They Talk Too Much

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2020

My wife has a tour company, and we often have military reunions — mostly WWII guys — come to town with multiple buses, which require us to have multiple guides. I’m standing at the second coach. 

Customer: “Are you our guide?”

Me: “I’m one of them, yes. Do you have a question?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you going to be our guide?”

Me: “I am if you are on this coach.”

Customer: “Good. I’m just making sure I’m not on the coach with the same guide from yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. That was the city tour, yes? What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “She talked the whole time we were on the bus.”

I ignore the irony of wanting a silent tour guide.

Me: “Okay, do you remember her name?”

Customer: “No, but she’s standing next to the other bus; that’s why I want to make sure that woman isn’t our guide.”

Me: “Oh, you mean my wife? Yes, she’ll be on the first coach. I’ve got this one.”

The customer muttered something under his breath, got on the bus, and sat in the back and talked to his friends during the entire tour. I still have no idea why someone would take a city tour but not want to hear any information about the city!

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Not Meeting The Bar For Customer Service

, , , , , , | Working | May 21, 2020

I deliver for an app-based food/item delivery service, and I get an order to pay for and pick up from a Mexican restaurant I have never been to before. I head in and they seem busy with a group that has shown up early so I figure that, like most places, the carryouts are handled at the bar, so I stand by the bar and wait.

For fifteen minutes, I wait, periodically meeting the eyes of several of the waitstaff as they pass and serve the people in the front, and some who go back to the back where I assume the large party is seated. At no point does anyone acknowledge me and no one seems to be working at the bar. After I realize how much time has passed, I head to the host stand and stand there for five minutes. Then, a woman walks up to me.

Hostess: “How many?”

Me: “No, um, where do I pay for and pick up a to-go order?”

Hostess: “Over at the bar.”

The hostess waved for me to follow. I stared off into space as if I were breaking the fourth wall in a sitcom.

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Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 17, 2014

(I’ve lived in New Jersey all my life but moved to Missouri roughly two months ago. I’m managing the fitting rooms in our store when a husband and wife approach me.)

Husband: “Ma’am, do you think you can help my wife find something?”

Me: “Oh! Of course! What were you looking for?”

(The couple stares at me in shock for a few seconds.)

Husband: “Where are you from? You have a very strange accent.”

Me: “I just moved out here from Jersey.”

Wife: “That’s in Europe, right?”

Me: “Er… no. I mean New Jersey. The state.”

Husband: “Oh, so you’re from Eastern Europe?”

Me: “No, sir. The East Coast of the United States.”

Husband: “Was New Jersey one of those Soviet countries?”

Wife: “It must have been. You poor dear, living under such oppression. Welcome to America! Your English really is excellent!”

Me: “Uh… thanks. What was it you were looking for?”

Wife: “Oh, I’ll get someone else to help me. I really dislike being helped by foreigners.”

This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!

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