I stop by a sub shop to grab a salad before a rehearsal. This shop is near a university, so it is mainly staffed by students like me. I start ordering my food and things progress normally… until a middle-aged woman comes in behind me and starts ranting about a previous order.

Customer: “You know, I was in here last time, and when I got home and looked at my sub, the bottom of the bread was as hard as a brick! It really pissed me off. I mean, you could have thrown it at someone, it was that hard.”

I just try and tune her out, until…

Customer: “I think it was [Employee making my sandwich] who messed it up last time. I don’t think I want her touching my sandwich.”

She continues ranting about her sandwich. This clearly upsets the employee, who starts speaking quietly and fumbles a few ingredients. The ranting customer notices this.

Customer: “Hey, you dropped some of her chicken. You going to do anything about it?”

Me: “It’s fine.”

Employee: *Mumbles.

Customer: “Hrm. Okay…”

The employee rings me up, clearly upset. Once I pay for my food, I work up my courage and linger for a minute.

Me: “Personally, every time I’ve come here, the service and food have been great. Don’t let people get you down.”

I had to run, so I didn’t see the rest of that customer’s ordering, but the smile and relief in the employee’s eyes made me glad I said something.

The most common responses to my questions at a famous customizable sandwich chain:

Me: “Could you pull your mask up, real quick, please?”

The customer pulls their mask even farther down and leans in.

Customer: “What?”

Me: “What kind of bread?”

Customer: “Steak.”

Me: “What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Heated or toasted?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Any other sandwiches?”

Customer: “Lettuce.”

Me: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “No… Can I have a bag?”

There’s a regular customer who always comes in with her five-year-old granddaughter who, as she claims, chose to be a vegan. They always order wheat bread and request for the staff to change their gloves and to use a new knife.

One day, there’s no line, and I see the woman come in. On that, I immediately take off the gloves I’m using and go to the back to get a fresh knife, and when I return, I wash my hands and put on a fresh pair of gloves, while in view of the woman. As soon as I am at the counter, ready to take her order…

Customer: “My granddaughter is a vegan. Can you go get a new knife and change your gloves?”

Internal facepalm.

I stopped at my favorite sandwich shop today and ordered my usual six-inch submarine-type sandwich. When I was handed the wrapped sandwich, it looked a LOT longer than six inches.

Me: “Is this really a six-inch sub? It looks more like a footlong.”

Server: “Yes, it is definitely a six-inch sub.”

When I got home, I measured the thing, and it was a bit over ten inches in length. It was a “whole loaf” rather than the usual loaf cut in half. However, upon opening the sandwich itself, I found that there were two inches of plain bread at each end. No filling. So, it was really a six-inch sandwich stuck in a ten-inch loaf, with an extra four inches of plain bread.

The “smaller” contents were quite good, anyway!

I’m one of five working the service line that is out the door with a line of university students heading home from the bars. I’m making a customer’s sandwich and in walks a drunk guy trying to fight with the customer I’m serving.

Customer: “I don’t know you. Please leave me alone.“

The drunk guy won’t let up, so I leave the service line, walk around the counter, spin him around by his shoulders, and proceed to walk him out of the store.

Drunk Guy: “You can’t do that to me!“

Me: “I just did.”

He exited the store. I walked back, washed my hands, and picked up where I left off. Not long after, I noticed my police officer regulars putting the drunk guy in their cruiser.

The customer gave me a $10 tip!