We were doing a group exercise at university. There were five people (three guys, two girls) in our group, including a very alpha wannabe guy who was very passive-aggressive and desperate to show off to the girls in the group.

As another guy in the group, he took the opportunity to always talk over me and tried to tell everyone what to do. Every time the other guy or I suggested anything or put forward any ideas, he would interrupt with stuff like:

Wannabe Guy: “C’mon, don’t try and take over. We’re all working together.”

No one could be bothered to say too much to him because he would overreact and cause more disruption… so everyone just worked around him.

That was, until he finally talked over the other guy, who was making an important suggestion (that would eventually solve the main problem of the exercise):

Wannabe Guy: “C’mon now, man. There is no ‘I’ in team.”

Other Guy: “No, but there is a ‘U’ in c**t.”

The genuinely loud laughter from the girls he was trying so hard to impress was enough to make him shut up for the rest of the day.

A customer comes into my checkout lane who is on a video call with her boyfriend. Customers on their phone during the transaction usually annoy me, so initially I’m pleased to see her place her phone down so that she can scan her items.

That is, until I see her boyfriend on the other end of the video call, naked as the day he was born. Nothing sexual was happening; he was just… without clothes.

My eyes go wide for a moment, but I look literally anywhere else as I scan the customer’s items. The next customer sees the phone too, and says out loud:

Next Customer: “Huh, that’s an interesting piercing, must have really hurt though!”

The boyfriend on the other end totally freaked out and ran away.

Customer: *To the next customer.* “F*** you, you pervert! You weren’t supposed to look at that!”

Next Customer: “You put a video call of your naked boyfriend in front of all of us to see, I’m going to look.”

The customer looks to me for some kind of backup.

Me: “I also caught a glimpse of the piercing, ma’am, so maybe next time, end the call, or at the very least, place the phone screen down?”

Customer: *Leaving her items behind and storming out.* “You’re all perverts! All of you!”

My boss comes down from the office to speak to one of our mechanics. The mechanic is very good at his job, but his English is a bit work in progress.

Boss: “Hey, [Coworker], did you work on [Customer]’s rims yesterday?”

Coworker: “Yes, boss.”

Boss: “Okay, I know we refer to everything around here as ‘a job’, but let me explain to you why we do not offer customers ‘rim jobs’.”

Caller: “I bought internet from you, but you sold me the wrong kind of internet!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what do you mean by the wrong kind of internet?”

Caller: “It’s the dirty kind! I want the clean version! All I keep seeing are ladies’ underwear, and not the type a modest woman should be wearing!”

Me: “Uh… are these images on the web pages, or are they just appearing out of nowhere in separate boxes?”

Caller: “They’re all on the websites! All on the sides and between the words!”

Me: “Those will be ads, ma’am. Websites like to advertise products to you. Think of them like billboards.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t want to see these ads! Make them stop!”

Me: “I can’t control the ads you see, ma’am. However, some ads will be tailored to the kinds of websites you’ve visited on your computer. If you visit enough sites that… uh… don’t contain women’s underwear, those should go away.”

Caller: “Why would they show them to me in the first place?”

Me: “Are you the only one who uses your computer?”

Caller: “No, my husband uses it.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “…Oh, do you think he bought me underwear?”

That’s not where I was going with that, but sure!

Me: “It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment on that, ma’am. I’m simply saying that the ads sometimes reflect what’s being searched for on the internet.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t want to wear that stuff. Make him stop.”

Me: “Make who stop?”

Caller: “My husband! Make him stop buying me underwear! And take the websites down that sell them!”

Me: “We can’t do any of those things, ma’am. We sell access to the internet; we can’t control what’s on it or how people in your household use it.”

Caller: “I’m beginning to think this whole internet thing was a mistake.”

Me: “…you and a big chunk of the world, ma’am.”

Caller: “Is there a president of the internet I could write to? I want to complain.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You’d have to message the administrators of the website.”

Caller: “Ugh. I’ll just write to my senator like I always do. I don’t expect much from this new one we got… I think he looks at ladies’ underwear too.” *Click.*

Related:
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 19
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 18
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 17
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 16
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 15

My manager is helping me with a customer at my checkout lane when he gets a call on his radio.

Radio: “[Manager], we have a customer in Electronics who might need some… uh… attention?”

Manager: *On the radio while finishing up with the customer.* “What’s the issue?”

Radio: “She’s wearing a fishnet body suit with nothing over it.”

[Manager] and I share a look.

Radio: “…or under it.”

Manager: *Sighs.* “I’ll be right there.”

My manager heads over to Electronics, and I cash my customer out.

Customer: “Well, that should make some interesting store camera footage.”

Me: “At the end of the year, we have a party and play back the best hits from the footage from the previous year. We had to be stricter about the rules and only accept the craziest stuff because last year’s video ran almost two hours.”