It is Friday. My boss remarks that he is going to have fish and chips that evening… because it is Friday.

Me: “It’s interesting what was considered fish, historically. People often wanted to eat things that weren’t officially considered ‘meat’. That’s why there are no beavers in England anymore.”

Boss: *Trying not to laugh* “Bollocks!”

Me: “No, really.”

Boss: “No, that’s nonsense. I’m going to Google that to prove you wrong.” *Pauses* “No… I am not going to Google ‘eat beaver on a Friday’ from a work computer. I am going to Google ‘eat beaver on a Friday’ when I get home.

The matter was never mentioned again.

My husband and I, along with two of his siblings, all get married within a six-month timeframe. A family friend on their side gifts each couple with a weekend marriage retreat. We each go on a separate weekend, and we are now chatting about our time at a family dinner.

Sister-In-Law: “[Husband] and I had dinner at [Restaurant] and then watched [TV Show] at the hotel. What about you guys?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Wife] and I went to [Restaurant] and watched a movie back at the hotel.”

Me: “We went to [Restaurant] for dinner and then window-shopped around the town. Just enjoyed each other’s company.”

Sister-In-Law: “Did you guys watch anything?”

My Husband: “I don’t think we turned on the TV at all while we were there.”

Sister-In-Law: “Really? So, what did you do during the breaks between [Retreat] sessions?”

My Husband: “Err, what do you think a newlywed couple would be doing during their time alone?”

She turned a few shades of red.

I work for an online shopping company. If there is something wrong with a delivery or return, we often send a legal statement out that will usually help with getting a refund pulled through faster while an investigation is made.

Most customers are okay with filling it out and sending it back as a picture or scan, while others need help. Some have — for a lack of better words — funny ways to fill out the document.

Some have used MS Paint with crayon-lookalike writing or used all the different colours, fonts, and other decorations available in MS Word.

My coworker, however, got a slightly bigger surprise than most, when this customer’s picture of the document had a very good view of their… private area.

At least they were wearing underwear?

CONTENT WARNING: Gross

I work in a pet store. A customer comes up and asks, with no warning:

Customer: “Do you sell condoms for dogs?”

I somehow manage to maintain a straight face.

Me: “…no.”

The customer grunts and wanders off. My manager, who overheard, comes over.

Manager: “I really wanted to ask him who would’ve been rolling ’em on if we did.”

I work the morning front desk shift at a long-term stay hotel on an island in the Pacific Northwest. Today, a guest encounter at first gave me anxiety, but then I got a good laugh when it was all over.

In the pass down from the night audit shift, I read that a guest had called down to report that the air conditioning wasn’t getting cold enough. The night audit employee offered to fix it — very easy button-pushing involved — and the guest declined service, yet the note said they were extremely upset. They were rewarded 10,000 member points, and [Employee] apologized profusely. So, it was clear we had an entitled jerk to deal with.

Later in the morning, this same guest called down and said their room was “too hot” (72°F) and they didn’t sleep at all. My manager happened to be the one to answer their call, and wow, did it escalate. When [Manager] offered to come up to the room and fix the air conditioning (again), I could hear the guest shouting over the phone.

Guest: “Absolutely not! I’m naked right now! Jesus Christ. How many times have I told you it’s too hot in here?!”

My manager turned bright red.

Manager: “Ma’am, you’ve given us no opportunity to fix this problem, and we are willing to award you more points for the complaint; however, we suggest you seek accommodation elsewhere if our hotel is not to your liking.”

The guest screamed something again and hung up.

A few hours passed, and I was ready for a fight when the problem guest came to the front desk to check out. She glared at me as I was printing her receipt and asked a series of confusing questions about where she had parked and how to take the closest exit there.

Guest: “As you can see I’ve injured my leg; there is a brace and there are pins in it. This pharmacy in your stupid town doesn’t have my medication, so I’m pissed off at the world. Also, I found two fleas in my room, and I don’t have a dog!”

I politely handed her the receipt and finally looked up to make eye contact and tell her goodbye. Her mask said — I swear to God — “Shut up, Karen,” in big white lettering.

I’m still not over the irony of it all.