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We Ask Customers Not To Add Their Own Cream To The Coffee

, , , | Right | July 12, 2021

As someone who managed a coffee shop for over nineteen years, I can say that people staying for an unlimited time is not a problem, but I have some rules that sadly have to be made clear: 1. Be friendly 2. If you can buy something 3. Don’t watch adult sites in the store.

Rule three was required because usually, an older male would be watching that stuff in the store. I would ask them to stop:

Me: “Sir, we can all see it; there’s reflective artwork behind you.”

Of course, this would start the verbal attacks. 

Seriously, don’t do that in a coffee shop!

Well You DID Warn Them…

, , | Right | July 12, 2021

I have a customer who couldn’t get her pictures to load from her phone on to the photo kiosk. I showed her how to do it with the cable, instead of wifi.

Me: “We can do it this way, but I have to warn you, it will show ALL your pictures. Please be certain you’re okay with this.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

The first picture on screen… a penis. A picture later… a very revealing picture of her. She turns beet red and smothers the screen with her body.

I stare at the floor. Mostly because I was trying not to laugh at the abject horror in her face.

Well, That’s A Horse Of A Different Color

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: verumperscientiam | July 5, 2021

I worked for about twenty years as a server and thought I’d seen it all until I started this job. I work currently as the night auditor at a small hotel in a university town.

A few weeks ago, I had a noise complaint at around 3:00 am. I called the room twice and got no response, so I walked up there and knocked on the door. When the door opened, there stood Catwoman. She purred at me.

Ummmmm…

I looked past her and there was another Catwoman sitting on the back of a man who was clearly dressed as a horse. She had a small whip and lightly smacked his a** with it. He neighed.

I just stood there with my mouth open. Just when I was starting to get my thoughts together, a dude dressed as a My Little Pony walked out of the bathroom on all fours and snorted. I lost it.

When I recovered, I told them about the noise complaint and asked them to keep it down. They apologized and I didn’t hear any more out of them. When they checked out, they were very friendly.

Couldn’t He Have Counted To Five And End It Sooner?

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2021

I am a waiter in a country cooking restaurant that serves no alcohol. Most of the servers there are female, many of them teenagers. A customer is seated in a coworker’s section. She’s in high school. I’m ten years older than her, and while she’s generally better at the job, I’m known for my long temper and excellent manners.

Coworker: “Oh, God. [My Name], can you take this one? I don’t want to deal with him.”

I’m thinking I might get a tip.

Me: “Okay!”

Coworker: *Clearly relieved* “Thank you.”

I arrive at the table.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. My name is [My Name] and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink to start?”

Customer: *Loudly* “I want a woman to take care of me!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, I can provide you with excellent service.”

Customer: *Yelling* “I don’t care!” *Louder* “I want to be taken care of by somebody with tits!

I stare in stunned silence. There is no way any woman, anywhere, of any age, deserves to be subjected to this, not even those working in the numerous strip joints less than ten minutes away.

Customer: *Still screaming* “If I don’t get a woman to take care of me by the time I count to ten, I’m leaving! One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! That’s it! I’m not eating here!”

We watch him go.

Hostess: “God willing, he won’t come back.”

I DEFINITELY DO NOT WORK HERE

, , , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: tamiraisredditing | June 24, 2021

I am studying in the park by my house one afternoon when a cute guy around my age, wearing a sweatshirt from my college, sits down directly next to me. I think that’s kind of odd, especially during a global health crisis, so I kind of scooch in the other direction.

Guy: “So… hi, I’m… I’m [Guy].”

He’s all stuttery and not making eye contact. I think it’s so sweet that he is this nervous to talk to me, so I take the bait.

Me: “Oh, well, hi, I’m [My Name].”

Guy: “Oh. That’s a really pretty name. I never would’ve guessed that would be your name.”

There is a long awkward pause as I try to think what I could say in response to that.

Guy: “So, uh, how about a walk? Around the park?”

I think, “That’s really gutsy to ask, but you know what? I kind of like that.” So, I say sure and pack up my books and off we go. I figured it is the middle of the day and we’re surrounded by other people, so, worst-case scenario, I can always ditch him if things feel shady.

As we walk, he makes more nervous small talk. I tell him some stuff about my interests and background, asking him about his.

Guy: “Wow, I didn’t expect you to actually tell me so much about yourself.”

I’m not sure how to feel about that, but all right.

Guy: “Should I just, should I tell you a little more about me, then? Because it is almost 3:00 pm.”

I figure maybe he has to go somewhere by 3:00 and I missed him mentioning it.

Me: “Sure, tell me everything I should know about you.”

I figure the whole experience to this point has been like a fairy book or sitcom so I should just keep rolling with it.

Guy: “Maybe we should have this conversation at your place.”

Uh… I thought asking me, a total stranger, to stop what I was doing and take a walk with him was gutsy. I think what he just said was sleazy. At best.

I kind of nervously chuckle as I look for non-confrontational outs to the situation.

Me: “Ahaha, we’re definitely not going to my place.”

Guy: “Oh. Okay. Sure, fine. I didn’t mean where you live, necessarily; I just meant the place, wherever it is we’re going. I’m sure you’ve got something all worked out. Anyway, I can start telling you… uh… about myself now, sure.”

He kind of looks around to see if other people are listening.

Guy: “See, I’m really more of an a** kind of guy. I have a major spanking fetish. So, if you’ve got any short skirts or—”

Uh… AAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAT?! Forget the non-confrontational exit.

Me: *Instinctively* “Stop. This conversation is over.”

I turn to hightail it into the nearest store. The guy runs after me.

Guy: “Wait, what? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to— I’m sorry! The ad said you were cool with kinks and stuff, so I just thought… Wow, I’m sorry.”

All right, that slows me down. Did he just say, “ad”? He’s stopped near me now, catching his breath.

Guy: “Again, I’m so sorry, and look, this may not be the best time to ask this, but am I still gonna be charged? Like for the full time? Even if you’re leaving?”

It took a second to figure out, but to make a long story short, this poor guy was experiencing a touch of lockdown loneliness, so he went and hired a call girl off of some personals section online.

She’d told him she’d be there in the park wearing an identical graphic tee to mine, and we apparently have very similar features because she’d described a similar height, build, hair, and eye color to mine.

Once we got everything worked out, he was especially apologetic and begged me not to speak of the encounter ever again in case we know anyone in common.

I’m going to do my best to keep that promise; instead, I’m posting about it under the cloak of Internet anonymity because — oh, my God — I just had to tell someone.


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