Twice The Prongs, Half The Brains

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(My dad used to work part time at a tool and garden supply store; this happened around the holidays.)

My dad: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need and extension cord, but I need one with prongs on both ends.”

My dad: “We don’t sell them. It’s very dangerous to have copper exposed at both ends.”

Customer: “Well, I need one. Can’t you make me one?”

My dad: “No I can’t, sir. It would be extreamly dangerous and unethical for me to make that for you. What do you need this for? Maybe I can help you find something else.”


(My dad suddenly figures out why the guy needs a double pronged extension cord.)

My dad: “Let me guess, you put the Christmas lights up backwards?”

Customer: “Yeah…” *stomps off*

Homework For Super Villainy 101

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

Me: “Uh…no?”

This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

| Burlington, Ontario, Canada | Top

Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

Me: “Ok…”

Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol…you know, for the email?”

Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

Me: “…”

The Problem With Blank Checks, Part 2

| Nebraska, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m standing behind my counter when a man comes up to me with a prepaid phone and airtime card in his hand.)

Me: “Can I help you sir?”

Customer: “I wanna buy this.”

(I usually make people tell me what they want before I just “hop to.”)

Me: “That’ll be $63.55.”

Customer: *sets check down in front of me* “Just fill that out for me.”

Me: *thinking about writing a check for $20 over for a tip*

The Problem With Blank Checks

Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

| Suffolk, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling ***** Pet Insurance. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

Me: “Okay…have you tried calling your bank?”

Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

Me: *sigh*