Our corporate decides to do a “One-Day 40%-Off Sale” for cardholders. I’m not working the sale, but I am working the day before, and unfortunately, everyone wants special treatment.

Customer: “Can I get the 40% off today?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but that’s for tomorrow only.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, can you hold [massive cart of stuff] until tomorrow?”

Me: “No, we’re not doing any holds until tomorrow. That wouldn’t be fair to the other customers.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, can you check?”

The very first time this was asked, I asked my manager over the radio for the customer’s sake. The manager said no.

Customer: “Oh… Well, will your manager just give me the 40% off today?”

Me: “No. The sale is tomorrow.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, can you call her up here and ask her?”

Me: “No. She’s not going to break the rules just for you.”

Customer: “But I’m here now! Can’t you just make an exception, so I don’t have to come all the way back here tomorrow?”

I start imagining how nice it would be if I could just strangle the person.

Me: “No.”

Cue angry huffing and storming out. That scenario repeated all day. On the plus side, I did get quite a lot of pleasure at telling customers “no” and not budging for them.

I work in a restaurant. We have a deal where two kids eat free with an adult purchase of food on Thursdays. A lady comes in with one child.

Lady: “Can I come back Sunday and use the second kids-eat-free that day, since I don’t have two kids with me?”

This happens right after Black Friday.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: *Points to a tag* “The tag on these pants says they’re $54.99.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “But the sign says they’re $24.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Why are the prices different?”

Me: “Because they’re on sale, sir.”

This story is part of our Black Friday 2023 roundup!

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My broadband contract is up for renewal. Spookily, I see an advert on social media for new and existing customers. It’s about the same price, but there is a free smart device and smart plug. I go to my broadband account but can’t see the offer. Confused, I open the chat feature on the website.

Me: “Hi. I’m interested in [package] with the free gift.”

Tech: “Yes, that will be the one at [slightly higher price].”

Me: “Oh, I thought it was cheaper. Did I misread the advert?”

Tech: “I’m afraid so. The total for the package with the free gift will be £29 a month for eighteen months. But it does come with a free gift of the smart speaker and plug, worth £79!”

Me: “So, if I pay £5 a month more for eighteen months — a total of £90 — I will get a free gift worth £79?”

Tech: “I understand what you are saying, but those are the requirements of the offer.”

Me: “I don’t think I will take you up on that.”

The tech gives me the “important customer” script.

Tech: “What can we do to keep you? We can price-match another quote.”

Me: “Nothing. The service is annoying and poor at times. I would have put up with it for a new smart speaker. But I can get better service at the same price somewhere else.”

Tech: “Thank you, but the deal is set at that price.”

Me: “I completely understand. As I said, I won’t be renewing at this time.”

Tech: “You know what? I understand. Thank you for your time. Would you be able to fill in a quick survey?”

I did, and to be fair, they got the full five stars even if they didn’t keep my business.

When my wife and I were newlyweds, we got one of those, “You definitely have won a car! [in fine print] or one of these other cheap gifts,” ads for what was clearly a timeshare. I was young, but I had already gotten the wise advice to leave the checkbook behind before going to these things. We chanced it and made the long drive to see the place and collect our alleged gift.

The sales guy launched into his spiel about how wonderful the program was, all the cool perks of the place, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then, he started outlining just how “inexpensive” it was. Unfortunately for him, I can do math in my head and could do an impromptu cost/benefit analysis. I knew we’d never get any real value out of the sale.

Salesman: “So, here’s what I’m going to do for the two of you. You can have our deluxe package for [Deal #1]. What can you put down today?”

Me: “That’s not something that’s really in our budget.”

Salesman: “I see. Well, how about this? [Deal #2].”

Me: “No, I don’t think that’s going to work, either.”

Salesman: “Okay, then I can always offer you [Deal #3].”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

At this point, my wife was red-faced and looking very uncomfortable. The whole sales pitch was devolving and I was finding it easier to say “no” with each offer. And by “devolving,” I mean that the following transpired in less than thirty seconds:

Salesman: “How about [Deal #4]?”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #5].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #6].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #7].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #8].”

Me: “No.”

Salesman: “[Deal #9].”

Me: “No.”

The salesman and coldly extended his hand.

Salesman: “Have a good day.”

We collected our cheap prize, and on the drive back home, my wife said she would have signed from the pressure. We never did get a tour of the property. Maybe he’s a good salesman, but it sure seemed like a weaselly business to me.