Making Rioja Cold Again

| Omaha, NE, USA | Right | November 15, 2016

(I work as a receptionist for a nail salon, and like most American nail salons, the owners and most of the staff are East Asian immigrants.)

Client: “Thanks so much for fitting me in, and with [Nail Tech], too. I just love this place! You girls have a great day!”

(She leaves, and I let out a VERY annoyed sigh once she’s out the door.)

Me: “So the woman who just left? She had a Trump button and a ‘Make America Great Again’ t-shirt on.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. She also asked me to put ice in her red wine.” *pause* “I honestly don’t know which of those things pisses me off more.”

Not Behaving Very Lice-ly

| Grand Prairie, TX, USA | Right | October 9, 2016

(I am the customer. I am sitting down getting my hair cut. I notice a family with a small child sitting in the chair next to mine. I only notice the conversation when the mother starts to yell.)

Mother: “How dare you accuse my daughter of having lice? You have upset her now. This is bull-s***!”

Stylist: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t mean to upset your daughter, I was only trying to let you know that I cannot cut her hair until this is treated.”

Mother: “You should have spoken to me softly. Now everyone in this place knows my poor daughter is dirty.”

(At this point everyone in the salon is looking and listening.)

Stylist: “Ma’am, again, I am sorry. This is easily treatable. All you need is…”

Mother: “F*** you! I’m going to have you fired for this. My husband will be livid when I tell him. Now I am going to have to go and buy her a treat to calm her down.”

(During this whole exchange the child has just sat there like she couldn’t care less. The mother leaves with the child. Not a few seconds later a man rushes in obviously angry.)

Man: “Who the f*** do you think you are treating my family this way? Has anyone ever told you it’s rude to tell people’s business out loud?”

Stylist: “Sir, I am sorry; I meant no offense, and I spoke as softly as possible.”

Man: “Stop arguing with me; the customer is always right and I demand compensation.”

Me: “I’m sorry for interrupting but I never heard this woman say anything about that little girl having lice until your wife starting yelling and I was sitting right next to her.”

(The man stared at me and was in shock. He then stormed out threatening to sue.)

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In Soviet Russia… I Still Can’t Speak Chinese

| CT, USA | Right | August 1, 2016

(I’m multiethnic and have a unique look. This usually prompts questions from strangers. This time I’m at a salon and the inquirer is a fellow patron, about 18 years old.)

Patron: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I was born in Ukraine. Dad is from Central African Republic. Mom is from Russia.”

Patron: “Africa? Russia? Where’s Russia? Is that in China?”

Me: *politely* “Erm, no. It’s in– ”

Patron: “So, can your mom, like, speak fluent Russian?”

Me: “Yep, so can I.”

Patron: “You can speak Russian? Tell me something!”

Me: *Says ’nice to meet you’ in Russian*

Patron: “Oooh! Hey, Ma, she just said something to me in Russian. Wait, so does that mean, like, you can understand Chinese?”

Me: *politely* “Erm, no.”

Freudian Slip On The Beer

| NH, USA | Related | July 18, 2016

(My cousin and I are having a girls’ day, and talking about the gift she wants to get for her fiancé for his birthday when they go on vacation. Her family is all about sports and beer while I hate sports and would drink wine over beer any day.)

Cousin: “He likes wine so I think maybe I’ll get him a bottle of wine as a birthday present while we’re away. What kind do you think he’ll like?”

Me: “That’s nice. Does he like red or white?”

Cousin: “I don’t know. Maybe I should get him beer instead.”

Me: “Well, wine would be more romantic. But if he’s going to bro out in front of the TV and watch sports maybe you should get him beer.”

Cousin: “Really, you’ve met the guy; I’m more likely to bro out with a beer than he is.”

Me: “You know how they say you marry someone who reminds you of your dad? Yeah, you’re not doing that. You’re marrying someone like me.”

Cousin: “Maybe that’s why the two of you don’t get along. You hate him because you think I’m replacing you.”

Me: “Freud would have a field day with us.”

Give You A Hair-Dressing Down

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Working | July 5, 2016

(As a 21st birthday present, my mum has given me some money to get my haircut at a fancy hair salon. I intend to pay extra money to get it styled following the haircut as I am having my party that night. My hair is naturally very straight and fine and I’m naturally a very petite person. I am also quite shy and tend to avoid conflict wherever possible. The hairdresser and I have polite conversation for a few minutes as I tell her about my plans for my party, etc. Then this happens…)

Hairdresser: *pulls roughly at my hair, causing a few strands to come out* “Ugh, your hair is falling out! That’s usually a sign you’re lacking in vitamins. You look so thin! Are you sure you eat enough food?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m just naturally very small; it runs in the family.”

Hairdresser: “Nonsense! Weight doesn’t run in the family; you need to eat more food! And your hair is so fine. You should go and see a doctor. There’s something wrong with you.”

(By this point, I’m starting to get rather irritated and decide I just want to get home and not bother about getting my hair styled. The hairdresser continues to berate me about my fine hair and low weight until she finally finishes the haircut. I notice she has parted my hair in the middle, whilst I prefer to have it parted to the side.)

Me: “Excuse me, could you please part my hair to this side?” *points to side of my head*

Hairdresser: “Oh, no, your hair is far too lanky for that to work. I’d need hairspray just to make it stay in place! That would be a styling procedure and is going to cost you [ridiculously high amount].”

Me: “Forget it. I’ll do it myself later.”

(I quickly pay for the haircut with my birthday money and try to leave as quickly as possible.)

Hairdresser: *as I leave* “Make sure you eat some more food! You’re far too thin!”

(When I got home, I parted my hair in the way that I wanted, without hairspray, and it worked just fine. Later I went for a check-up with my doctor, who ran a few tests and told me I was perfectly healthy. I think I’ll stick to my regular hairdresser in the future!)

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