A Bird-Brained Request

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(A gentleman storms in angrily through the door.)

Guest: “I am furious! I parked my car under the tree and birds s*** all over it!”

(I almost start laughing but I realize he is serious.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sir.”

Him: “You need to put signs on the trees warning about the birds pooping on cars.”

Me: “Sir, you want us to put signs on every tree warning not to park there because there are pooping birds in the trees?”

Pray They Have The Ability To Change

, , , , , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(I am a supervisor. My employee at the attraction booth is relatively new, but by 2 pm, I’ve been called to assist him six times, once every 30 minutes or so. I end up going to his registrar to troubleshoot a nearby computer and observe the following:)

Guest: “Oh, my change is $0.85? Can I give you a quarter and you give me $0.10 back?”

Employee: “Uh…” *looks to me for assistance*

Me: “Yeah, go ahead, [Employee]; just give them a dime back.”

(He processes the change and opens his drawer. He deposits the quarter, but then stops.)

Customer: *catching on that he is rather slow on the draw* “I just need a dime, dear.”

(Because of regulations, I can’t reach into his change drawer, so I can only give him verbal directions.)

Me: “It’s all right; she just needs a dime.”

(His hand hovers over the coin slots; he looks extremely confused.)

Customer: “Just a dime.”

(He hesitantly reaches for the nickles.)

Me: “No, a dime.”

(He moves his hand down into the pile of five cent pieces, then looks to me for assurance.)

Me: “Not a nickel, a dime.”

(He picks up a nickel, and shows it to me.)

Me: “That’s a nickel; you need a dime.”

(He hands the nickel to the customer, who is trying her best to hold in laughter.)

Me: “Okay, fine; just give her another nickel.”

(He reaches for the dimes this time.)

Me: “No, see she needs another nickel like the one you gave her.”

(He picks up a dime and hands it to her.)

Guest: *stifling laughter* “And I owe you this dear.” *she hands him back his nickel*

Employee: *with the greatest look of confusion upon his face* “Uh, all right, I guess…”

(The guest leaves and [Employee] looks at me.)

Employee: “Hey, [My Name], do you think I’ll be off in my drawer? She gave me her change back.”

(Later that day I went to my manager and told her to either retrain him or never give him another register shift. He was nearly $40 off that day.)

That’s One For The Books

, , , , , | Learning | August 21, 2017

(This happens when I am in fifth grade. At my school, we keep our textbooks in cubbies in the back of the classroom unless we are taking them home to do homework. We also rotate classes with two other classes. My teacher teaches math, and two other teachers teach my class history and science, and we move classrooms. I was out sick one day, and when I come in the next day and go to get my book, my math textbook is no longer in my cubby.)

Me: “[Teacher], my math book isn’t here.”

Teacher: “Are you sure that you didn’t leave it at home?”

Me: “I’m sure.”

Teacher: “Well… we have a spare. Use that one for now, and look around the classroom. When you go home, try to find your math book and bring it in. Otherwise, you’ll have to pay for it before you can go to sixth grade.”

(I don’t find my math book at home or in any of the cubbies at school, and all the other students in all three rotation classes deny seeing it. I’m worried, because the math books had been bought that year and would therefore be pricey to pay for. Finally, on the second-to-last-day of school, my mom relents and writes a check for the book. During class, I turn in the rest of my textbooks.)

Teacher: “[My Name], did you ever find your math book?”

Me: “No. I have the check; I’ll give it to you at the end of class.”

(A student from the science rotation class comes in holding a math book in their hands.)

Student: “Hi, [Teacher]… I had two math books. One at home; one in my cubby. I just used them both all year, but this one has [Teacher] and [My Name] written inside the cover.”

Teacher: “[Student], are you telling me that I blamed [My Name] all year for losing her math book when really you ‘borrowed’ it, pretended you didn’t, and never gave it back because you didn’t want to carry your book between school and your house?”

Student: “Yes… I’m sorry.”

Teacher: “Sorry is not enough. Sit down here. Here’s a piece of paper and a pencil. You’re going to write [My Name] an apology letter.”

(He did sit down next to me and write me the apology, though I felt very embarrassed by this. On the other hand, it was very satisfying to rip the check up and tell my parents the book had been found and we didn’t have to pay!)

Frozen Yoghurt For Warm Hearts

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 5, 2017

(I work at a small self-serve frozen yogurt store. One night, a man and his young daughter come in, the daughter clearly excited about getting frozen yogurt. I chat with them, help them out, and everything goes fine until it’s time to pay. He reaches into his wallet to pay, and pulls out a $100 bill. Because $100 bills are so easily faked and because we have so little in our change drawers, our store policy won’t let me accept it.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept a $100 bill, sir; it’s against our store policy. Do you have another method of payment, like a credit card?”

Customer: “No, this is all I have. Are you sure that you can’t take it?”

(He shows me the entire wallet, which, true to his word, only has $100 bills. By this point, from his accent and the contents of his wallet, it’s clear to me that he and his daughter are foreign tourists out for a late night treat, and as she has been so excited, I don’t have the heart to make her give the yogurt back.)

Me: “In that case, I’ll just let you have the yogurt for free.”

Customer: “Oh! Thank you — but I’ll come back to pay you. I’ll go to the bank and get smaller bills.”

Me: “You don’t have to do that; it’s all right. Have a good night!”

Customer: “No, no, no. I will come back!”

(The two of them start to head out with their yogurt.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Where are we going, Daddy?”

Customer: “To the bank, so that I can pay the lady. Go ahead and eat your yogurt.”

(They leave, and I leave the check open and go back to tending to the store. About fifteen minutes later, I notice a truck pull up in front of the store, and to my surprise, it’s that customer and his daughter!)

Me: “Hello, I see that you are back!”

Customer: “Yes, I went to the bank to get money you can take. Here you are!”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

(He hands me a $20 to pay. Since I’d left the check open, I was able to give him change and hand it to him.)

Customer: “They closed the exit to here so I had to drive all the way around to the other exit — but I was going to get you your money!”

Me: “Thank you very much for coming back, sir. A lot of people wouldn’t have bothered.”

Customer: “No, thank you for letting us take the yogurt. Have a good night!”

(That girl is lucky to have such a great father!)

A Taxing Conversation, Part 2

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2013

Wife: “Can we try filing separately?”

Me: “You can, but it’s not usually the best idea. You’ll disqualify yourselves from some of the biggest credits. I’ll run it through both scenarios, and see what happens. Who should have the kids on their file?”

Husband: “Put them on hers.”

(I run the return both ways. It takes about fifteen or twenty minutes, since they each have multiple jobs.)

Me: “Okay, taken jointly, you’re getting $[amount]. Separately you, sir, need to pay $[amount] and you, ma’am get $[amount] back.”

Wife: “Hmm. Put the kids on his return.”

Me: “Okay.”

(10 minutes later…)

Me: “Now, he has to pay less, and you get back less. Jointly is still the better option.”

Wife: “How about if he has one kid, and I have two kids?”

Me: “Okay.”

(Five minutes pass.)

Me: “Jointly is still better.”

Wife: “Okay, reverse it please. Him with two kids, and me with one.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Five minutes pass.)

Me: “Jointly is still better. But this other person you’ve talked about…”

Husband: “Our niece?”

Me: “Right, let me check some info out with you; she might qualify as another dependent.”

(10 minutes of interviews, and calling for info later…)

Me: “Yep. She qualifies as another dependent, and now you’re joint refund would look like—”

(The program glitches in a funny way. I have never seen this before.)

Me: “Hmm, let me call over the manager real quick.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “The file glitched. I’ve been running different scenarios for them, and the husband’s file is giving me weird data and won’t let me delete it.”

Manager: “Can you restart a file with the wife as lead tax payer?”

Me: “I can do that, but they haven’t decided if they’re going to file joint or separate. I was just trying to get the results of the latest scenario, when it glitched.”

Manager: “Re-enter for the wife, and I’ll try to fix this file in case they want to file that way.”

Me: “All right.”

(Five minutes later…)

Me: “Okay, your joint refund is now even higher.”

Wife: “Can you try it separately, with me having three dependents, and my husband’s one?”

Husband: *groans*

(The next day…)

Coworker: “Why is there a biohazard sticker on this return file?”

 

1 Thumbs
2,607
VOTES
Page 7/7First...34567