In 1981, I worked in a very small family-owned sandwich shop/deli in central Texas. (Real) Texans don’t do ketchup; it’s mayo or mustard, period. Even good barbecue does not get sauced. I was working by myself one afternoon when a “gentleman” came in and ordered a hamburger. With ketchup. Adamantly, with ketchup.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any ketchup.”

Customer: “Fine. Then make a trip to the grocery store to get some. I’ll wait.”

Me: “That’s not going to happen.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I’m [Customer]! I’m a famous tennis player!”

Me: “Okay. I still don’t have ketchup, and I’m still not going to the grocery store to get some.”

I let him throw his little tantrum until he finally realized this young girl was neither intimidated nor impressed by his antics.

He left without a burger with ketchup.

One of my previous jobs was as a bouncer in a biker bar. No, he did not scare me.

We do deliveries within about two to three miles of our store. One of our newer employees is taking a phone call, and he puts the address down and sends the delivery order through. It turns out that the customer is more than half an hour away from our store, but we decide to go through with it anyway because we aren’t very busy tonight. I call the customer back.

Me: “We’re just letting you know that it will take a while to get your sandwiches out to you because of the distance away from our store.”

He begrudgingly acknowledges this, even though he should have known beforehand that we don’t take deliveries that far away. He ends up calling back, furious.

Caller: “Where is my food?! It’s been fifteen minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that isn’t possible when you’re that far away. Would you like to cancel the order?”

Caller: “No.”

I feel like he is calling just to complain. Later on, this guy shows up at our store. He drove more than half an hour to complain about a sandwich! He starts calling our phones over and over, without stopping.

Me: “Sir, can you please stop doing that?”

Caller: “No. I already paid for my order!”

He didn’t, because over the phone he said he was going to pay cash.

Caller: “I’m not going to stop calling the phones until you give me my food, for free!”

We ended up calling the police on him because he wouldn’t leave the store. The police escorted him out.

Later on, that same guy left a review on our website. It was a one-star review in which he lied about everything that happened so people wouldn’t think he was in the wrong.

I’m doing my thing, working my usual evening shift at a sandwich chain, when a woman comes in. I put my game face on.

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Sandwich Chain]! How may I help you?”

The woman doesn’t respond and proceeds to stare at the menu for a very long time… rather inquisitively for ordering a sandwich.

Okay, challenge accepted. I wait patiently as she mutters several times about not knowing what to order. Command from on high says to offer our promotional sandwich to uncertain customers.

Me: “Might I recommend the [Deluxe] sandwich?”

The customer goes from zero to one hundred instantly.

Customer: “I’ll order what I want to order! Give me time! Respect your customers more!”

Me: “Okay. Take your time, then.”

The store isn’t too terribly busy, but I do end up helping several customers while she stares at the menu. Another ten minutes later — believe it or not, I was able to time her staring contest with our menu at a full twenty minutes — she finally decides to order.

Customer: “I’ll have the [Deluxe] with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes. Oh, and don’t forget the olives! If you forget the olives, I’ll be making a complaint! Did you get all that?!”

Me: “Yes.”

I start making the sub. I get the bread out to begin and look up to see her walking out the door.

Me: “Ma’am? You forgot your sub… and to pay me…”

She goes from zero to one hundred again.

Customer: “I’ll be back for it later! I’ve got errands to run and I can’t wait for my food to be cooked!”

Aaand she leaves. Now, as most people would know, sandwiches in most of these types of chains are made in front of you, and we have to make them in under two minutes or we’re penalized. Our sandwiches aren’t cooked but may be toasted, which takes only about fifteen more seconds. We are NOT an order, leave, and pick up later type of restaurant. You can imagine my manager’s confusion when I tell him what happened.

I stare down at the sliced bread in my hands.

Me: “So… um… do… do I just make the sandwich and then wait?”

Manager: “I… I don’t know. Do you think she’s actually coming back?”

Me: “She said she was.”

Manager: *After thinking for a few seconds* “Skip it. We don’t know how long she’s going to be gone, and I have nowhere to stick a sandwich for God knows how long it will take her to come back. I’ll handle her rage if she gets mad about it not being made.”

Sure enough, she’s gone for two hours, and we’re now into the dinner rush with a line. I’m slaying it, with my manager in the thick of it helping me out.

The woman storms past the entire line.

Customer: “I’m back. Where’s my sandwich?! It had better be hot or I’m not paying for it!”

My manager and I just give her the double poker face. It doesn’t take much for the manager to cotton on to who this lady is.

Manager: “The end of the line is over there. You can wait your turn and put your order in like the rest of these people, or you can get your food elsewhere.”

Yet again, she hits one hundred.

Customer: “You didn’t even make it yet?! I’m not paying for this! I ordered two hours ago and you worthless f***s didn’t even get started cooking it?! I should sue you all for making me wait longer for my food!”

Manager: “We don’t cook our sandwiches. If you wanted your sandwich fresh, you should have stayed to receive it when it was made. As of now, you can get to the back of the line or get out of my restaurant!”

Customer: *Making enraged noises* “You people are so rude to your customers!”

She stormed out. My manager apologized to the line, but nobody really batted an eye. Our tips were really good from that line, and one teen complimented [Store] for providing a show to go with her meal.

I am working in the evening at a sandwich shop and answer the phone.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Sandwich Shop]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Yeah, we just came through the drive-thru and you guys messed up every single sandwich.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but—”

Caller: “No! You don’t interrupt me, you let me finish!”

Me: “But, ma’am—”

Caller: “No, you listen here! We asked for only tomatoes and peppers on my husband’s sandwich, and you guys put on every topping under the sun!”

Me: “If I may—”

Caller: “No! You let me finish!”

It is totally dead and I am working alone, so I just half-listen to her rant about all the things that are wrong with the sandwiches and how we were so incompetent.  

Caller: “Now, what do you have to say for yourselves?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, as I tried to tell you, this location does not have a drive-thru.”

Caller: “What do you mean? Isn’t this the store at the corner of First and Main?”

Me: “No, we’re at the corner of Fifth and Main.”

Caller: “Well, what’s their number?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have it. They’re owned by a different franchisee.”

This is pre-smartphone days so I can’t look it up.

Caller: “Well, that’s just great!” *Hangs up angrily*

I stop by a sub shop to grab a salad before a rehearsal. This shop is near a university, so it is mainly staffed by students like me. I start ordering my food and things progress normally… until a middle-aged woman comes in behind me and starts ranting about a previous order.

Customer: “You know, I was in here last time, and when I got home and looked at my sub, the bottom of the bread was as hard as a brick! It really pissed me off. I mean, you could have thrown it at someone, it was that hard.”

I just try and tune her out, until…

Customer: “I think it was [Employee making my sandwich] who messed it up last time. I don’t think I want her touching my sandwich.”

She continues ranting about her sandwich. This clearly upsets the employee, who starts speaking quietly and fumbles a few ingredients. The ranting customer notices this.

Customer: “Hey, you dropped some of her chicken. You going to do anything about it?”

Me: “It’s fine.”

Employee: *Mumbles.

Customer: “Hrm. Okay…”

The employee rings me up, clearly upset. Once I pay for my food, I work up my courage and linger for a minute.

Me: “Personally, every time I’ve come here, the service and food have been great. Don’t let people get you down.”

I had to run, so I didn’t see the rest of that customer’s ordering, but the smile and relief in the employee’s eyes made me glad I said something.