Try This New IPA! Tastes Like The Holocaust!

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

Me: “Hello, sir, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “I’m supposed to get ID when someone buys beer.”

(The customer just continues to stare at me, as if expecting more of an explanation.)

Me: “It’s the law.”

Customer: “So, you just do whatever the government tells you to do?”

(I’m not really sure how to respond, so I just remain silent. The customer suddenly becomes obscenely angry.)

Customer: “Honestly, you’re no better than those Nazis throwing Jews in the oven!”

(He rattles off some more nonsense about how I’m a Nazi for daring to ask for his ID, and then some switch in his brain goes from crazy to horny.)

Customer: “But you’re pretty cute, so I guess I can show you just this once.”

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Beggars Can Be Choosers, Apparently

, , , , , , , | Friendly | August 7, 2018

A few years ago, I used to take the buses to come home from a coffee shop where I worked.

There was a homeless man at a gas station with a sign, asking for money. I made good tips there, and usually this was money that I use to buy food for dinner every night for my children, but that day I was okay, so I decided to give him my entire bag of tips. I was feeling good about it, so I turned back to look at him when I had walked away.

That man took out the dollar bills out and was throwing the bag with the rest of the money away in a trash can! I was mad! Yes, it was change, but probably at least $10 worth of change!

I marched right back up to him, took the bag out of the trash and took the bills back straight from his hand! I felt bad, but I was mad that he had just thoughtlessly thrown out good money.

I bought groceries for my kids, instead.

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Unfiltered Story #117805

, , | Unfiltered | August 2, 2018

The costume shop which I managed had a policy of charging 1/4 the total price of all rented costumes returned late, for each day late. This is spelled out in bold, easy to read letters on the contract everyone signs. A woman comes in to return a skirt she had rented. I notice it’s a day late, and that her address on the contract indicates she’s from one of parts of the state known for being where the rich people live. We make small talk while I go over her pieces, and she seems friendly.

Me: Alright ma’am, if you’ll please sign right here for your return. It looks like your costume is being returned a day late, so I’m afraid I’ll have to charge you…. (I pause for dramatic affect) a whole $1.50.

Suddenly the customer went ice cold, and she began muttering under her breath. She angrily snapped her card at me to pay, then huffed down the stairs. Later that night I learned that she complained to my manager that I gave her horrible customer service. All because I charged her $1.50 late fee, as per the contract she signed. (My manager just laughed)

Procedural Power Nap

, , , , | Healthy | July 2, 2018

I went in for an outpatient procedure to have a uterine ablation. They were getting me ready for the procedure, and had already given me the stuff to make me sleepy. I asked if I could use the bathroom first. I started to get sleepy and asked again to use the bathroom.

“You’re all done. We just finished the surgery.”

It was the weirdest feeling! I literally blinked and it was over!

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Stupidosaurus Wrecks

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2018

(I intern at a museum in downtown Salt Lake City. It’s a really slow day, and only six customers find their way into the museum during my five-hour shift. A grandfather and his grandson come in. I’ve shown them around the museum, and I get to the science demonstrations. It’s some pretty simple stuff, like baking soda and vinegar, or other such scientific demonstrations. This exchange takes place after I’ve finished the experiments.)

Grandfather: “What dinosaur is that?” *points to a canine skeleton in the cabinet behind me*

Me: *trying not to laugh* “That’s a dog skeleton, sir.”

Grandfather: “Oh… Then, where are the dinosaurs?”

Me: “Sir, while this is a museum, we don’t have the space for such an exhibit.”

(My coworker cuts into the situation.)

Coworker: “He’s right, sir. We don’t have any fossils exhibited here right now.”

Grandfather: “Then, where is your dinosaur exhibit?”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “…”

(He continued asking me where the dinosaurs were, despite me telling him multiple times we didn’t have any. His grandson looked rather exasperated throughout the entire exchange.)

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