The World’s Least Fun Game Of Tag

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2019

Customer: “So, I have these two swim cover-ups, and you guys forgot to take the security tags off.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! I can get those off for you, but if I could see a receipt, that usually makes security happy.”

Customer: “No, but I swear to God I bought them here.”

(I take the swimsuit cover-ups out. They have no tags, but the security devices are similar to ours. However, the brands are not two I recognize.)

Me: “Are you sure you got them here? These don’t look familiar to me.”

Customer: “Yes, some girlfriends and I were shopping for our cruise a few months ago, so I bought them right here on clearance. They were only, like, fifteen dollars.”

Me: “We didn’t have swimsuits or cover-ups a few months ago, especially not on clearance. We just moved swim back up here from downstairs last week. We’re at [Retail Chain]; are you sure you didn’t mean to park outside [Other Two Anchor Chains]?”

Customer: “No, I bought it here. Right up here, in that corner over there. I bought them right here. I swear to God, I did, I bought them right here. They weren’t that much money.”

Me: “Okay, but my computer isn’t even showing that we carry these brands. So I’m just going to call a manager, okay?”

Customer: “Do whatever, but I need those tags off. I’m going on a cruise and I need them today. I don’t have time for this.”

(The manager comes and hears the whole story, and we have security Google who carries the brands. They are a [Different Retail Chain, not in our mall] exclusive brand.)

Manager: “So, you really will have to go over there and get these off. See?” *shows her on her phone that they aren’t our brand* “I’m afraid it isn’t our policy to remove other people’s security tags.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy them there! I’ve never gone there! I bought them here; I always buy things here. I swear to God they were on clearance. I bought them right here. I don’t know why you won’t believe me.”

Me: “Well, the problem with that is that I’m here 40 hours a week, every week. We did not have swim up here a few months ago; it was downstairs. We did not have any clearance, and those brands are [Different Retail Chain] exclusives, meaning we don’t carry them, we can’t carry them, and we never carried them. So, we can’t take off the security tags because they aren’t our merchandise. I don’t know else I can say this.”

Customer: “You are wrong. You are both wrong. I swear to God! I got them here!”

(My manager ends up taking them off and the customer leaves.)

Manager: “I didn’t really see how else we were going to solve that situation, so security said to just let it go.”

Me: “Well, if she did steal them, we know it wasn’t from us.”

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Unfiltered Story #156837

, , , | Unfiltered | July 3, 2019

(This summer I worked at a small family shoe store that sells European brands designed to be comfortable and stylish.  Our most popular brand is Birkenstock.  One day, a customer came in wearing a Birkenstock Arizona–the 2-strap style–on one foot, and had toilet paper wrapped one time around the other.  One of my coworkers attended to her.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome!  How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I just walked from the nail salon a couple blocks from here.  They accidentally got wax in my other shoe and it won’t come out, so now my foot slides around in it and I didn’t want to wear it over here.  I told the lady there I wasn’t going to pay, and that I was going to go buy another pair and show her the receipt and they would pay me the difference.”

Coworker: “(looks at customer’s sandal; it is a color we do not carry) OK, well, we unfortunately don’t have that color, but if you sit down I can measure your feet and I can bring out some other colors for you to try.”

(She does this, and brings out several pairs of Arizonas.  The customer talks quite a bit, saying that she is a college professor, as well as some very strange things…)

Customer: “(tries on a pair) Ha, I can wear these the next time I actually wear a bra!”

(After about 20 minutes, my coworker starts to try to eliminate some of the shoes to help the customer choose)

Coworker: “(picking up a pair) So you didn’t really like these ones, right?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to correct you.  It’s grammatically incorrect to say ‘these ones’. *smiles* Sorry, I teach English so I’m very grammar-conscientious!”

Coworker: “Oh, really?  I don’t think I knew that!”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s a class marker, whether someone says ‘these’ or ‘these ones!'” (launches into a story about the reason ‘these ones’ is grammatically incorrect)

(The customer ended up buying six pairs of Birkenstock Arizonas, plus a bottle of cork sealant, which amounted to about $630.  My coworker later told me that she was a bit miffed by the comment about grammar being a ‘class marker’, and that she never would have expected this customer to be able to drop over $600 just for shoes.  Can’t say I don’t agree!)

A Syrup-Sweet Ending

, , , , | Working | June 18, 2019

(I have ordered some flavor syrups from a Wisconsin-based online retailer. The phone call goes smoothly with me providing all the necessary information I need to place the order. The order arrives in the mail a few days later and I notice that one of the tamper-proof bands on one of the syrup bottles is broken as if it has been opened, so I call them back to see if they can do anything to remedy this.)

Representative: “Thank you for calling [Company] Gourmet. How can I help you today?”

Me: “I received my order and one of the seals on the peanut butter flavors has been broken. I was wondering if I could return it and order a replacement.”

Representative: “That sometimes happens in the warehouse. One of the workers must have accidentally dropped it or broken the seal unintentionally. If you want, we can send you a whole new order to make up for it.”

Me: “That’s not necessary. I just want to return this one and hopefully get it replaced.”

Representative: “No problem. We can send you another bottle of the peanut butter flavor. Feel free to either keep the one you have or dispose of it if you don’t feel comfortable using it.”

(I gave them the necessary information and they said they’d send it free of charge. When the shipment arrived, I noticed it was heavier than normal, so I opened it to find three additional bottles of syrup and a few of the bottle tops that included a pump dispenser. I called them back and they said I could keep the entire new order they sent me, free of charge. Whoever you are, thank you. You’ve really gone over the top to make a customer happy with your brand and service.)

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Jarringly Fresh

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2019

Customer: “Can you show me where the garlic is?”

Me: “Sure, fresh garlic?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Here it is.”

Customer: “Oh, not that. The kind that’s chopped up in the jar.”

Me: “So, not fresh.”

Customer: “Well, I think of it as fresh.”

Me: “…”

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We Support A Feminine Future AND Mexican Food

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2019

(This takes place shortly after the Women’s March, for which I purchased a shirt that says, “The Future Is Female.” After the march, I head to work, where the uniform policy is fairly progressive and lax.)

Customer #1: “What does your shirt mean?”

Me: “Well, I strongly support a lot of the protests and marches that are going on, and the company making them is donating some proceeds to organizations with similar views.”

Customer #1: “So, you want to feed the hungry?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer #2: “What are you talking about?”

Customer #1: *confused, stares at [Customer #2], and then reads my shirt again* “Oh! Sorry. I thought it said, ‘The Future is Tamales.’”

Customer #2: *to me* “He lost his glasses yesterday. Sorry about that.”

(I laughed my way back to the kitchen, though I do wish there were substantially more tamales in my future, as well.)

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