When Bowels Camembert It Any Longer

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2011

Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”

Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”

Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

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Hawai’i Spell That

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2011

Customer: “I’d like to add my son to my policy.”

Me: “Okay, what’s his full name as it appears on his license?”

Customer: “Johnathan James Kai’hoalaloai’u Johnson.”

Me: “Can I have you spell the middle name for me?”

Customer: “Which one? He has two middle names.”

Me: “Not James.”

Customer: “K-a-i-h-o, um, a-l, wait. What did I say so far?”

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UV: Under Valued

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2010

(It is mid-afternoon and the sun is starting to directly shine in the windows. The shades are already down but some light still shines through.)

Customer: “It is way too bright. I have very sensitive eyes. You need to do something about the sun.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the shades are already down. Would you like to move to a different table that is away from the windows?”

Customer: “No! I want you to do something about the sun!”

Me: “Sir, I really can’t control the sun.”

Customer: “You can’t do anything? I have very sensitive eyes!”

Me: “I can move you to another table.”

Customer: “No, that won’t work. How about you just stand here while I eat and block the sun?”

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Chinchilla, I Choose You

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a Pikachu?”

Me: *pause* “A Pikachu?”

Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

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Bananas Can Taste Of Bitter Disappointment

, , , , , | Right | February 27, 2010

(We sell bananas next to the cash register with a sign fixture that reads: ‘Bananas – 90 cents!’.)

Me: “Here’s your tall coffee, sir.”

Customer: *looking at bananas* “Oh, so that’s what you call them! ‘Tropical Paradise Bars.’ I’ve been calling them bananas my whole life!”

(I see the banana sign has accidentally been flipped over to read ‘Tropical Paradise Bars – $2.25.’)

Me: “Oh, that’s the wrong sign.” *flips sign back over*

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.” *walks away looking disappointed*

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