Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “Do you want ham?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”

One Person’s Smash Is Another Person’s Treasure

| Oklahoma, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”

Old Habits Die Hard

| Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, welcome to [sandwich shop]. Is this for here or to go?”

Customer: “It’s to go. What do you have that is good?”

Me: “Well, it’s all good. Do want hot or cold food?”

Customer: “I guess cold. Do you sell things other than sandwiches?”

Me: “Yes, we have salads, too.”

Customer: “Great, I am so tired of sandwiches! That is all I have eaten all week.”

Me: “What would you like?”

Customer: “I guess I will take a regular size roast beef sandwich.”

Does Your Sandwich Measure Up

| Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am a 19 year old female worker in a sub shop. A 20-something customer comes in with his girlfriend.)

Customer: “So, you work at [sandwich shop]?”

Me: “Yea? Why?”

Customer: “So, you know how to handle a foot long eh?”

Me: “Yes, yes I do.”

Customer: “Oh, good, so you can handle me, eh?”

Me: *playing along* “I doubt you’re a footlong but, yeah, I guess.”

Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “See! Even she knows you have a huge ego.”

(His girlfriend goes on to order a 6 inch sub. I make it and hand it to her.)

Customer’s girlfriend, to customer: “Well, this is more like it, eh, babe?”

Half A Sandwich For Half A Brain

| Yorktown, IN, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in a sandwich shop where you can purchase a foot-long or six-inch sandwich. Two women walk into my shop.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Woman #1: “We want half a sandwich, each.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that today. What kind of bread would you like?”

Woman #2: “Wheat, but we only want half of it, each.”

Me: “That’s no problem. Six-inch sandwiches are very common. Now, what kind of–”

Woman #1: “No! We want half of that!”

Me: “Uh, okay, so you want three inches, each?”

(The women both look at each other and nod. I cut a six-inch piece and hold it up.)

Me: “Okay, just so we can clarify before I cut it, I’m cutting this piece in half and you want half of it, each. If you like, I can just charge you for one six-inch since you’re getting the same kind of sandwich.”

Woman #1: “Alright, that’s good. Thanks for the offer.”

(I start cutting the bread into three-inch pieces.)

Woman#1: “What are you doing?!”

Me: *startled* “Well, I’m giving you your three-inch sandwiches.”

Woman #2: “No! We wanted one of those each!” *points at the other half*

Me: “So, you each want a six-inch sandwich?”

Woman #2: “No! We want half a six-inch!”

Me: “Ma’am, our regular sandwich is twelve inches. The one you just pointed at is six-inches.”

Woman #1: “I don’t care for your measurements! Just give us what we want!”

Me: “You want a six-inch then.”

Woman #2: “No! We want half!”

(This goes on for about 10 more minutes. They end up getting a six-inch each and then demanding that I give them the deal I’d offered. In the end, they both paid full price, mumbling about my incompetence.)