Paying Bills Is A Resident Evil

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2018

(I apply to rent an apartment, only to realize a few hours later that I foolishly based my ability to pay rent on my total income rather than how much I have left after paying my bills, meaning the apartments are actually around two hundred dollars out of my price range. The complex’s website lacks any contact information aside from the application, and I have no intention of making a half-hour drive just to say “my bad,” but it’s such a minor issue that I figure I can just tell them what happened when they call, if they call me back at all. They do, and the following conversation takes place.)

Employee: “Hi, we’re calling to let you know that you’ve been approved as a potential resident. Can you come in for an interview on this date?”

Me: “Actually, I calculated my funds wrong, so I can’t afford your apartments after all. Sorry.”

Employee: “Okay. Are you still interested?”

Me: “No, I can’t afford it.”

Employee: “And why do you say that?”

Me: “Because I have other bills to pay.”

Employee: “I see. Would you care to come in for an interview, anyway?”

Me: *pause* “I would not. Thanks for calling.”

(I have to say I admired her persistence. Her performance, not so much.)

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Aging Is A Terabyte Thing

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2018

(I go in to a major retailer to buy a USB flash drive. I pick up the cheapest one and go to checkout. It’s only while the purchase is being rung up that I realize it’s a 16-gigabyte flash drive. I’m 30 years old, and the cashier who’s ringing me up looks to be about 18-ish.)

Me: “Woah, that’s weird.”

Cashier #1: “What?”

Me: “A 16-gig flash drive for seven bucks. I vividly remember when a 512-meg one was like, 30.”

Cashier #1: “I don’t remember that, but I remember when a 2-gig was $7.”

Me: “That was d*** near yesterday!”

Cashier #2: *next to us, who’s my age* “Or when floppy drives were the s***.”

Me: “When I was in elementary school, I was asked to bring in a floppy drive for computer science days. Heck, I remember when you had to put in one floppy to boot the computer up, then pull that out and put in the one for the program you actually wanted to use.”

Cashier #1: “I’ve worked with those! We were doing a ‘history of computers’ unit in school!”

Me: *whimpers a little bit internally* “DOS commands?”

Cashier #1: “Yep, learned those… What?”

Me: *whimpers a little bit externally*

(My fiancé’s reaction when I got home and told him this story? “Yep. Face it, honey: you’re old now.” He’s 29.)

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Not Your Typical Psychic-Next-Door

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(I work in a coffee shop situated on a strip of psychic shops in a downtown “witch city.” It is one of our busiest days.)

Customer: *cutting to the front of the line* “I have a question.”

Me: *continuing to make drinks* “Okay, shoot.”

Customer: “What are the hours of the psychic shop next door?”

(Baffled because the hours of said shop are in enormous white lettering on the shop window, I just look at her.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know off the top of my head, but if you—”

Customer: *loudly* “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me: “I’m s—”


Me: *fed up at this point and trying to finish orders and get other people served* “I just don’t! But if you look on the window, I’m sure the hours will be there.”

(The woman starts to storm off.)

Me: *calling after her* “I’m sorry, but I’m not psychic!”

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Unfiltered Story #100105

, , , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

Because our trash is mostly plastic bags and paper, we can easily just press it down to make room in the barrel for more. One of my coworkers regularly sticks his foot in the barrel to squash everything down completely, so one day I decide to do the same.

Manager: “Oh, you’re going to do like [Coworker] does?”

I press my foot into the barrel at the wrong angle, and when it comes back up, so does most of the trash, which spills on the floor.

Manager: “…that’s not how [Coworker] does it.”

The Daily Grind

, , , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(I serve in a restaurant that offers a little of everything. On this Tuesday morning, I am physically and mentally exhausted as I’d gotten off the night shift Monday night at 10:30 pm. So, I am the one Not Always Working. This is my second table of the day, around noon.)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name] and I’ll be taking care of you this evening…”

(The three guests look confused but not angry so I quickly amend what I said.)

Me: “This morning…”

(More confusion with just a hint of grins all the way around.)

Me: “This afternoon…”

Guest #1: *with a smile* “Aw, sometime today, right?”

(Guests #2 and #3 start laughing and even I laugh at myself.)

Me: “Yeah, sometime today! I’m sorry, I worked the night shift last night and I’m still a little tired.”

Guest #2: “It’s okay, honey.”

Me: “Thank you. So, can I get you started with something to drink?”

Guest #1: “Will it be out today?”

Me: *grinning* “I promise it will.”

(The rest of my shift went off without a hitch. That particular group gave me a pretty good tip and were still joking with me even as they were leaving. One of my favorite groups of customers so far!)

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