I work at a company that sells equipment like furniture and computers to schools. Most of our orders come through our website, but we also take a lot by phone, especially when a person hasn’t made up their mind about what specific items they want and needs to discuss it.

One day I get a phone call from a woman who introduces herself as the deputy head teacher at a brand-new school. She wants to order computer equipment for the teachers to use in their classrooms, for the offices, for the student computer labs, and for the school library.  

This is a LOT of equipment.

She doesn’t have specifics of the requirements and doesn’t seem to know a lot about computers, so she asks me to recommend models for the different purposes, and I run through some options with her, making a list as I go about everything she wants. 

Unsurprisingly, the list starts to add up very quickly to a substantial cost. She didn’t give me a budget to stick to, so I’m just suggesting the best models we have that seem to suit her needs.

Eventually, we are nearing the end of the conversation; I have read off the list of everything she’s asked me for and got her to confirm that she’s happy with it, and she starts giving me the address and other details for delivery. It occurs to me that we still haven’t mentioned money, and that I’ll need to set up an account for her school.

Me: “I’ll need to set up an account for you. Do you have a school credit card?”

Caller: “A credit card? Like what you buy things with?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “To buy… the computers?”

Me: “That’s right. For everything on the list I just read to you, the total would come to £[a large amount].”

Thus far in the conversation, she had been quite professional in manners and tone. Now, however, she began speaking so coquettishly and cutely, I could picture her twirling a bit of hair around her finger as she spoke.

Caller: “Weeeeeeeell… I thought maybe you’d like to just give them to me? Like a little present for me?”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Because I’ve been working sooooooo hard on the school, and it’s for the little children. So you should just give me the stuff?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is a business. We don’t just give away computers on this scale. If your budget is tight, I can recommend some lower-cost options—”

Caller: “Nooooo! I want the nice ones! The nice ones! But they’re for the children, so you should give them to me for free as a present! Do you hate children?”

Gobsmacked at this behaviour, I am trying to work out how to answer when I hear a scuffle on the other end of the line, and the woman arguing with somebody. Then the phone is hung up.

Wondering if I’ve been pranked, I return to some other work. About ten minutes later, another call comes through, this time from our receptionist, who tells me she has a caller who is looking for a member of staff who just dealt with a caller asking for presents. I confirm that this was me, and the very amused receptionist puts the call through.

It was the headteacher of the school calling to apologise for the previous call. The caller had not been the deputy head teacher; she was a member of the office staff who had volunteered to contact us, claiming she had a way to get us to give her a discount.

The head teacher overheard the last minute or so of our conversation, and when she realised that the woman was trying to guilt a company into giving them free stuff, she took the phone away from her. She wanted to know if I still had time to help her choose computers, and we had the same conversation all over again. This time, however, we ended up with a totally different final list, as the head teacher actually knew the requirements and budget.

I used to work for a large toy superstore, and they decided to have a special sale on the Wii video game system.

I’ll never forget walking into work and seeing the sale sign, just a few weeks before Black Friday, that said:

Sign: “GET THE Wii FOR $99.99!”

I immediately wanted to call in sick because I knew my day was about to be destroyed, but a manager had already seen me, so it was no use.

You see, with that sale, you could indeed get the Wii (which retailed at $249.99 at the time) for $99.99, but like all deals… You had to read the fine print. 

To get the Wii for $99.99, you had to purchase $150 of other items to make that deal happen. These other items were:

• A 20-pack of our store-branded AA batteries.
• A lame looking Olympics game with popular characters from two different franchises.
• A specific gaming ottoman for the Wii.
• Four items of your choice made by Gear Ape for the Wii system.

It would ring up as $99 for the Wii and $150 for the other items, meaning you ended up spending the regular cost of the Wii of $249.99.

Did many people actually read all those details? F*** no.

I barely made it to the electronics section where I worked before I heard my phone ringing, which, as expected, was someone asking: 

Caller: “Are you guys really selling the Wii for $99?!?!”

These were the easier part of my day because I got to let the customer down gently, and because they’d already questioned the legitimacy of the sale. You see, our store had sent emails out about the deal with the subject line “GET THE Wii FOR $99.99” with the details INSIDE the email.

Then came the trouble customers. Person after person who’d thrown on their shoes and rushed to the store to get their hands on a $99 Wii, only to b**** at me when I told them there was more to the sale and they needed to read the ENTIRE email. I’ll never forget one particular woman, though.

Customer: *Walks right up to me and ignores my greeting.* “I want the Wii for $99.99!”

Me: *Internal groan.* “There’s more detail to the sale than that, you also have to purchase these other items to—”

Customer: “—I don’t care about any of that and don’t want it, I just want the Wii for $99.99!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. The entire detail of the sale was in the email and all the advertising.”

Customer: “I just told you I don’t care about all that. The email said the Wii was $99.99, and you need to sell it to me like that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not how the sale works.”

Customer: “Then that’s false advertising. You are falsely advertising.”

Me: “It’s not false advertising. All the detail is there in black and white.”

Customer: “Not it’s not! It’s false advertising, and I want to see a manager!”

This, of course, was not the last time I had to call a manager over that day to deal with someone who started whining about false advertising. My manager did set her straight, though, and of course, she didn’t get a $99 Wii.

That sale was only three days long, but it was absolutely miserable. I got called names by rude customers, got b****ed at, and told myself I’d quit on the spot if they ever did another advertisement like that again. Yes, there was an occasional parent who thought it was a good deal, but mostly it was just people who didn’t know how to read. 

Also, for those of you about to come in and say, “Well, I’d just buy the bundle and return all the other stuff, then keep my $99 Wii”, you can’t do that. Anything sold as a bundle/deal in my Toybox store also had to be *returned* as a bundle to keep people from doing just that.

A customer is paying at the counter, and her eyes widen in shock:

Customer: “$11.50?!? The deal outside says any two sandwiches for $12!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, but one of the sandwiches you got had a regular price of $5.50 and the other is only $6, so it was cheaper without the deal—”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You’re advertising a deal outside and then denying it to paying customers!”

Me: “No, I was just saving you—”

Customer: “—I want to see a manager!”

My manager deals with the customer, and I continue serving other people. After what feels like forever, the manager walks over with a sigh and tells me:

Manager: “Charge the customer $12.”

We both share a look, but I know not to argue, and the customer pays her $12 with a look of smug satisfaction on her face. After she leaves:

Manager: “Remember, customers see a deal, and they only want the deal. They’re so dumb that they only focus on the number that they expect it to be and nothing else. This will happen again during this sale.”

And it did, sadly.

CORRECTION: A POV error has been corrected.

Manager: “We need to clear some space on the canned food aisle for [new promotional item].”

Me: “I can clear out all those extra baked beans cans that were overordered last month.”

Manager: “We still haven’t shifted those?!”

Me: “No. They’re down to fifty cents a can, but they’re still there gathering dust.”

Manager: “Advertise them as two for a dollar.”

Me: “But that’s the same price.”

Manager: “Do it. Trust me.”

I added the new label on the display that afternoon. By the next day, they were all gone. I didn’t even have to program the sale into the system, as it was the same price.

We had room on the shelves for the new promotional items within two days…

I’m scanning a customer’s groceries. It’s a sale weekend, and some items are coming in at weird, random percentages cheaper than the shelf price.

Customer: “Wait, stop! How much are those checking out at?!”

Me: “Uh, those are… they’re $6.67.”

Customer: “That’s awfully close to $6.66!”

Me: “Haha, I guess.”

Customer: “On the shelf, they were $7.67!”

Me: “Then I guess… It’s a good thing?!”

Customer: “How is it a good thing! It’s bringing me closer to The Devil! Change the price!”

Me: “Only a manager can do that, sir.”

Customer: “Then get one!”

I call my supervisor over, and the predicament is explained to him. I’m amazed he was able to keep a straight face.

Supervisor: “I’ll be happy to adjust them back to the shelf price for you, sir.”

He does so, and because the customer is buying five of the items, his total goes up by five dollars.

Customer: “Wait, stop! Why did it go up?”

Supervisor: “$6.67 to $7.67 is an increase of a dollar.”

Customer: *Squinting.* “Oh. Well… can you put it back?”

Supervisor: “And risk putting you into contact with The Devil? I wouldn’t dream of it, sir! Will that be cash or card?”

Customer: “…”

The customer pays and sullenly walks out. I’m not sure what price he was reading to get him so numerically confused, but I’m glad he survived his test of faith!

Related:
A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 10
A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 9
A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 8
A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 7
A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 6