I’m a service technician and I’ve got a new trainee riding with me. I’m male and the trainee is female. We finish our work, and the trainee asks if she can get the key so she can warm up the van while I’m finishing up with the customer. It’s cold and snowing out, so it sounds good to me. I reach into my pocket but accidentally pull out the wrong key ring.

Me: “No, I’m not giving you my house key.”

Trainee: “Oh, come on! I thought we were friends.”

Customer: “Or more than friends?”

Me & Trainee: “…?”

Me: “Let me just get a signature on the ticket and we’re good to go.”

Normally, I’d ask if the customer had any questions about the service, but I was a bit too creeped out, so I gathered my tools, politely said goodbye, and got out of there.

I overhear two women trying on outfits in a clothing store.

Customer: “Is this too sexy? I can’t be too sexy, or I end up with more kids.”

I have lost a bet to my friend, and as punishment, I have to do a dare. He found a sweatshirt online that reads “Graduate of Yaoi University” and tells me I have to go to the mall while wearing it and walk around for one hour.

While we’re wandering the mall, we stop in the food court for drinks. The lady behind us in line notices my shirt and asks where Yaoi University is.

Me: *Pauses* “Japan?”

Lady: “Oh, that must be so exciting. Did you enjoy your time there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Lady: “What did you study?”

I’m desperately trying to keep a straight face.

Me: “Art, ma’am.”

Lady: “How fun.”

She talked for a bit about how she wished she had traveled more when she was younger.

Once we had gotten our drinks and left the area, my friends burst into uncontrollable laughter. I was so embarrassed, and I really hope she didn’t Google that “university.”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

Me: “Do you have ID I can look at?”

Customer: “I have a photocopy of it.”

Me: “No, sorry, I need the actual ID.”

Customer: “Or I can show you my tits.”

Me: *Shocked* “No.”

Customer: “What about your manager?”

My manager turns around with a WTF look on his face.

Manager: “No.”

We rescued a new dog a few months ago. Then, the health crisis started, so my five-year-old son has been doing virtual school. At this point, they’re learning about sea animals in kindergarten, so he’s telling me about them during lunch.

Son: “Miss [Teacher] says that octopus have tentacles.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Son: “Eight of them! That’s more than dogs.”

Me: “Dogs don’t have tentacles.”

Son: “When we first got Bunbury, he had a tentacle.”

Me: “What?”

Son: “Yeah! A tentacle on his butt!”

I’m terrified.

Son: “So we took him to the dog doctor to get his tentacle removed.”

Me: “Do you mean testicles?”

Son: “Yeah!”

Me: “That’s… that’s a different type of body part, buddy.”