Lettuce Tell You What You’re Doing Wrong

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh… I think I want a burrito.”

Me: “Okay. What kind of rice and beans in there?”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian? I can’t eat meat.”

(This didn’t seem too strange to me, because some people do make beans with a bit of meat in them. I tell her that the only things on the line that aren’t vegetarian friendly are the meats.)

Customer: “Ok… is the chicken vegetarian?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Is that, what is it, steak? Vegetarian?”

Me: “Again, none of our meats are vegetarian. But I can put some grilled vegetables in if you like.”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then proceeds to ask about every single thing on the line. I kept trying to reiterate that everything else on the line is, indeed, vegetarian. She kept asking anyway. Thinking she might be trying to mess with me, I decide to see if she’s calling my bluff or not.)

Customer: “Is the lettuce vegetarian?”

Me: “No.”

(It actually is, since it was literally just chopped lettuce. But the customer doesn’t miss a beat.)

Customer: “Okay, then I don’t want any of that. Is the cheese vegetarian?”

(That may have been the longest order I had to fill. She was a nice girl, though. I guess she just had no idea what vegetarianism was.)

Foot-Long Time To Get There

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(A customer came in with a coupon that allowed her to get two footlong sandwiches for $10. She also got a drink, making her total $12. When she was rung out, she tried to just give me a $5 bill.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s $12.”

Customer: “But why? It should only be this much!” *continues to try to just give me the $5*

Me: “Well, the coupon says the two foot-longs are $10, plus you have your drink.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense; it shouldn’t be that much.”

(The conversation went on for about ten minutes, with a line building up behind her. Eventually, after explaining her total several times, it finally clicks.)

Customer: “OH. Oh, I’m sorry.” *gives me the right change*

Next Customer: *loud enough that the previous one can hear* “She just really didn’t get that, did she?”

Banana-Drama

, | Toledo, OH, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in a sandwich shop. Due to a recent string of customers ordering sandwiches “with everything” and complaining when a topping they didn’t want is on the sandwich, or telling us which optional toppings they want by ordering them WITHOUT certain optional toppings and then again complaining when it’s not made “right”, we’ve started to require every customer to be very specific with what they want to order on each sandwich. Our most popular sandwich is a Philadelphia cheesesteak, listed on the menu as having steak, cheese, and then listing six optional toppings.)

Customer: “I want a Philly cheese steak.”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to add to that? It only comes with meat and cheese; the other listed toppings are optional.”

Customer: “No banana peppers.”

Me: “Those actually don’t come on it; they’re just an optional topping. All I need to know is what you DO want.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No banana peppers.”

Me: “Again, those are optional; I just want to know what you want to ADD. The Philly only comes with meat and cheese by default.”

Customer: “So none of that other stuff is on it?”

Me: “No, but we can add it if you ask for it.”

Customer: “Okay. I don’t want any banana peppers on it.”

Me: “They don’t come on it. What would you like to ADD?”

Customer: “No banana—”

Me: “Sir, the sandwich does not come with banana peppers already on it, so I can’t take them off. I only need to know what you want me to ADD TO the sandwich, not what you DON’T want on it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I gotcha. So you only need to know what I want on there other than the meat and cheese.”

Me: “Yes!” *thinking he finally understands*

Customer: “Well, no banana peppers…”

Me: *screams internally*

Take Note Of That Joke

| UK | At The Checkout, Money

(I supply sandwiches to office workers by taking a selection round to their offices. One of my regulars picks out a tortilla wrap.)

Customer: “Can I pay with plastic?”

Me: “What, for £3.40? Sorry, but I can’t accept cards …”

Customer: *pulls out a new Winston Churchill £5 note*

Me: *cracks up*

(The UK has recently introduced a new £ note made of plastic.)

Got The Meat-Balls To Stand Up To Him

, | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work at the front desk in a government office. While at my station at the front desk, a coworker is speaking with a young man, very near me in the lobby. I can easily overhear the conversation in which the young man is describing how he likes to go through the lines at sandwich restaurants and “just for fun” say the sandwich was bad, and make them re-do his sandwich. It was a fun game for him, and sometimes he even received the “bad” sandwich too, or would even get a free sandwich “for the trouble.” As I hear him say this, I think “What an a**hole!”, but say nothing. About a week later, I go to lunch at the local sandwich shop. I find myself in line behind this young man. I don’t recognize him at first, but who he is gradually dawns on me as I watch him. He is looking right at the sandwich maker as she is putting his meatball sub together and sure enough, when he gets to the register, he says it is wrong and wants another because it has too much sauce. At that point I know what is happening and decide to call him on his game.)

Me: “Why didn’t you tell her it was wrong while she was making it?”

Customer: “I wasn’t looking.”

Me: “Yes, you were. I was watching you. You were staring at her the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME.”

Customer: *getting flustered* “No, really, I wasn’t looking.”

Me: *getting adamant* “Yes, you were. I SAW YOU! You were staring at her, watching her make that sandwich the whole time. If you didn’t like the way she made your sandwich, you should have told her AT THE TIME. THAT’S WHY THEY MAKE THE SANDWICHES IN FRONT OF US!!”

Customer: *flustered* “But it’s…”

Sandwich Maker: *she doesn’t know what I know about him* “Ma’am, it’s really okay.”

Me: *to her* “NO, IT’S NOT! If he didn’t like the way the sandwich was being made” *me turning to him* “HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU AT THE TIME!” *back to sandwich maker* “He was looking at you the whole time!”

Sandwich Maker: *stares at me with eyes wide and slack-jawed, not knowing what to say*

(I keep laying it on him and he remains flustered while the sandwich maker’s coworkers make him another which he accepts and pays for, and then makes a quick dash out the door. The line workers and the manager are all gathered around the register and a couple staff persons are peeking out the doors to the back area and all are looking at me in awe.)

Manager: “Here. Why don’t you take this?” *holding out the “bad” meatball sub*

Me: “No, but thank you. I’m vegetarian.”

Manager: “Take it. You could give it to someone…”

Me: “But I can’t eat it. Why don’t you have it?”

Manager: “No, really, we can’t eat it. If we keep it here, it will have to be thrown away.”

Me: *while the injustice of a cow losing his life only to be thrown away flashes through my mind, I reply* “Okay, I’ll take it back to work and see if anyone wants it.”

(So I left with two sandwiches, and as it turned out, my supervisor was a devout carnivore, and even though he’d had lunch already, was very fond the meatball subs from that shop and decided to take one for the team and have two lunches! He also remembered the young man, and agreed that he was an a**-hole. I can only hope that in the future, that young man will think twice about what might be a “fun game.”)

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