(The hardware chain I work for sets up a Christmas tree lot every year and sells fresh-cut trees. One evening, a customer comes into the lot ahead of his family, who are still getting out of the car.)

Me: “Good evening! Tree hunting tonight? Are you after anything in particular?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know anything about them. I’m just looking for a tree.”

(I launch into a quick explanation of the three types of tree we carry; Noble firs, Douglas firs, and Grand firs.)

Me: “…and so Noble firs are pretty popular, since they hold their needles a bit better than the Douglases, as well as having stronger branches.”

(A few moments later, the customer’s wife and children catch up and walk into the lot. The customer, beaming with his new-found understanding of Christmas tree nuance points a tree out to his wife.)

Customer: “This is the kind of tree that we want. It has better needles than the others, because it has what you call, noble fur!”

(I am a customer standing in line at the bank. Two customers behind me start complaining about the length of the line.)

Customer #1: “Look at this! It’s ridiculous!”

Customer #2: “They are moving so slow! The workers should get fired for being so lazy!”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes. When I draw even with the complaining customers in the switchbacked line, I decide I can’t take it anymore and speak up.)

Me: “Look at the windows, ladies! Every one of them has customers who didn’t take the time to fill out their slips. Now the tellers have to do it for them, and that takes twice as long! They’re the ones holding up all of us, not the nice people trying to help them!”

(I’m talking loud enough for everyone at the windows to hear, hoping maybe next time they’ll wise up.)

Customers #1 and #2: *shocked*

Me: “Let me guess. Wanna borrow my pen?”

(The complaining customers sheepishly agree and fill out their slips. Three or four others in line also grab slips and start scribbling, while the customers at the windows look suitably embarrassed. When I finally get to a teller window, she leans towards me and confides in me.)

Teller: *whispering* “Thank you, from everyone here! I wish I could save the security tape of that!”

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(A customer who’s about 85 years old approaches customer service. It is Father’s Day.)

Customer: “Where do you keep your belts?”

Me: “Over in the men’s department.”

Customer: “And where do you keep your grooming sets?”

Me: “In the men’s department, as well.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! I’m buying a Father’s Day present for my dad and grandfather!”

(I tell him he’s welcome and turn back to what I was doing. I notice a few seconds later that he’s still there.)

Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

Customer: *grinning widely* “Do you believe me?!”

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