(My clothing store has just sent out an email announcing ‘Winter Sale Underway!’ )

Me: “Hello, [Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any ‘Underway’?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “Do you have any ‘Underway’?”

Me: “Do you mean underwear?”

Caller: “No! ‘Underway’! It’s a brand, and it’s supposed to be on sale!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not familiar with that brand.”

Caller: “God! You’re useless! Get me someone who knows what ‘Underway’ is!”

(I hand the phone off to the manager, who goes through the same conversation.)

Manager: “Ma’am, ‘Winter Sale Underway’ means that a winter sale is coming. ‘Underway’ isn’t a brand.”

Customer: *hangs up*

(We still don’t know if the customer came for the sale.)

(While working at an ice cream store, there is a sale for buy one ice cream, get one for 25 cents. We are jam packed, and I am manning one of the registers.)

Me: “Thank you for coming to [store], what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like five large ice creams, please.”

Me: “Sounds great; your total comes to $14.”

Customer: “I thought there was a sale for 25 cents?”

Me: “Yes, it’s buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

Customer: “So then why am I paying so much?”

Me: “A regular large is $4.50, so three of those add up to $13.50, plus two for 25 cents.”

Customer: “The fifth one is supposed to be 25 cents.”

Me: “You have to buy one first for it to be 25 cents. Would you like to buy one more blizzard?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want six ice creams; the last one needs to be 25 cents!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you the fifth one for 25 cents; you need to buy another ice cream first.”

Customer: “GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM FOR 25 CENTS!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. It’s buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

Customer: “I refuse to speak with you; get me your manager now!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re very busy and—”

Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Ma’am, please, we are very busy—”

Customer: “I refuse to speak with such an idiot.”

Me: “Let me get her for you…”

(I pull my manager away from making 15 ice creams. She is very much annoyed that I have to get her.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This imbecile of an employee will not give me my 25 cent ice cream.”

(The manager looks at my screen, and sees five ice creams.)

Manager: “You ordered five ice creams, correct?”

Customer: “Yes, and I want my 25 cent ice cream!”

Manager: “It’s a buy one, get one for 25 cents. You have five ice creams. Simple math tells us that the fifth is at regular price. So either pay for your f***** ice cream, or the get the h*** out of my store.”

Customer: “Well, EXCUSE ME! I’ll take my ice creams, but I’m never coming back!”

Manager: “Good, you weren’t going to be allowed back anyway!”

(I work at a healthcare store. Whenever we have promos such as gift cards when purchasing more than a certain dollar amount, we call our regular customers a week in advance to let them know. After each call, either actually talking to the customer or leaving a message, we put a check next to their name on our list. One cranky regular misses the promo weekend and comes in three weeks later.)

Customer: “Hello, [My Name]. I’m just parked outside. Can you get me my products?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

Customer: “Don’t you have any promos? You haven’t had one since December.”

Me: “No, I know it’s been a while.”

(I make sure not to mention the promo three weeks prior, as I know she missed it, and I am sure she will throw a fit. I go to the back to get her products. As I am coming back, I see the customer yelling at my coworker. She then turns to me.)

Customer: “This is so disappointing! I told you guys to call me every time you have a promo. [Coworker] said that you had one three weeks ago!”

Me: “Oh, we did call you. I’m sure we did. You’re the first one we call.”

Customer: “No, I did not get any call. No message. This is the second time!”

Me: “I remember the first time you said your daughter forgot to tell you.”

Customer: “Well, this time I really didn’t get any call! No message, nothing!”

(The customer goes on and on as I am ringing her in, and I am just nodding. She’s always in a hurry, so I need to ring her in as I am listening. I can see the other customers looking at her.)

Me: “I really apologize, but as you see here on our call list, I called all these customers including you. Your name even has an asterisk ’cause you’re the first one we call.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get anything! There could be something wrong with my answering machine, but I doubt it! You guys owe me!”

(The customer storms out of the store. The next day she calls.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh [My Name], this is [Customer]. I just called to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I asked my daughter if she knew of any promos you guys had, and she just gasped because she forgot to tell me that you guys called.”

Me: “That’s okay, Mrs. [Customer]. It’s not a problem.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Bye!”

Customer: “I’m looking for this vacuum cleaner.”

(The customer points to a picture in our latest clearance brochure.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it’s sold out. I can take a rain-check if you like.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s sold out? It’s in your catalogue!”

Me: “Yeah, but this sale started more than a week ago. They’re going for 80% off, so they’ve been pretty popular. All of our stores in the state are sold out, but we’re hoping to order more in if we get enough rain-checks.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Where are they in this store?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have any. They’re all gone. They sold out several days ago.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well… because other customers bought them I guess?”

Customer: “Why did they do that?”

Me: “Probably for the same reason you wanted to get one—to vacuum with.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t let people buy them all!” *storms out*

Related:
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

(One of our new employees is dealing with a customer who is clearly angry, and is being physically aggressive and threatening. We are on the verge of calling security, but we can see that our new employee is still very calm. We hit the button when we see the customer lunge at her, despite the fact that she doesn’t react at all, and just stares at him. I run over to see what’s wrong.)

Me: “Hi there, I’m the manager. Is there a problem I can help with?”

Customer: “This white b**** won’t give me the sale price!”

(The customer waves a sale leaflet from one of our competitors in my face.)

New Employee: *still very calm* “I tried to tell him that isn’t our flyer, and we don’t even have that item, but he doesn’t seem interested in hearing that.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you b****! You just don’t want me to get this great price!”

New Employee: “Sir, I have two things to say. Firstly, that flyer is from last year—”

Customer: “How the f*** do you know?!”

New Employee: “Because, it’s for a summer sale, and it is currently February. Second, if we had that item at a great price and you wanted it but could not find it, I would do my best to track it down in-store for you. If we didn’t have it here, I would call other stores for you. The simple truth is that we don’t carry that particular item.”

Customer: “How the f*** do you know?”

New Employee: “Because, sir, it’s an adult novelty, and this is a children’s clothing store.”

(Security arrives and escorts the customer out of the store.)

Me: “I don’t know how you were able to stay so calm! You almost sounded bored! I don’t think your expression changed the entire time!”

New Employee: “Oh, I have a lot of trouble with body language. I figured out a long time ago that when I get confused, it’s better not to respond at all, because usually I laugh and it makes them angry.”

(She’s now one of our area supervisors, and is actually better at handling the rare aggressive customer we get than our security team. This is because, apparently, a person who can’t be intimidated makes people uncomfortable.)