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Sometimes You Have To Hold Their Hands

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2020

I am working as an IT specialist for a pharmaceutical billing company. One day, our Internet goes down and I am tasked with informing the department managers.

Me: “The Internet is down. We are working with the Internet provider to get it back up.”

Manager #1: “Okay. Oh! While you’re here, can you see why my email isn’t working?”

Me: “Could you provide more details?”

Manager #1: “Just before you came to my department, my email was not able to be delivered.”

Me: “…?!!”

Manager #2: “Hey, [Manager #1], state your problem again, but this time, say it slower.”

Manager #1: “My email isn’t sending to people outside the company… because… I need Internet to send emails.”

Me: “Bingo!”

The two managers and I had quite the laugh about that one!

Listening Is Life

, , , , | Right | February 14, 2020

(The plane is sitting at the runway, waiting to take off, and the flight attendant’s giving her normal pre-flight instructions, but for the most part, people are ignoring her. She continues unfazed.)

Flight Attendant: “Remember to put on your own mask before helping children, those who can’t get their own, or those who aren’t listening.”

(Surprisingly, the flight was relatively quiet.)

They Need To Recruit Better Recruiters

, , , , , | Working | January 31, 2020

(During my last job hunt, I also start looking for jobs out of state, as my family and I have decided we are tired of the extreme weather and local politics. I eventually get a job offer out of state, and as we are preparing to move, I get a call from a local recruiter, whom I haven’t worked with before.)

Recruiter: “What would be a good time for you to interview with [Employer]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I’ve actually already accepted a job out of state. Thank you, though!”

Recruiter: “Oh… are you leaving immediately?”

Me: “Well, not for another week.”

Recruiter: “So, you still have time that you could interview with [Employer].”

Me: “I guess, but I’m not sure why I would?”

Recruiter: “Maybe they’ll make you a better offer!”

Me: “Are they offering six figures in their price range?”

Recruiter: “Um. No, but—”

Me: “Then, I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested. I’m very happy with the job I’ve already accepted, and we’ve already signed the lease for a new apartment.”

Recruiter: “Don’t you want to keep your options open if that job falls through?”

Me: “I’d rather be jobless there than here, so no.”

Recruiter: “Listen, you’d be doing me a favor if you did this interview. We want to maintain a good relationship with this client.”

Me: *realizing what’s going on, long pause* “You’re not going to guilt me into doing this interview.”

Recruiter: “That’s not what I’m doing.”

Me: *getting irate* “That’s exactly what you’re doing; don’t try to bulls*** me.”

Recruiter: “I don’t think there’s any need for that kind of language.”

Me: “And I don’t think I care about burning this particular bridge.” *hangs up*

Husband: *staring at me, wide-eyed* “What the h*** was that?”

(I guess knowing we were getting out of that place made me less patient with guilt-trips. I hate doing interviews, even for jobs I DO want. We’re quite happy in our new home and have no intention of ever going back.)

O Holy Donut

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 22, 2020

I’m the dumb one in this story. My baby had some breathing trouble and was hospitalized for a month and a half prior to surgery. One of the times I was staying overnight, a respiratory therapist I hadn’t met before came in to check the settings on the oxygen. I saw she had a cursive font tattoo on her arm. Confused, I asked,

“Does your tattoo say, ‘Thy will be donut’?” 

The therapist showed me her arm and said, “No, it says, ‘Thy will be done’.” What I had taken as “donut” was the word “done” with a cross after it.

Cycling The Recycling Signs

, , , , , , | Right | December 2, 2019

I was at a food court in a mall, sitting fairly close to the trash cans. Next to the trash cans, there were a couple of recycling bins, one for bottles and one for cans. As I was watching, a woman walked up and dropped her bottle into the bin marked for cans. There was a clinking as the bottle hit metal, and I could see her realize that she’d just dropped the bottle into the wrong bin.

After pausing for a moment, she then reached down and pulled the lids off both bins. I thought maybe she was planning to pull out her bottle and put it in the right container, but instead, she swapped the two lids, placing the lid marked for bottles on the container for cans, and vice versa. She then turned around and spotted me watching. She quickly looked away and hurried off.

I ended up walking over and switching the lids back, but I really have to wonder how you can get so stubborn that you feel the need to swap the lids on recycling bins to pretend that you are “retroactively right” in which bin you dropped your trash into.


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