And What’s The Name Of That Program That Processes Words?

, , , , , | Working | December 18, 2017

Highly-Trained Engineer: “What was the name of that program you told me? The one you run to get a system update?”

Me:System Update.”

(I present the engineer with a post-it note with “System Update” written, in quotes, on it.)

Highly-Trained Engineer: “I don’t need the sticky; I should be able to remember that.”

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Giving Direction, Sans The Right San

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need directions to your hotel! I am lost!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you know where you are at this moment? On a specific highway? Do you see any signs?”

Caller: *starts telling me street names and buildings she’s passing*

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry; I don’t know where that is. You need to go onto I-35 North, toward Austin.”

Caller: *gets frustrated* “You are horrible at giving directions. How are you working at a hotel and can’t even give me directions to your location!?”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I don’t recognize any street names you’re naming. San Antonio is pretty big.”

(After about fifteen minutes of me trying to tell her which general direction to go and her getting frustrated with me:)

Caller: “Ugh, I’m never coming to San Diego again!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re calling me in San Antonio. I don’t know directions in San Diego.”

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A Bird-Brained Request

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(A gentleman storms in angrily through the door.)

Guest: “I am furious! I parked my car under the tree and birds s*** all over it!”

(I almost start laughing but I realize he is serious.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sir.”

Him: “You need to put signs on the trees warning about the birds pooping on cars.”

Me: “Sir, you want us to put signs on every tree warning not to park there because there are pooping birds in the trees?”

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Pray They Have The Ability To Change

, , , , , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(I am a supervisor. My employee at the attraction booth is relatively new, but by 2 pm, I’ve been called to assist him six times, once every 30 minutes or so. I end up going to his registrar to troubleshoot a nearby computer and observe the following:)

Guest: “Oh, my change is $0.85? Can I give you a quarter and you give me $0.10 back?”

Employee: “Uh…” *looks to me for assistance*

Me: “Yeah, go ahead, [Employee]; just give them a dime back.”

(He processes the change and opens his drawer. He deposits the quarter, but then stops.)

Customer: *catching on that he is rather slow on the draw* “I just need a dime, dear.”

(Because of regulations, I can’t reach into his change drawer, so I can only give him verbal directions.)

Me: “It’s all right; she just needs a dime.”

(His hand hovers over the coin slots; he looks extremely confused.)

Customer: “Just a dime.”

(He hesitantly reaches for the nickles.)

Me: “No, a dime.”

(He moves his hand down into the pile of five cent pieces, then looks to me for assurance.)

Me: “Not a nickel, a dime.”

(He picks up a nickel, and shows it to me.)

Me: “That’s a nickel; you need a dime.”

(He hands the nickel to the customer, who is trying her best to hold in laughter.)

Me: “Okay, fine; just give her another nickel.”

(He reaches for the dimes this time.)

Me: “No, see she needs another nickel like the one you gave her.”

(He picks up a dime and hands it to her.)

Guest: *stifling laughter* “And I owe you this dear.” *she hands him back his nickel*

Employee: *with the greatest look of confusion upon his face* “Uh, all right, I guess…”

(The guest leaves and [Employee] looks at me.)

Employee: “Hey, [My Name], do you think I’ll be off in my drawer? She gave me her change back.”

(Later that day I went to my manager and told her to either retrain him or never give him another register shift. He was nearly $40 off that day.)

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That’s One For The Books

, , , , , | Learning | August 21, 2017

(This happens when I am in fifth grade. At my school, we keep our textbooks in cubbies in the back of the classroom unless we are taking them home to do homework. We also rotate classes with two other classes. My teacher teaches math, and two other teachers teach my class history and science, and we move classrooms. I was out sick one day, and when I come in the next day and go to get my book, my math textbook is no longer in my cubby.)

Me: “[Teacher], my math book isn’t here.”

Teacher: “Are you sure that you didn’t leave it at home?”

Me: “I’m sure.”

Teacher: “Well… we have a spare. Use that one for now, and look around the classroom. When you go home, try to find your math book and bring it in. Otherwise, you’ll have to pay for it before you can go to sixth grade.”

(I don’t find my math book at home or in any of the cubbies at school, and all the other students in all three rotation classes deny seeing it. I’m worried, because the math books had been bought that year and would therefore be pricey to pay for. Finally, on the second-to-last-day of school, my mom relents and writes a check for the book. During class, I turn in the rest of my textbooks.)

Teacher: “[My Name], did you ever find your math book?”

Me: “No. I have the check; I’ll give it to you at the end of class.”

(A student from the science rotation class comes in holding a math book in their hands.)

Student: “Hi, [Teacher]… I had two math books. One at home; one in my cubby. I just used them both all year, but this one has [Teacher] and [My Name] written inside the cover.”

Teacher: “[Student], are you telling me that I blamed [My Name] all year for losing her math book when really you ‘borrowed’ it, pretended you didn’t, and never gave it back because you didn’t want to carry your book between school and your house?”

Student: “Yes… I’m sorry.”

Teacher: “Sorry is not enough. Sit down here. Here’s a piece of paper and a pencil. You’re going to write [My Name] an apology letter.”

(He did sit down next to me and write me the apology, though I felt very embarrassed by this. On the other hand, it was very satisfying to rip the check up and tell my parents the book had been found and we didn’t have to pay!)

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