A Benign Hair Style

, , , , , | Healthy | April 3, 2019

(My mom is an x-ray tech at a world-renowned children’s hospital. Patient welfare is the top priority, so they try to minimize tests and procedures as much as possible.)

Mom: *walks into the break room to see two doctors and an x-ray tech — all male — looking at a series of films*

Doctor #1: “Obviously, we need to operate, cancerous or not. So, I say we just skip the biopsy and go straight in. We don’t want to put her under twice for no reason!”

Doctor #2: “I agree, but these tumors are very unique. I’ve never seen anything quite like them, and with them being so close to both her heart and her lungs, I’m worried about what will happen if we do take them out. We don’t know how firmly they’re attached or entrenched in either of those organs.”

Mom: *curious* “Do you mind if I have a look at the films? If you haven’t seen a tumor like this before, it must be very rare.”

Doctor #2: “By all means.”

([Doctor #2] hands over the films, and then continues to debate with his colleague about how quickly they can schedule the surgery, while Mom spends a few minutes looking closely at the x-rays.)

Mom: “Um, guys? We’ve got a problem here, but I don’t think it’s the problem you think it is.”

Tech: “What do you mean?”

Mom: “I don’t think that’s a tumor.”

Doctor #1: “Of course it’s a tumor! What else could it be?”

Mom: “A hair tie.”

All: “WHAT?!”

Mom: “You know, those little round hair ties? The elastic kind with a pair of balls on the ends that little girls like?”

Doctor #2: “Yes, my daughter uses those. But what makes you think…”

Mom: “These tumors are perfectly round, they’re both exactly the same size, they slightly overlap, and if you look really closely, this one even has a hole through it… exactly where the elastic would be.”

All: *looks like she just hit them in the face with a board*

Tech: “You can’t be serious!”

Mom: “Do you want me to retake the film, just in case? I mean, I don’t want to expose her to more radiation, but better a single film than opening her rib cage! And if I’m wrong, then fine. But we wouldn’t want to operate on a child without being certain.”

Doctor #2: “Do it. Fast! She’s in room [number].”

Mom: “On it!”

(She runs up to the girl’s room:)

Mom: “Hi! I’m [Mom], one of the x-ray techs here at [Hospital]. There was a little problem with one of your daughter’s x-rays, so we need to retake it really fast. No need to worry!”

Girl: “I wiggled, didn’t I?”

Mom: “Don’t worry, sweetie. You just need to hold still for one last picture, I promise!”

(Mom, the girl, and her mother all head down to Radiology. When then get to the door, Mom asks the girl to take off her hair tie — yes, one of the kind with the little plastic balls! — from the end of the braid hanging down her back.)

Girl: “Do I have to? The other guy didn’t make me, and I don’t want my braid coming out!”

Mom: “Here. Let me see if I can find you an elastic. We just can’t have the little baubles; they might confuse the doctors when they’re reading your x-ray.” *goes to her purse and digs out an elastic of her own* “Here you go! Your mom can help you change that, and then she can wait right outside the door. We’ll only be a minute.”

(After helping the girl wrap a protective apron around her waist and hips, Mom took the film, and then the girl went back to her room. Mom immediately developed the film, and, as predicted, there were no tumors. The little girl was treated for her pneumonia and was sent home, healthy and happy, a week later. It became hospital policy after that to check for hair ties, barrettes, bobby pins, etc., before taking any x-rays.)

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Cause For Un-Pregnant Pause

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 2, 2019

(I am engrossed in my phone while riding the public ground tram when I hear the announcement that my stop is the next stop. I am sitting in a seat in the not-handicapped segment, and I gather my things to prepare for my exit. After I stand up, a lady standing nearby suddenly snaps.)

Woman: “I’m not pregnant!”

(I turned and looked and saw her glaring right at me.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “I don’t need a seat, so stop trying to offer one!”

Me: “I was just preparing for my stop.”

(She then reached out as if trying to grab at me, so I ducked back away, and the movement of the tram caused her to stumble, which allowed me to slip past. I might have offered help to keep her balance, but did not want more confrontation. When she stood again, she stood in front of the seat, blocking a few others, and glared at me until I exited at my stop.)

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There’s Something Wrong With You And I Can Put My Finger(print) On It

, , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(We are a government facility that provides fingerprinting to the public. We also man the phone lines for tech support, questions about printing, etc. I answer the phone, and a man asks some general questions about printing. Then it gets weird.)

Customer: “Can I come down and get my wife’s fingerprints for her?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Can I pick up my wife’s fingerprints there for her?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t retain fingerprints.”

Customer: “Well, can I get printed for her?”

Me: “Um… sir. Think about what you just asked me.”

Customer: *long pause*“So… can I get her prints or not?”

Me: “Sir, unless you are her, or have her hands in some magical way, there’s no way I can give out fingerprints for her.”

Customer: “Oh, well. It was worth a shot.”

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They Should Just Get “Dumb & Dumber”

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2018

(In my store, we have some cheaper movies that we sell for buy-two-get-one-free, as long as they are under a certain price range. A couple are shopping for a few films.)

Me: “Hello there. Is there anything I can help you guys find today?”

Husband: “We came in earlier and bought [Film], and we just came back for [Sequel], and we’re just looking around a bit.”

Me: “I’m glad we had the movies you’re looking for! Also, keep in mind that all the movies on these racks are buy-two-get-one-free, so if you decide to pick up another movie with [Sequel], you can get a third for free.”

Wife: “How does that work?”

Me: “We just have a deal on all our movies that are under $5 for buy-two-get-one-free.”

Husband: “But how would that work? Do we have to pay for all three, then?”

Wife: “Doesn’t that make the rest of the movies more expensive?”

Me: “Um… No, it just makes some movies that aren’t worth too much a better deal.”

Wife: “But what happens if we only buy two?”

Me: “Then they would be the full price of just the two movies, but if you’re getting two you might as well get a third one for free.”

Husband: “I don’t have the money for three, though!”

(This continued on for another five minutes before eventually I kind of gave up on trying to explain how the sale worked. They bought three movies, were surprised how cheap they were, and left.)

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Tech Support: More Important Than The President

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2018

(I am on a call with a client who’s a president of sorts for a pretty big-name company. I’m walking him through the process to install a few company applications on his phone. As we’re speaking, I hear someone trying to get his attention to ask him something. After a few moments of this, the client turns to that person speaking and says, loudly I might add:)

Caller: “Shut up, will you?! I’m on the phone with someone more important than you! You’re a VP; you figure it out!”

(I had to mute the call for a moment, I was laughing so hard.)

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