(I work as a door-to-door marketer. My coworker and I have split up, and after we’ve finished our respective sections of the neighborhood we regroup. He apparently finished before me, and is getting out of a car I do not recognize.)

Me: “Hey, what’s up?”

Coworker: *laughs* “I was walking by, and those kids invited me to smoke with them!”

Me: “…What?”

Coworker: “Yeah, they were just smoking a hookah and said, ‘Hey, wanna smoke with us?’ How could I resist?”

Me: “Um, well, do you know them?”

Coworker: “Well, no…”

(I work for a large, upscale retailer. One night, I’m assisting a lady with several items.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is [price].”

Customer: “I believe those are all supposed to be 40% off.”

Me: “No, ma’am, these are all regular price.”

Customer: “No, I believe everything is 40% off.”

Me: “No, ma’am, there may be a sale like that upstairs in the Ladies’ area, but we don’t have any discounts like that here in Men’s.”

Customer: “Well, there’s a sign in your front windows that says everything’s 40% off!”

Me: “Well, perhaps I’m mistaken. Would you mind showing me where you saw that?”

(She leads me out the front door of our store and points to a large sign in the window.)

Customer: “See? 40% off!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it says 40% off ‘Selected Items.'”

Customer: “Right! And these are the items I’ve selected!”

(I work in a bookshop and we are having a sale. Everything is $10, and there are signs and tags everywhere.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?”

Me: “Everything in store is $10.”

Customer: “So, how much is this?”

Me: “$10.”

Customer: *Picks up another book.* “…and this?”

Me: “$10.”

Customer: “That can’t be right. It’s too cheap!”

Me: “I assure you it is. We’re having a sale. Everything is $10.”

Customer: “Oh, great!”

(The customer picks up another book with a big $10 sticker on the front.)

Customer: “So, how much is this one?”

(Note: It is a Sunday afternoon.)

Customer: “How much is a bag of mussels?”

Me: “They’re $2.99.”

Customer: “Are they on sale?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “How long are they going to be on sale?”

Me: “They’re on sale until Saturday.”

Customer: “So, do you mean next Saturday, or yesterday?”

Coworker: “Hey, can you tell me if the men’s gloves are on sale?”

Me: “Yup! Everything in men’s today, except underwear and socks, is on sale for 50% off.”

Coworker: *exasperated sigh* “I KNOW they’re not 50% off! I want to know if they’re on sale!”

Me: “Yes… everything except underwear and socks is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, it’s just underwear and socks that are 50% off?”

Me: “No, socks and underwear are the only things not on sale. Everything else is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, are the gloves on sale or not?”

Me: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Well, for how much?!”

Me: “50% off!”