(I’ve just started my shift when I am called to a register. The customer is ranting about an item that is not on sale.)

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “This shrimp is not scanning right. I made a special trip for it and you people are going to be sued for false advertising!”

Me: “I do apologize, but this is the wrong shrimp. Would you like me to get the correct one?”

Customer: “The wrong one? No, it’s not!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. The label and ad state the $8.39 shrimp is on sale. This is the $9.99 shrimp.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I shouldn’t be expected to read labels! I should get anything I want because I am special!” *storms off without her shrimp*

(Two teenage girls, about fifteen years old, are in my store trying to buy perfume. On the counter, there are two bottles of our store brand perfume beside each other. There is a small bottle and there is a large bottle.)

Me: “So, the large bottle is $25.00 and the small bottle is $15.00.”

Customer #1: “Which bottle is the small one?”

Me: *confused* “The smaller one of these two.”

Customer #1: “Oh…”

(The girls wander around the store and comment on how cute our sandals are.)

Me: “Our sandals are really nice. They’re actually buy one, get one half off.”

Customer #2: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You buy one pair of sandals, and you get the second pair half off.”

Customer #2: “Wait, what?!”

(The girl looks at me genuinely confused. At this point, I have no other way to explain buy one get one half off, so I just repeat what I said.)

Me: “You buy one pair of sandals, and you get the other for half the price.”

Customer #1: “I don’t understand…”

(The girls eventually give up. As they walk out of the store, I overhear them talking to each other.)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “I don’t get what ‘Buy one, get one half off’ means!”

(I work at a grocery store that happens to be running a sale on milk. I overhear another customer arguing with his spouse.)

Man: “Okay. We need a gallon of milk.”

(He reaches for the gallon jugs that are priced at $3.59.)

Woman: “Honey, the half gallons are on sale. They’re 10 for $10.00.”

Man: “That makes no sense.”

Woman: “Just grab two half gallons.”

Man: “But that’s more expensive.”

Woman: “No, they’re 10 for $10, while a gallon is $3.59. We don’t have to buy ten for the discount.”

Man: “That’s ridiculous.”

Me: “Look at it this way: You can buy a one-gallon jug of milk for $3.59 or two half-gallon jugs for $2.00. It still equals one gallon.”

Man: *confused*

(The woman and I just exchange glances and shake our heads.)

(My store is going through a buy two, get the third free sale. A customer comes up with only two items.)

Me: “Hi. Just these ones today?”

Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Did you want to grab another item of equal or lesser value for free?”

Customer: “How much will it cost?”

Me: “Nothing… it’s free.”

Customer: “What’s the catch?”

Me: “It’s of equal or lesser value of the items you have here.”

Customer: “So, how much extra do I have to pay for it?”

Me: “Nothing. It’s free.”

Customer: “No. There’s a catch, isn’t there? You people are always trying to sell me more stuff with some sort of catch behind it. I will probably end up paying more for it or something.”

Me: “No, it’s free, meaning you will pay no extra. You get it for nothing.”

Customer: “No! I refuse to give into your gimmicks.”

(The customer pays for two items and walks out of the store. She returns the next day.)

Customer: “Yes, I came in yesterday and wasn’t aware of the sale you had going on for buy two, get the third free!”

(My store has a brand of cookies on sale for half price. On the shelf above them is a smaller pack of the same brand that is not on sale.)

Customer: “Excuse me, why do these bigger cookies cost less than these small ones?”

Me: “Those cookies are on sale this week. They usually cost more.”

Customer: “Yes, I know they’re on sale, but why doesn’t the smaller pack cost less?”

Me: “Only the cookies in the larger size are on sale. The other ones are at regular price.”

Customer: “But aren’t they the same?”

Me: “Yes they’re the same brand, but only the larger size is on sale.”

(At this point, the customer grabs hold of my arm.)

Customer: “Yes, but why are the bigger ones cheaper? That’s more sugar! If you have too much sugar you can get diabetes! It’s not healthy!”

Me: “Um, sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t want to buy the bigger pack. I just want the smaller one. It’s too much sugar for me. Why should I have to buy the bigger one?”

Me: “Er, well, you don’t HAVE to buy the bigger one.”

(The customer sighs, shakes his head, and grabs the bigger pack of cookies. He leaves muttering about how everything has so much sugar in it.)