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The Gloves Are Off

, , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2017

(I’m the teacher’s assistant for a freshman biology lab class. I’ve worked with this professor for several years, and he’s as much my friend as he is my professor. Today’s lab is about running DNA on electrophoresis gels, which involves a lot of fairly hazardous chemicals. After the professor gets done explaining the concepts, he picks up one of the gels with his bare hands.)

Me: “Dude! Put some gloves on! Do you want to get cancer?!”

Professor: “Eh, whatever. I’ve already had all the kids I’m planning on having, and I figure I’m bound to get cancer, anyway, given how often I work with this stuff.”

(I face-palmed. I will say though, I’ve never seen so many freshmen scramble to get their lab gloves on that quickly!)

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It Only Takes One Iceberg…

, , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(My job involves safety training for the employees, but most people in the company see it as a waste of resources. I’ve had to come up with very strong arguments against their attitude.)

Coworker #1: “I have to go to [Industrial Plant with very strict safety rules] next month.”

Me: “You’ll need an escape mask. Before you go, remind me to show you how to use it.”

Coworker #2: “Isn’t it excessive? She’s only staying one day!”

Me: “And the Titanic only made one cruise…”

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You Had To Axe, Didn’t You?

, , , , , , | Related | March 19, 2016

(We’re reminiscing about our last family camping trip, talking about when my younger brother freaked out because my older brother was bouncing an axe, but not close enough to anyone to hurt them.)

Younger Brother: “I’m a Boy Scout; of course I freaked out. That’s the complete opposite of safety procedure. You don’t walk around swinging an axe like an idiot. You carefully put it in the sheath –” *grins* “–and THEN swing it around like an idiot!”

Me: “That way you can bludgeon people instead of just cutting them.”

Younger Brother: *solemnly* “The Boy Scout way.”


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Adding Fuel To The Fire

, , , | Friendly | January 27, 2015

(I’m in Boy Scouts, and we go on a campout every month. We have a great patrol, except for one kid who’s an idiot, but we have to let him do some stuff, or he gets mad and we get in trouble. We get up and hook the stove to the propane tank and tell him to check for anything that may leak. He glances at it for a moment and says it’s good. He’s been doing okay this time, so we believe him. I always light the stove. I light the stove and a fireball erupts, and the propane tank bursts into flames.)

Me: “HOLY S***! EVERYONE BACK!”

Idiot: “I got it!”

(He starts filling his tiny cup with water slowly and throwing it on the GAS FIRE.)

All Of Us: “YOU IDIOT, GET AWAY FROM THAT!”

(Soon, a Scoutmaster rushed over, shoved it into the dirt, and kicked mud on it, putting it out. Lesson learned: ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECK, or explode. Your choice.)


This story is part of our Boy Scout roundup!

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