I’m working at the front desk of a local tanning salon. A customer walks in.

Customer: “I need a tan before my vacation tomorrow. Caribbean. I want to look natural when I get there.”

Me: “Great! We’ve got a few options. How dark are you aiming for?”

Customer: “Whatever level gets me from Wisconsin winter to Kardashian bronze in one session.”

Me: *Carefully.* “We usually recommend a gradual build; one session won’t get you there safely.”

Customer: *Waving me off.* “No, no, no. I don’t want a safe glow. I want to arrive.”

Me: “Okay… but going too dark too fast could leave you looking a little orange.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I just don’t want to stand out.”

I keep thinking this is definitely gonna make her stand out, but hey, the customer is always right. She goes in for the maximum setting and duration we can safely and legally provide.

While she’s in there, her friend comes in looking for her and seems surprised that her session is still going. She walks up to the room where her friend is tanning, knocks on the door, and shouts:

Customer’s Friend: “Hun! There’s a fine line between ‘sun-kissed’ and ‘traffic cone,’ and you’re sprinting toward it!”

The customer eventually came out very red. The tan will come in about 24-72 hours later, and I could already tell she’s going to be halfway to a new melanin category.

I work in a hair salon in a famous part of Los Angeles known for attracting the wealthy. Everything here is bougie and overpriced, and it attracts the type of clientele who expect the world to revolve around them.

One of our regulars walks in twenty-five minutes late to a thirty-minute appointment. (Names have been changed).

Customer: “Hi, I have a [hair service] booked with Mia.”

Now, Mia is one of our best stylists. People drive in from other cities to be seen by her, and she regularly wins awards in her industry, as well as makes house calls to some very famous clients. If you’re lucky enough to be seen by Mia, you DO NOT TURN UP LATE.

Receptionist: “Hi there. You’re quite late. Mia’s moved on to her next client. I can reschedule you for tomorrow or—”

Customer: “—Excuse me? I confirmed this appointment. I am a regular. You people always do this. You’re lucky to have my business considering the people I know!”

Receptionist: “We do appreciate your business, but we also appreciate being treated with respect and being on time.”

Customer: “It’s LA, honey! You have to factor in the traffic! I deserve to be fit in. I’m not leaving until Mia does my hair!”

Mia, overhearing from her station, walks over with a soft smile.

Mia: “Hi, Amanda. I’d love to help, but unfortunately, I’ve got someone who showed up on time and doesn’t scream at the staff.”

Customer: “Wow. So… this is how you treat your loyal clients?”

Mia: “You being a ‘regular’ just means we’ve had this conversation regularly.”

I am a woman getting my hair cut at a budget salon. The bubbly young hairstylist is summoned to a nearby phone by her manager. She looks a bit distressed while trying to get a word in edgewise with the angry caller.

Stylist: “Yes, Ma’am, I am [Her Name].”

Pause.

Stylist: “Yes, I cut his hair. The business card you found in his wallet belongs to me.”

Pause.

Stylist: “No, ma’am, I only cut his hair; please don’t use such vulgar language.”

Pause.

Stylist: “I’d be more than happy to stay away from your man but I can’t help it if he comes in here for a haircut.”

Pause.

Stylist: “If you’re that suspicious that you’ll phone up a stranger with whom you don’t know what the relationship is, you’re either the problem yourself or your man is. If you can’t trust him, there’s no point at all in warning someone else to stay away from him. Have a nice day.”

My stylist came back to me, and we had a chat and a laugh about it.

I used to be a shampoo girl in a hair salon. We had a very difficult client for whom the water temperature was never right. I should also mention that English is her first and only language.

I am rinsing her hair one day:

Customer: “Too hot! Too hot!”

I make it colder.

Customer: “Too cold! Too cold!”

I keep it somewhere between those temperatures.

Customer: “Too wet! Too wet!”

I turn the faucet off and just stare at her.

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “The water is too wet!”

I turn down the water pressure in case that’s what she was referring to.

Customer: “Too weak! Too weak!”

Me: “Okay, [Customer], sit up. You control the faucet and set it to how you want it because I’m obviously not getting it right.”

Customer: *Glaring at me.* “Just do it right!”

I sigh and gesture that we’ll try again. Before I’ve even turned on the water again:

Customer: “Too hot! Too hot!”

I washed my hands of her – pun intended – after that. We figured she would complain about the wash to get out of giving a tip.

I’m the owner of a print shop. Ninety-nine percent of the time, we do the artwork for our customers. We always ask for one to three business days to provide a proof for approval, depending on the complexity of the artwork.

One client placed an order of business cards for his beauty salon at 4:00 pm on a Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, just over fifteen hours later, I got this email.

Client: “I want my design proof now, or I’ll call the police.”

I called him back.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there appears to be a misunderstanding. We reserve up to three days to provide proofs for original designs. If you look at our ads, it’s specified there.”

Client: *With cold fury* “I want my design proof now, or I will call the police.”

I thought a bit about what to do. Ultimately, I decided that I would cancel the order and refund his money.

However, I specified that someone else should pick up his refund because if I saw him in our office I would “CALL THE POLICE.”

He sent someone the following week.