(The zoo sells these SpongeBob ice creams with gumball eyes. I overhear this mother telling her young son eating one outside one of the restaurants…)
Mom: “Oh look, honey, when you licked his balls you got stuff all over your face!”
(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)
Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”
Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”
Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”
Me: “Sir I–”
Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”
Me: “Sir, I think that–”
Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”
(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)
Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”
Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”
Woman: “[A disturbing p*rn site that I would not recommend viewing].”
Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”
Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”
Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”
(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)
(In our hospital sleep lab, we have a bunch of rooms with beds for people to sleep on. Every room is monitored and recorded with a video camera so we can watch the patients while they’re sleeping. One day, my daughter’s math teacher came in…)
Me: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher]! Let me hook you up and you can get to sleep.”
Teacher: “All right.”
(I hook him up and tell him to try to sleep as quickly as he can. We don’t give our patients sleep medication because that could interfere with their normal sleep habits. As I return to the control room, I hear hysterical laughter.)
Me: “What’s going on?”
Coworker: “Who did you say that guy was?”
Me: “Oh! My daughter’s math teacher at her high school.”
(Everyone laughs harder.)
Me: “What is going on?”
(My coworker points to the screen showing Mr. [Teacher]’s room. He’s masturbating.)
Me: *over the intercom* “MR. [Teacher], PLEASE! You are being recorded!”
Teacher: “But you said to go to sleep as fast as I can!”
Me: “That’s not appropriate!”
Teacher: “Well, fine! I guess a man can’t get any privacy when he’s trying to sleep! YOU’RE inappropriate! Why the h*** were you watching me?!” *gets dressed and storms out of the hospital*
(I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast-food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.)
Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?”
Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.”
Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!”
Me: “Okay….”
(I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…)
Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?”
Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change*
Customer: *to his girlfriend* “Blue turns me on…”
(I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.)
This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
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Read the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!
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(I work at an adult novelty shop. A man and a woman come into the store together, obviously a pair. The man comes to the front counter, pays for a sex toy (think of the first Austin Powers movie) and leaves. A bit later, the woman comes up to the front desk.)
Woman: “Have you seen my husband?”
Me: “Ooooh. Um. I think he just left.”
Woman: “Oh, really?” *gets on her cellphone* “Hey, honey! Forget something!?”
(A few moments later, the front door flies open and the man sulks in, meets back up with his wife, and they both leave together.)
Coworker: “I’m glad he came back for her. I don’t think she’d fit in the lost-and-found.”
