One of my uncles lived in Japan for most of his adult life. He still came back to Canada every summer to spend time with us, but his life and immediate family were all in Japan. Since his mother still lived here, and her birthday was in the spring, he was unfortunately unable to attend in person. Obviously, he still made sure she got something from him for the occasion.

As she got older and less able to reach her feet, he decided to contact a local nail salon to give her a full pedicure treatment.

Uncle: “Hi, I live in Japan, and—”

Salon: “I’m sorry, we don’t do business with Japan.”

Uncle: “No, I’m just calling about—”

Salon: “I’m sorry, we don’t do business with Japan.”

Uncle: “I just wanted to—”

Salon: “I’m sorry, we don’t do business—”

Uncle: “This is about [His Mother’s Full Name]!”

Salon: “Wait, [His Mother]?”

Uncle: “Yes, she’s my mom! I want to buy a gift card for her!”

Salon: “OH!”

They apologized and explained that they had been getting a LOT of spam calls from “foreign investors”, so when they heard “Japan”, they immediately launched into their “no, thank you” script.

My grandmother very much enjoyed her pedicure, and she got a kick out of the story.

It’s New Year’s Eve and the barbershop is packed. A customer comes in, sees that everyone is busy, and we have a bunch of guys waiting, and asks a colleague:

Customer: “How long is the wait?”

Coworker: “If you’re a walk-in, about two hours.”

Customer: “Two hours?! Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Afraid so. It’s one of our busiest days of the year. Everyone wants to look sharp for a party tonight.”

Customer: “Party? What party?”

Coworker: “A New Year’s party I would imagine.”

Customer: “I just want a haircut! I can’t wait that long! It’s urgent!”

Coworker: “What makes it urgent?”

Customer: “I have to be at a party tonight!”

Coworker: “So do all these people!”

Customer: “Yes but mine is more important!”

Coworker: “Why?”

Customer: “Because it’s mine!”

He was told to wait. He waited about ten minutes, got impatient, and left.

I’m a hairstylist. I keep small bottles of water, a small pod coffee maker, and hot cocoa in winter, as a courtesy. I have an older man who insists on coffee every time he comes in. One day I was out and hadn’t even thought to buy more.

Customer: *Suddenly throwing a fit.* “What! That’s so incompetent! What do I pay you for!”

Me: “You pay me to do your hair, not serve you coffee.”

Customer: “I expect a discount for not getting the full service!”

Me: “The sign out front says ‘hair salon’ not ‘coffee shop’.”

Customer: “I’m going to go someplace else! Where they respect their customers!”

Me: “Good luck!”

He was back the next day. Apparently, the other salon didn’t serve coffee at all…

I’m a receptionist at a busy and large hair salon. Due to a bunch of last-minute disasters, I have had to bring my baby to work, but she’s only six months old and is sleeping in her car seat so she’s not being a bother (plus the manager is cool).

Client: “Oh my, a baby! How precious! Is she yours?”

Me: “Yes, she is!”

Client: “Did you dye her hair ginger to match yours?”

Before I can respond:

Manager: “No, ma’am, her daughter has been coloring on her own since she was a few months old. Look, she even knew how to tint her own eyebrows!”

Client: “I… I’m so stupid.”

Thankfully she was a good-natured regular who was always cracking jokes with the manager!

I got my nails done in July before I went to a New Kids On The Block concert. Because I had gel polish put on, my nails grew out before the polish wore off, and they looked pretty bad. It’s September now, and since tomorrow’s my dad’s eightieth birthday party, I decided I wanted to get a polish change. The place I went to is a nice locally-owned establishment rather than a large salon.

I went in, and [Employee] brought me right in. She wrapped foil around my nails to soak the polish off, and we started chatting. When she took the foils off, nothing had changed. She tried it again. The polish wasn’t coming off.

Employee: “When did you have these done?”

Me: “In July.”

She also asked me if I’d had it done at a certain type of salon; I said that I had. To be fair, it was a pretty good guess because there are a lot of them.

Employee: “Sometimes, some salons put superglue in their nail polish to make it thicker.”

It took at least three or four tries of wrapping my nails in foil and soaking them. Then, she had to use the file across the top of my nails and a scraper to get the rest of the polish off. I said I was surprised she didn’t have a dremel, but she said she doesn’t like using it because it can damage the nail.

On the plus side, we had a lovely conversation, and I may have a new blogging client in exchange for their services. My nails also look great. I gave her a 40% tip for all of her hard work. But it makes me wonder what the heck was in the polish from the other place!