower this guy with coupons and give him a refund for wasting his time.

Customer: “My name is Steve.”

Me: “All right, Steve let me take care of you real quick.”

But alas, there is no Steve within the last hour of orders.

Me: “Sorry about this, sir, but I’m having trouble finding you. What did you order?”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t; I ordered just twenty minutes ago. I got [order].”

Well, doesn’t that sound familiar?

Me: “Oh, wow, my apologies. I’ve been calling out that order for some time now! For some reason, we have the order under Dave! I’m really sorry about that; sometimes we mishear the name as it gets a bit loud back here, but usually it is at least close!”

Customer: “Oh, I gave them a fake name.”