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Homework For Super Villainy 101

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

Me: “Um… we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

Customer: “Oh… I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

Me: “Uh… no?”

Deception School Drop-Out

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2009

Me: “Your total is $42.98.”

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. Those pillows are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just got these pillows in today. They won’t be on sale for at least a few more weeks.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They say they’re on sale! You have to give me the sale price.”

Me: “Well, I’ll double-check for you, but I already sold a few others today and no one else paid a sale price for them.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? Because I already checked! They all say they’re on sale!”

(She points to the price tags on the pillows that have been haphazardly covered up by sale stickers.)

Me: “Yes, and those sale stickers also say that these pillows are napkins.”

This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol… you know, for the email?”

Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

Me: “…”

The Beauty Of A One-Track Mind

, , , | Right | February 13, 2008

Me: Thank you for calling [Retail Store], what can I help you with?

Lady: “Yes, I was wondering if you had any TV’s that were in your ad.”

*I remember selling the last one a few moments ago*

Me: “I’m sorry, we have no more left in stock.”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “Because I sold the last one a few moments ago.”

Lady: “Why would you do something like that? I wanted one.”

Me: “Well thats what we do here, we sell things. We may get some more in tomorrow. You could call tomorrow morning and ask to put one on hold.”

Lady: “Okay, I’d like to do that now.”

Me: “I can’t do that, we don’t have any now. I meant to try again tomorrow.”

Lady: “Okay. The name is Johnson.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have any more of the TV’s that were on sale to put on hold. I don’t understand why you are not grasping that. We have zero TV’s that you want. I have several other models that are not on sale you can choose from.”

Lady: “I would like the one in your ad to be put on hold under my name.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are sold out of that model!”

Lady: “Okay. I’ll come pick it up later today.”

Me: “Ma’am, I sold the last TV before you called!”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: *click*

The Problem With Blank Checks, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 3, 2008

(I’m standing behind my counter when a man comes up to me with a prepaid phone and airtime card in his hand.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I wanna buy this.”

(I usually make people tell me what they want before I just “hop to.”)

Me: “That’ll be $63.55.”

Customer: *sets check down in front of me* “Just fill that out for me.”

Me: *thinking about writing a check for $20 over for a tip*

Related:
The Problem With Blank Checks