Terrible Twos Meets The Terrifying Tans

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(A woman comes into our tanning salon with her newborn baby, and wants to take her into the room while she tans.)

Customer: “But she’s asleep. It won’t hurt her eyes.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We still can’t let you take her in there.”

(Yeah, let’s give your infant skin cancer.)

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This Salon Has Very Bad Reception, Part 2

, , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

(A few months after I move, I decide to get a haircut at a salon in a nearby mall. I get to the salon about five minutes early for my appointment and check in with the receptionist, who tells me my hair stylist will be with me in a few minutes. As I’m sitting in the waiting area I notice that all of the chairs are empty, and the hair stylists are all standing around chatting at the back of the salon. Ten minutes after my appointment was supposed to be, I start to get antsy and think about reminding the receptionist I’m here when my cell phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: “Hi, I’m calling from [Salon] because we had you booked for an appointment at two. Are you on your way?”

Me: *looking right at the receptionist, who can clearly see me from the desk* “Actually, I’m here now; I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes.”

Receptionist: “Oh! You know, you’re supposed to check in when you get here so I can tell your stylist to get ready for you.”

Me: “I did check in. You told me she’d be with me in a few minutes. Like I said, I’ve been waiting on her for fifteen minutes. Plus, I had to pass the desk to get to the waiting area, so you would have seen me come in even if I forgot to check in.”

Receptionist: “Okay, well, I’m going to tell the stylist you’re here, but your appointment might go longer than usual because you’re late.”

(She did get up and tell the stylist I was there, who came and got me into a chair immediately. The stylist apologized and said she’d seen me waiting but she didn’t realize I was there for her.)

This Salon Has Very Bad Reception

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Not Your Regular Kind Of Meltdown

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2019

(I have been touching up a regular’s roots. Her hair has just been washed and I’m about to dry and style it.)

Regular: “That’s awful. You f***** it up!”

Me: “Actually, it only looks like that because it’s wet and hasn’t been treated it yet. Once it’s dried, it will look right.”

Regular: “No, you f***ed it up. You’re a penis. PENIS!”

(She then runs out of the salon, breathes on the window, and draws a penis in the condensation. She then runs off, in the middle of winter, with soaking wet hair. Three months later, she comes back to make another touchup appointment. The owner, not really remembering her by face, checks to see if I have, in fact, done her hair previously. I quickly remind him.)

Owner: “Oh, yes, you’re the penis woman.”

Regular: *blushing* “Yeah… Sorry about that.”

Owner: “What on earth was the problem? [My Name] says you’ve been coming here for years.”

Regular: *speaking very fast* “Well, my granny decided my mobile was making me a lesbian, and I’d just broken up with my boyfriend after he decided to cut his hair short. She threw my phone out of her bedroom window and locked me in her flat with her twelve black cats and one hairless one. I had to get the police, but my phone was f*****. She’s in a home now and her cats are dead. She’s just a crazy old b****. So, when I was here last time, I didn’t have my phone, and I guess I hadn’t really looked at what my hair looks like before it is done.”

Owner & Me: “…”

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Immediate Red Flag

, , , , | Working | June 28, 2019

(My hair has fallen out from chemotherapy, so I go to a wig place to purchase one.)

Salon Lady: “What color was your hair?”

Me: “Red.”

Salon Lady: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m positive.”

Salon Lady: “Let me see your license.”

Me: *shows license*

Salon Lady: “You definitely had brown hair.”

Me: “I’m tired. I’ll have to come back later.”

(Apparently, they card you if you want a red wig.)

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Paid Top Dollar For The Bottom

, , | Right | June 24, 2019

(My mom and I have double-booked with the same hair stylist because I need to have my hair colored. I’m sitting in the hall about eight feet from where my mom is having her hair cut while my dye processes when a woman barges in.)

Client: “You need to redo my hair!”

Stylist: “As you can see, I’m currently with two other clients. If you go back to the reception desk, the receptionist can make you an appointment for another time.”

Client: “No! You will fix your mistake! I specifically asked for permanent color and look!” *points at outgrown roots* “I have grey at the top!”

Stylist: “Yes, it looks like your hair has grown; it has been a month since I last saw you. Like I said, you can make an appointment—”

Client: “No! My hair doesn’t grow from the roots! It grows from the bottom! You’re lying! I want my money back!”

Stylist: “Uh… No. Everyone’s hair grows from the roots. Like I said before, I am with two other clients that have been double-booked. If you want to argue this out, please wait outside.”

(The woman eventually had to be escorted out by the owner of the salon – a sixty-year-old man – because she just kept screaming that her hair grows from the bottom and everyone was lying.)

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