A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic

| Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(A lot of middle and high school students from all over the state are in town for an event. The shop is slammed, but we’re doing our best to move the line along quickly. The board behind me lists our 18 different cold sandwich options in huge letters. It also states the bread sizes: small, medium, and large.)

Me: “Hello. What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Um… can I have a… medium sandwich?”

Me: “Sure thing. What kind of sandwich would you like?”

Customer #1: “Medium?”

Me: *pointing at the board behind me* “Absolutely, what kind of meat and cheese would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer #1: “Um… white bread?”

Me: *grabbing a medium white roll* “Okay, and what kind of meat would you like? We have ham, turkey, roast beef…”

Customer #1: *starting to look confused and angry* “Just a regular sandwich!”

(The customer gestures at the sandwich belonging to the customer in front of him, which already has lettuce and tomato on it, obscuring the meats.)

Customer #1: “Like that one!”

Me: “Okay, so that one’s a ham, turkey, and provolone. Would you like that?”

Customer #1: ” … ham.”

Me: “Great! Any cheese?”

Customer #1: “I just want a regular sandwich!”

(I quickly make him a ham and American cheese sandwich, pass him to the next person working the line, and turn to my next customer.)

Me: “Hello, miss! What can I get for you today?”

Customer #2: “Can I have a… small sandwich?”

Me: “Absolutely. What kind of meat and cheese?”

Customer #2: (staring at the board) “Oh, I guess wheat bread?”

(It was a long day.)

Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

| Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”