Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

| Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

Tray And Tray Again

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(The bagel and sandwich shop I work at switches from disposable paper plates to re-washable plastic trays for our ‘for here’ orders. We haven’t been supplied with an exceedingly large amount of the trays. Many of our customers end up dumping them in the trash when they’re finished.)

Boss: “[Me]! Grab some plastic bags and gloves, and follow me outside.”

Me: “Okay, what are we doing?”

Boss: “Trash diving.”

Me: “…”

(He’s not kidding. We triple bag our shoes and jump in the dumpster to cut through our trash and fish out as many trays as we can. We manage to find nearly three dozen in among eight trash bags.)

Me: “[Boss], I want a raise.”

Boss: “I’ll think about it.”

(Later, fed up with more trays disappearing, the Boss brings in a role of caution tape. He uses it to tape a tray onto the push-door of each of our trash cans. Then he secures another tray to the area where trays are supposed to be left. The end result is a VERY obvious visual giving the message of, “Don’t throw away these trays, place them HERE!”)

Boss: “OKAY! So, how long do you think it’s going to be before another customer throws a tray away?”

Me: “People are pretty stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first one does.”

Boss: “Seriously, right?”

(Sure enough, a few minutes later a customer gets up to leave. She goes to toss her trash and gets caught up as she sees the taped tray to the door. We watch as she slowly looks at the trash can, then up to the tray-receptacle, then back down to the trash can. Then she dumps it all, tray included, into the trash can. My boss throws a silent fit until the customer leaves. We all crack up at him as he rushes out front to dig the tray out of the trash.)

Boss: “I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE!”