There’s a nurse practitioner in the clinic where I work whose nickname is similar to a popular chip. He is also quite handsome. He is finishing up with a new client in the waiting area, where my coworker and I sit at the front desk.

Nurse Practitioner: “It was very nice to talk to you today. My name is [Nickname]. Ask for me if you need anything in the future.”

Client: “Your name is [Wrong Name]?”

Coworker: “No, his name is [Nickname], like the snack!”

Client: “Oh! Okay!”

The client and [Nurse Practitioner] leave, and my coworker turns to me.

Coworker: “Oh, my God, I just called [Nurse Practitioner] a snack!”

In 2017, I visited the USA for the first time with my family. One day, we went to a museum that has a planetarium. It’s pretty amazing, but before the projection begins, people need to have their eyes used to the dark.

A member of the museum’s staff talked a bit in order to entertain everyone for a few minutes. I could understand only a few words; I was sixteen and his English sounded different from what I had been studying in school.

At some point, people started to raise their hands. Then, the man said something else and other people raised their hands. The man said a third thing and my father whispered to me in Italian, “Raise your hand.”

I did so without knowing why.

Later, my dad translated what the man had said.

The three questions were, one, “Raise your hand if you’ve already been in a planetarium before,” two, “Raise your hand if you’ve never been in a planetarium before,” and three, “Raise your hand if you don’t even understand what I’m saying.”

My spouse and I are traveling in San Francisco. We decide to use a car rental service that lets people rent out their personal or spare car. Since I’m most familiar with a particular kind of car, we pick that kind to rent. We buy the optional extra insurance on our vehicle, just in case. One of the things I’ve noticed with [Car]s is that there’s a tendency for the back latch to fall off.

So, we use the app and rent someone’s old used [Car]. The back latch is loose, and I know it’s going to fall off. I warn my spouse and mark it in the damages. No problem.

Sure enough, the latch falls off partway through the trip.

This story, though, isn’t actually about the latch. It’s about what we discover when we are cleaning up the car to return it. In the driver’s side pocket, there is a glass tube with brown residue in it, wrapped in tin foil. And underneath the driver’s seat is a mysterious triangular hole cut in the floor of the car for no readily apparent reason.

My spouse and I figure that it is probably a crack pipe and that the car is probably used in some sort of drug smuggling, hence the triangular hole in the floor.

We debate reporting it to the cops. Ultimately, we decide not to because we are on vacation and we are afraid of what would happen if they got involved.

When we get home, they don’t charge us for the latch… but we charge the insurance we got for the hole in the floor.

I work in a small mom-and-pop-style candle store.

Customer: “Hi, I have a pickup for [Customer].”

I look but don’t see anything.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see your order. What was in it?”

The customer lists a couple of dishes.

Me: “I think you want the restaurant next door.”

Customer: *Looks around* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Considering we don’t sell food here… yes.”

He left, still looking confused.

Me: “Can I have your rewards phone number?”

The customer bends down with her face almost touching the counter and whispers her phone number.

Me: “Could you please repeat it?”

Customer: *Yells* “What are you, deaf?!”

I look at her for a second and reach up to flip my hearing aid out from behind my ear.

Me: “Yes, I am.”

She just looked at me. I don’t think she was expecting that!