Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

A Deal You Can’t Pass Up! Except You Totally Can.

, , , , , | Working | November 3, 2021

My broadband contract is up for renewal. Spookily, I see an advert on social media for new and existing customers. It’s about the same price, but there is a free smart device and smart plug. I go to my broadband account but can’t see the offer. Confused, I open the chat feature on the website.

Me: “Hi. I’m interested in [package] with the free gift.”

Tech: “Yes, that will be the one at [slightly higher price].”

Me: “Oh, I thought it was cheaper. Did I misread the advert?”

Tech: “I’m afraid so. The total for the package with the free gift will be £29 a month for eighteen months. But it does come with a free gift of the smart speaker and plug, worth £79!”

Me: “So, if I pay £5 a month more for eighteen months — a total of £90 — I will get a free gift worth £79?”

Tech: “I understand what you are saying, but those are the requirements of the offer.”

Me: “I don’t think I will take you up on that.”

The tech gives me the “important customer” script.

Tech: “What can we do to keep you? We can price-match another quote.”

Me: “Nothing. The service is annoying and poor at times. I would have put up with it for a new smart speaker. But I can get better service at the same price somewhere else.”

Tech: “Thank you, but the deal is set at that price.”

Me: “I completely understand. As I said, I won’t be renewing at this time.”

Tech: “You know what? I understand. Thank you for your time. Would you be able to fill in a quick survey?”

I did, and to be fair, they got the full five stars even if they didn’t keep my business.

It’s Only A Trap If You Let It Be A Trap

, , , , | Working | October 27, 2021

When my wife and I were newlyweds, we got one of those, “You definitely have won a car! [in fine print] or one of these other cheap gifts,” ads for what was clearly a timeshare. I was young, but I had already gotten the wise advice to leave the checkbook behind before going to these things. We chanced it and made the long drive to see the place and collect our alleged gift.

The sales guy launched into his spiel about how wonderful the program was, all the cool perks of the place, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then, he started outlining just how “inexpensive” it was. Unfortunately for him, I can do math in my head and could do an impromptu cost/benefit analysis. I knew we’d never get any real value out of the sale.

Salesman: “So, here’s what I’m going to do for the two of you. You can have our deluxe package for [Deal #1]. What can you put down today?”

Me: “That’s not something that’s really in our budget.”

Salesman: “I see. Well, how about this? [Deal #2].”

Me: “No, I don’t think that’s going to work, either.”

Salesman: “Okay, then I can always offer you [Deal #3].”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

At this point, my wife was red-faced and looking very uncomfortable. The whole sales pitch was devolving and I was finding it easier to say “no” with each offer. And by “devolving,” I mean that the following transpired in less than thirty seconds:

Salesman: “How about [Deal #4]?”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #5].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #6].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #7].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #8].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #9].”

Me: “No.”

The salesman and coldly extended his hand.

Salesman: “Have a good day.”

We collected our cheap prize, and on the drive back home, my wife said she would have signed from the pressure. We never did get a tour of the property. Maybe he’s a good salesman, but it sure seemed like a weaselly business to me.

Completely Uninterested In ANYTHING You’re Sharing

, , , , , | Working | October 26, 2021

It’s a few months into the health crisis, and I’m at home with my family for the evening. The doorbell rings. I look outside — the upper half of my front door is normal transparent glass — and there’s a man standing there, maskless. My best guess is that he either wants to sell me something or ask me to sign a petition, but at this point, I don’t feel comfortable sharing air with a stranger, so I give him a little smile and wave but I don’t open the door.

He begins shouting through the door.

Salesman: “Hi, how are you this evening?”

Me: *Shouting back* “Good, thanks! Sorry, I’m not opening the door right now, but can I help you?”

Salesman: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, I’m not really comfortable doing that! Can I help you?”

Salesman: “Man, you’re lame as h***.”

He then walked away before I could find out what he wanted. Good thing for him, too, because if I knew what company or organization he was working for, I probably would have given them a call about him.

Move Or Be Moved

, , , , , , , | Working | September 30, 2021

I’m about to pick my kids up from school. As I turn the handle on the door, someone presses the doorbell. I open the door and a guy with a clipboard is stood there.

Me: “Not a good time; I’m leaving the house.”

Guy: “It won’t take a moment.”

Me: “I don’t have a moment. I need to leave, now.”

Guy: “I’m sure you have a moment to hear about the great savings.”

Me: “Look. You move or I go through you.”

He looks me up and down and smirks.

Guy: “I don’t think that is going to happen.”

Me: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I go to step around him, but he actually pushes me back. I am not much to look at but I’m deceptively strong and have trained in martial arts for several years, so I at least have a bit of an idea of how to handle myself. I step on his instep, collapsing his knee, and let him fall into the nearby bush.

Me: “Like I said, move or be moved.”

The next day, someone claiming to be the guy’s manager came to my door. But I was able to show him the video of the guy pushing me first. And before I could finish my sentence, the manager apologised and muttered something about, “Not again.”

The company didn’t bother me afterward.

Unless Your System Can Prevent Floods, Go Away!

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2021

Our shop has been open for about six months when the worst floods in years strike and the place is flooded. We are in the process of cleaning up, like all the other businesses nearby, when a man comes in. I’m cleaning the bar so I greet him.

Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

Man: “Yes, I’m actually wondering if the owner is around. I’d like to talk to them about our point of sale and credit card processing system. I am confident that ours will be better than whatever you’re currently using.”

I look around. Tables and chairs are stacked on the upper ground floor, and my colleagues are hosing river mud off the lower ground. This is clearly not the time. We’re an extremely close team and this has obviously been incredibly upsetting for our owner. I make an executive decision that he doesn’t need to deal with this now.

Me: “I’m afraid he’s not available at the moment. As you can see, we’re dealing with a situation just now. But please leave your card and I’ll pass it on.”

I take his card and he leaves. The owner has been wiping tables a few feet away.

Owner: “I love you.”

Best job I’ve ever had. And we’re still going!