Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Right | March 25, 2014

(I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

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Stop Acting So Sicily

| San Diego, CA, USA | Romantic | March 15, 2014

(I am part Sicilian along a few other nationalities. While at a sandwich shop with my boyfriend I notice him looking at the menu.)

Me: “Do you feel like having a spicy Italian?”

Boyfriend: “I already have a spicy Italian.”

A Recipe For Disaster

| USA | Working | March 10, 2014

(My spouse has celiac and is on a gluten-free diet. We’ve stopped into a place while driving and are trying to determine if he can eat anything. Many cream-based soups contain flour as a thickener.)

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have an ingredient or allergen list for the broccoli cheese soup?”

Cashier: “I don’t know what you mean by ingredients.”

Me: “Uh… a list of what’s in the soup?”

Cashier: “What’s IN it?”

Me: “You know; what’s it made with?”

Cashier: “Broccoli. Oh, and cheese.”

Me: “And … what else?”

Cashier: “That’s all.”

(We didn’t eat there.)

Pure Polite Is A Rare Delight

| TX, USA | Working | February 19, 2014

(My wife and I go to a sandwich chain restaurant for lunch. There’s a decent line, but the employees are working quickly so the wait isn’t long. My turn comes up to order.)

Me: “I would like a foot-long [bread], please.”

Worker #1: *visibly flinches* “Okay, and what would you like on it.”

Me: “I would like a [sandwich] with cheddar, please.”

Worker #1: *flinches again* “And would you like that toasted?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(I move down the line to the next station. Worker #2 looks at me expectantly.)

Me: “I would like pickles, tomatoes, and light mayo, please.”

Worker #2: *visibly flinches* “Anything else?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(We complete our order, and I go to get drinks while my wife pays for our meals. I overhear the cashier talking to my wife while I’m out of sight.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, your husband had us worried. Usually when people are extremely polite, they end up exploding and throwing a fit at some point. That was just totally weird to have someone be polite the whole time!”

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Only Half Listening

| Timmins, ON, Canada | Working | February 17, 2014

(I stop at a popular sandwich shop for lunch and order a 12-inch steak and cheese sandwich. All goes well and the young man does a great job, but at the final stage…)

Sandwich Artist: “Will that be all, sir?”

Me: “Looks good. Could you cut it in half before you wrap it up, please?”

(This is normally done without asking.)

Sandwich Artist: “Sure thing. How many pieces do you want?”

(I’m a little by surprise by the question, so I think I misheard him.)

Me: “In half, please.”

Sandwich Artist: “Yes, but how many pieces?”

Me: *with a touch of obviousness in my voice* “I don’t know. How about two?”

Sandwich Artist: *rolls eyes* “You could have said that in the first place!”

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