Knowing The Future Should Be A Walk In The Park-ing

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I work in a hotel in a small town that often struggles for parking, especially when the weather is nice or there are big golf events. There are free and pay places to park throughout the town, but most hotels don’t have designated parking.)

Guest: “I am checking in today and I wanted to know where your parking was.”

Me: “The hotel doesn’t have designated parking, but there are free and pay-to-park locations around us. You can park on the street just across from us, and it’s free 24 hours a day.”

Guest: “So, do you think I’ll get parked there? Are there spaces?”

Me: “Well, I can’t see the road from here, and I couldn’t tell you what it will be like whenever you arrive tonight, so I have no idea.”

Guest: “No, but what is the likelihood that I’ll get parked there tonight?”

Me: “I really couldn’t tell you.”

Guest: “Well, that’s not very helpful of you, is it?”

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Had To Search Card And Wide

, , , , , | Right | January 31, 2019

(My hotel recently upgraded to key cards instead of old-school keys. Instead of getting the standard, cheap magnetic cards, we opted for more expensive cards with a chip and antenna in them that prevents them from deactivating. Because these cards aren’t cheap, we do charge for them when they are taken, and this notice is printed on each of the key cards to let guests know. One morning at checkout, I have a particularly difficult time with several guests yelling at me about the missing card charge. This interaction is the best, though.)

Me: *talking to the guest checking out* “So, you’re at a zero balance, and I’ll just need your key card, and you can be on your way!”

Guest: “I left it in the room.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because if our housekeeping staff cannot find it in the room, there is a charge for missing keys.”

Guest: “Are you serious? How much?”

Me: “£5. They’re not the cheap magnetic cards. They have a chip and antenna in them to prevent them—“

Guest: *cutting me off* “This is ridiculous! £5? You should be ashamed of yourself! I stay in hotels for business three times a week and I’ve not ever been charged for a key card!”

(He then starts to unload his things at the desk; he hangs his coat on the edge of the desk, takes out his phone, takes out ANOTHER phone, takes out his wallet, takes out his car keys… and then magically PULLS THE KEY CARD OUT OF HIS POCKET and slams it on the desk.)

Me: *trying to be as nice as possible, even though HE is the one who should be ashamed!* “Oh! Looks like it wasn’t in the room after all. Thank you sooo much for returning it, and I hope you have a nice day!”

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“A Cup Of Tea And A Bit Of A Cry” – The British Cure For Everything

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2018

(I work reception at a small hotel in a busy town with little parking available. Many of our guests come to reception to ask where to park before they check in.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to—”

Customer: “WHERE DO I PARK?”

Me: “Well, there are a few places around us. You can try the on-street parking just across from us on—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “How am I supposed to get my bags in here if I’m parked so far away?”

Me: “Well, you can unload your car in front of the hotel, and then parking is only just across the str—”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. WHO’S GOING TO HELP ME GET MY S*** OUT OF THE CAR?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m happy to help you if you pull your car up to the pavement in front of the hotel.”

Customer: “But I need to park the car! WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO PARK IT?”

Me: “What do you want to do first? Park your car, or let me help you get your things out?”


(About an hour later, she showed up, said nothing about her behaviour earlier, and checked in to the hotel like nothing happened. Later that evening, she came to reception and apologised to me for what she called a “personal breakdown.” All she needed was a nap and a cup of tea. We’ve all been there, and it takes a brave person to apologise!)

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Politics Is Killer

, , , , , , | Related | June 22, 2018

(My wife and I are watching a political drama/thriller on TV when our college-age daughter walks into the room and sits down.)

Daughter: “What are you guys watching? What’s going on here?”

Me: “Okay, so, this soldier here has just seen his buddy shot in the head, and now…[explains the plot of the film thus far].”

Daughter: “Oh… No. That seems a bit much for me, on a Thursday evening and everything. I can’t deal with that.”

(She gets out her phone and starts reading something whilst we continue watching the film.)

Me: “What is it you’re reading, anyway?”

Daughter: “Oh, I was just reading up on the Zodiac Killer.”

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