(I work as a sales associate at a store that sells a lot of home furnishings, as well as furniture. I work with smaller items like vases and dinnerware. I’m currently working with kitchen products. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’ve got a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that, but how may I be of assistance in handling this complaint?”

Customer: *takes out an ice cube tray* “I have a complaint about this product.”

Me: “Okay. What is wrong with the ice cube tray?”

Customer: “I’ve been using it for about a year and a half and it’s taken on an odd smell.”

Me: *warily picks up the tray and sniffs it to discover that it’s the smell of frozen food bags and general “freezer” smell* “I think this is what it’s supposed to smell like. That’s what mine smells like.”

Customer: “Well, then, something is very wrong with you because it shouldn’t smell like that.”

Me: “I… Would you like to buy a new one?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this one.”

Me: “Well, you just said that you have been using it for over a year, and it smells normal to me. Maybe if you clean it and then clean out your freezer, you can continue using it.”

Customer: “No. I want a refund because it doesn’t smell right.”

Me: “Our policy is ninety days in unused and unwashed condition, with receipt, for a full cash refund, and not only have you used it and washed it, but it’s also been over a year since you bought it.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “About an ice cube tray that smells normal? I’ll get her, but I generally wouldn’t bring back items that cost $10 after a year of use.”

(The customer was so grumpy she had me pull my manager, who reluctantly gave her store credit for the product so that she could keep good faith with the customer.)

(I work in a high-end clothing store. On this day a customer I served a few days earlier walks up to my register with an expensive dress.)

Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you and it didn’t fit me. I’ve got the receipt and spoke with the person who served me, and they said you’d give me a full cash refund?”

Me: “Uh, actually, I’m the one who served you, and no, I didn’t say that.”

Customer: *pauses* “Uh… Really?”

Me: “If you look at the top of your receipt, it says who served you.” *points out where* “See? my name’s right there.”

Customer: “Really? That was you?”

(I tap my name tag.)

Me: “I am, indeed, the one who served you, and I’m afraid that, no, we can’t give you cash back for this, as you purchased the item with a gift card. If you want to return it, we’ll have to give you your money back the same way.”

Customer: “Uh… Well… You know… You guys all look the same to me, so I thought… uh… I mean… D***, guess that’s dead in the water now.”

(She slunk out in defeat. For the record, I have olive skin and black hair from my Italian heritage, and my coworkers include a pale redhead, two Asians, and an African American. Still not sure whether it’s good or bad that a customer apparently deemed us all to be no different from each other.)

Doctor: “How did the new medications work for you?”

Patient: “I’m still waiting for them! The pharmacy still hasn’t called to let me know they are ready to pick up!”

Doctor: “Did the insurance deny the medications?”

Patient: “No, I didn’t hear any response from the insurance yet, either!”

Doctor: “Really? Which pharmacy did you take the prescription to? I can give them a call to check on this.”

Patient: “Oh, I never took it to the pharmacy. I still have the prescription here in my wallet!”

Patient: “I’ve been waiting for a half hour. I am in severe pain and need treatment urgently!”

Doctor: “I’m sorry about that. I want to get you treated as quickly as possible. Let’s walk over right now to the Physical Therapy department. Chiropractic treatments have worked well for you in the past, and we can set you up for some chiropractic treatments right now.”

Patient: “Oh, no, I can’t do that. I am leaving on a vacation cruise for a month. I’ll call to schedule when I get back.”

Doctor: “Did you bring your MRI?”

Patient: “I drove home to get my MRI, and, yes, I got it; but when I was there I was looking in the refrigerator and I saw pork chops, and I started thinking about pork chops for dinner and how great those are going to be! Well, the pork chops forced the MRI out of my mind, and I forgot all about the MRI and left it on the kitchen table!”