Try Some Phish Food Instead

, , , , | Romantic | June 10, 2017

(My husband and I are trying to figure out what to have for dinner.)

Husband: “I mean there’s seafood… or breakfast food. Breakfast fish?”

Me: “I’m not so sure breakfast fish is a thing.”

Husband: “Well you never know. I mean, there’s fish candy.”

Me: “You mean Swedish fish?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Me: “Those aren’t fish flavored.”

Husband: “Oh.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Did you really think they were fish flavored?”

Husband: “Little bit.”

(After some more thought, we realized there ARE breakfast fish dishes: kippers, smoked salmon, and fried catfish and eggs, among others.. But Swedish fish still aren’t fish flavored.)

1 Thumbs
228

Doesn’t Know Wheat You Mean

, , , , , | Working | January 19, 2016

(My older sister is gluten-intolerant, meaning that her intestines get very unhappy when she eats anything with wheat. My uncle, on his way to our home for dinner, decides to pick up a dessert for her to eat.)

Uncle: “Do you have anything that’s gluten-free?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any free items.”

Uncle: “No, GLUTEN-free. No wheat.”

Employee: “Sir, we don’t serve any free items.”

Uncle: “Gluten-free. You know, no wheat.”

Employee: “Sir, I told you, we don’t have anything for free.”

(This went on until he gave up. My sister didn’t get dessert that evening.)


This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Read the next Celiac Awareness Day roundup story!

Read the Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

1 Thumbs
606

Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2013

(I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

Client: “Oh, [Doctor], can I ask one more question?”

Vet: “Of course!”

(The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

Client: “Is that possible?”

Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

Vet: “Only with the magic of Photoshop.”


This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

Read the next Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup story!

Read the Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,642

Customer, Know Thyself

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2012

(I am a customer standing in line at the bank. Two customers behind me start complaining about the length of the line.)

Customer #1: “Look at this! It’s ridiculous!”

Customer #2: “They are moving so slow! The workers should get fired for being so lazy!”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes. When I draw even with the complaining customers in the switchbacked line, I decide I can’t take it anymore and speak up.)

Me: “Look at the windows, ladies! Every one of them has customers who didn’t take the time to fill out their slips. Now the tellers have to do it for them, and that takes twice as long! They’re the ones holding up all of us, not the nice people trying to help them!”

(I’m talking loud enough for everyone at the windows to hear, hoping maybe next time they’ll wise up.)

Customers #1 and #2: *shocked*

Me: “Let me guess. Wanna borrow my pen?”

(The complaining customers sheepishly agree and fill out their slips. Three or four others in line also grab slips and start scribbling, while the customers at the windows look suitably embarrassed. When I finally get to a teller window, she leans towards me and confides in me.)

Teller: *whispering* “Thank you, from everyone here! I wish I could save the security tape of that!”


This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

Read the next Bank Customer roundup story!

Read the Bank Customer roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,482

Humor Is Generational

, , , , , , | Right | July 21, 2010

(A customer who’s about 85 years old approaches customer service. It is Father’s Day.)

Customer: “Where do you keep your belts?”

Me: “Over in the men’s department.”

Customer: “And where do you keep your grooming sets?”

Me: “In the men’s department, as well.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! I’m buying a Father’s Day present for my dad and grandfather!”

(I tell him he’s welcome and turn back to what I was doing. I notice a few seconds later that he’s still there.)

Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

Customer: *grinning widely* “Do you believe me?!”


This story is part of our Father’s Day roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the Father’s Day roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,518