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Can’t Get Drunk Off Your Power

, , , , | Right | July 15, 2020

I am twenty-one years old and manage a liquor store. This throws a lot of our customers off as I am the youngest person working there. I also look very young. An irate customer approaches my forty-year-old male coworker.

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager now!

Coworker: “[My Name], come here, please. Someone wants to speak to you.”

Me: “What can I help you with today, sir?”

Customer: “You’re the manager? You can’t be! You’re a woman and you only look sixteen!”

Me: “Well, sir, I am the manager. Now, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “This guy says he won’t take back this bottle. I don’t want it. Someone said it was gross.”

Me: “We won’t take back that bottle. After it leaves the store, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s state law.”

The bottle he has is one of my favorite bottles of alcohol.

Customer: “Well, I don’t want it and I want my money back.”

He keeps ranting and raving for about another twenty minutes. My coworker walks to another register to take care of the line that’s building up behind him. A regular customer of mine, who also happens to be one of my close friends, gets tired of listening to this guy repeat himself and adds his own two cents.

Friend: “Listen, man, she’s said about twenty times she’s not going to give you your money back for that bottle. Now, why don’t you shut up and get the f*** out of here?”

The irate customer stares blankly at my friend for a good thirty seconds before he sheepishly picks up his bottle and hurries out of the store.

Friend: “Is that stuff really gross? Because it looked amazing.”

Me: “It is amazing. You should go see if he’ll give it to you.”

The other customers in the store had a good laugh about that.

The Theme Song Of All Cat Owners: Mischief

, , , , , | Friendly | June 23, 2020

I’m talking to a friend late one night online. 

Friend: “Your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode.”

Me: “My theme song is apparently the sound of my cat trying to get behind the closed blinds.”

That’s One Shrimpy Portion

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2020

A customer walks up to my seafood counter.

Customer: “I’d like half a dozen of these shrimp.”

The customer points to the smallest cooked shrimp that we sell. I look at her briefly, to make sure she isn’t joking. I take six shrimp from the pile and weigh them on the scale.

Customer:That’s half a dozen?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Six is half of twelve.”

Customer: “I meant half a pound.”

Shirty With The Truth, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2020

I’m putting clothes away in the women’s department of our discount store when a friendly-looking customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Hello. Can you show me where your Ed Hardy shirts are?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but Ed Hardy shirts are very popular lately. We receive shipments on Tuesday and I think we are already sold out. You can try looking in the clearance section, though. There might be a few left.”

The customer smiles genuinely.

Customer: “Okay, thank you.”

She walks away towards the clearance section. About three hours pass.

I’m now working behind the check-out counter, organizing clothes there. The Ed Hardy customer is having an unhappy discussion with my manager, who is also behind the counter.

Customer: “Your employee hid all the Ed Hardy shirts for her friend.”

The Ed Hardy customer spots me looking at her.

Customer: “Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about! There are cameras everywhere! They’ll show you what I’m talking about.”

The customer stomped away. No one I knew had entered the store that day. I was thinking to myself, “Yes, let’s check the cameras to find out how much of a liar I am.”

Related:
Shirty With The Truth

Pouring Your Brain Cells Out With The Drinks

, , , , , , | Working | June 19, 2020

I am working at an event that starts in thirty minutes. My husband has just let me know he can’t bring me lunch like he was planning — the baby’s nap ran long — so I run to the nearest fast food place and rush through the drive-thru. 

Me: “Can I get a chicken sandwich combo with American cheese instead of Swiss? With a [drink]. And can I also get a large diet [drink]?”

Employee #1: “Sure. That will be [price]. Please pull forward.”

I do so.

Employee #2: “[Price], please. The food will be right out!”

[Employee #2] walks away. So, I wait. Five minutes in, [Employee #1] finally walks over to the window, pours my drinks, and walks back to the floor without giving them to me. She and [Employee #2] send out several in-store orders and stand around a while.

Meanwhile, I’m getting panicky about being back to my event. Finally, [Employee #1] walks to the window with a bag of food. It’s probably been over ten minutes.

Employee #1: “You had the double cheeseburger, right?”

Me: “No… I ordered the chicken sandwich.”

[Employee #1] wordlessly walks away, bag in hand. Meanwhile, I’m thinking I’ll have no choice but to drive away without the food I’ve already paid for when she comes back with a new bag.

Employee #1: “Here you go. Have a nice day.”

Me: “Um… can I have the drinks I ordered?”

Employee #1: *Snippy* “Well, I didn’t know they were yours! I just walked over here!”

Me: “So, you took my order and poured the drinks, but didn’t know they were mine?”

The employee had no response. The kicker: I finally got back to my event with about ten minutes to scarf down my food… and the order was still wrong.