(I’m shopping in a store where they are currently running the following sale: Buy 1 item, get 10% off; Buy 2 items, get 20% off; and so on… all the way up to 50%. I’m buying two expensive items and realize that if I buy three cheap items as well, my total will be less than with the two items alone. I go up to the register and am second in line; the cashier is explaining the sale to a middle-aged customer.)

Cashier #1: “If you buy three more items you can get 50% off. Why don’t you take a look at some of our cheaper items such as—”

Customer: “Stop it right there! I only want these! That’s it!”

Cashier #1: “Okay, but I would just like to mention that we have a sale—”

Customer: “I told you no! If you say anything else, I’m just going to walk out and not buy anything!”

Cashier #2: *to me* “I can help you right over here!”

(I go over to the other register when the customer turns to me.)

Customer: “Don’t you hate all these add-ons? They’re always trying to get you to buy more!”

Me: “Yes, that does happen sometimes, but the deal they’re having right now is great.”

Customer: *under her breath* “Sucker…”

(I ignore her comment. Almost simultaneously, both cashiers read out our respective totals.)

Cashier #1: *to the customer* “Your total is $40.”

Cashier #2: *to me* “Your total is $30.”

Customer: “Wait a second!  What makes her so special?  How come I can’t get a discount?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, she bought five items, so she gets 50% off of her total.”

Cashier #1: “Yes, and since you only bought two items, your discount is 20%.”

Customer: “Then how can I get 50% like her?”

(The cashiers and I are grinning at each other and trying very hard not to laugh.)

Cashier #1: “As I was trying to say before, if you buy three additional items, you will get 50% off of your total purchase.”

Customer: “That makes absolutely no sense to me. Buy more… but less? That’s not mathematically possible!”

(By this point I’ve paid for my things and start to walk away.)

Customer: “I don’t know what witchcraft this is, but I don’t want any part of it! I’ll just pay for what I have!”

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “How the h*** can it be over six dollars? It’s on sale!”

Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

(Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

Me: “…and your total comes to $10.28.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t. I bought two shirts.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but today is a buy 1, get 1 free sale on all women’s apparel.”

Customer: “Is this some sort of scheme? Because I’m not gonna pay unless I pay for both! I ain’t falling for no scheme!”

Me: “Miss, I can assure you that today is a buy 1, get 1 free sale.”

Customer: *throws down a $20 and a $1 and storms out of the store*

(There is a huge sign advertising my favorite gum for 2 for $2.22. I grab two packs and head to the register, where the cashier rings me up for full price.)

Me: “Hey, I thought that gum was on sale for 2 for $2.22.”

Cashier: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What about the huge sign that says ‘2 for $2.22’?”

Cashier: “That was last month.”

Me: *points to the huge sign that says ‘2 for $2.22’*

(Without a word, the cashier walks across to the sign and rips it down.)

Cashier: “There! No more 2 for $2.22!”

(I’m on vacation and am browsing at a beach shop. There’s a buy one t-shirt, get one 50% off deal, but there’s only one t-shirt I want.)

Shop Owner: “You know we’re running a buy one get one 50% off deal right now? You should pick another one for half off!”

Me: “No thanks. This one is all I need.”

Shop Owner: *sighs* “All right, but if I’m mean to my employees later, it’s your fault!”