Our shampoos are currently buying one get one free. A customer walks over carrying just the one bottle.

Customer: “I only want one of these, so I’ll get it at half price.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. The offer is—”

Customer: “—I know what the offer is, but I just told you I don’t want two. I’ll take one at half price. It works out the same anyway.”

Me: “Mathematically, maybe, but not promotionally. The register won’t let me do that.”

Customer: “But it’s the same deal!”

Me: “With respect, ma’am, it isn’t. If what you wanted was the deal, it would be 50% off, but it’s not.”

Customer: “Ugh! Just get your manager to do it for me.”

Happy for my manager to deal with it, I call him over. After the customer has made her case:

Manager: “Ma’am, if you only want one, then we still have to charge you full price for it. That’s the deal, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Honestly! It’s like you’re just trying to make me spend more money or something!”

Manager: “…or something.”

I go into a burger place to get a late-night burger.

Me: “I’ll get a regular burger, please.”

Cashier: “We have a deal on at the moment! The cheeseburger is ten cents cheaper than the regular burger right now.”

Me: “But… I don’t like cheese.”

Cashier: “Then I’ll need to charge you full price.”

Me: “You’re charging me more for eating one less ingredient?”

Cashier: “That’s the deal.”

Me: “You can take off ingredients, right?”

Cashier: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, I can’t believe you’re making me say this, but I want a cheeseburger, without the cheese.”

Cashier: “…”

Me: “You heard me? I said I wanted a—”

Cashier: *Annoyed.* “—cheeseburger without cheese! Yes! I heard you!”

I got my discounted burger, minus the cheese, and hopefully that place got a lesson on how stupid some deals can be.

Me: “Just a soda, thanks.”

Cashier: “$2.50.”

Me: “The sign outside says sodas are on special for a dollar.”

Cashier: “Oh, you have to tell me that you want the dollar drink.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird.”

Cashier: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’d like the soda.”

Cashier: “$2.50—”

Me: “—dollar soda! I would like the dollar soda!”

Cashier: “Okay! Jeez, don’t sound so desperate.”

Me: “Boss, did you write the sale sign for the apples today?”

Boss: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “You wrote ‘buy one, get 50% off’.”

Boss: “Yeah, we’re having a deal.”

Me: “So the apples are half price?”

Boss: “What? No, you buy one pack of apples, and you get another pack for 50% off.”

Me: “Then the sign should say ‘buy one, get one 50% off’.”

Boss: “I don’t see the difference.”

Me: “Trust me, there is one, and our customers will see it.”

Boss: “Aren’t you always complaining that our customers never read the signs anyway?”

Me: “They have selective vision. Only the signs inconvenient to them are invisible. The way this sign is written, they can legitimately demand to get all the apples at half price.”

Boss: “I’m too busy. I don’t have time to rewrite the sign.”

Me: “I’ll do it then.”

Boss: “No, I need you to finish your opening duties.”

Me: “So I can send every customer demanding half-price apples to you?”

Boss: “…”

Me: “…”

Boss: “Okay, fine, what way should I write the sign then?”

We got the right sign out. Of course, we still had some customers demanding 50% off of all their apples, but at least that was down to regular customer stupidity, and not my boss’s.

A few months ago, I saw that a retail chain that I like was opening a new store in my town and was hiring. I applied for the job, got it, and went through all the new-store training that was required before the store opened.

Then comes opening day, and we’re all excited. There are signs up everywhere saying it’s our first day open, there was a notice in the local paper, and there are even balloons at the entrance with coworkers handing out “day one sales” flyers telling everyone coming in that it’s our first day. 

A woman comes up to me at the counter with a few items and tries to combine multiple sales flyers.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s one flyer per customer.”

Customer: *Immediately annoyed.* “They didn’t have a problem with me doing this last time!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have literally been open for two hours, and the flyers you’re trying to overuse have ‘OPENING DAY’ written on them with today’s date.”

Customer: *Looking at the flyer, apparently for the first time.* “This is entrapment!”

She storms away, leaving me wondering why that was her defence. I guess when customers are told no, they have a roster of automatic replies they try to use to get what they want?

I told my coworker about it at the end of the day, and she laughed, telling me that she also had a customer demanding a discount because she was “here yesterday” and the manager was rude to her.