Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Why Some Folks Have Children

, , , | Right | March 17, 2008

(A man comes in with about 4 children running about behind him. He comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah…I’m looking for some *whispers*…p*rn.”

Me: “You mean adult movies?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock those here.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “There are some stores in the town centre. Perhaps you can try there?”

Customer: “I want some p*rn now! What kind of store is this?”

Me: “I apologise, but we don’t stock adult movies.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I only want to watch some p*rn with my wife.”

Me: “Sorry, this is a family store.”

Customer: “MAYBE IT’S FOR THE KIDS TOO! ”

(Customer storms out with all 4 children jumping around behind him as I stand there dumbfounded.)

I’ll Take A Double Entendre With A Side Of Innuendo

, , , | Right | March 8, 2008

(I was a pump attendant (Oregon is a no-self-serve state) and a fairly attractive middle-aged woman in a mid 90’s Ford pickup pulled up for fuel. Now, that style of truck has two gas tanks, one in front, one in back. Here’s our conversation:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Her: “I just need ten bucks worth of diesel, please.”

Me: “Okay, which tank?”

Her: “Oh, I think I’ll take it in the rear tonight!”

(We both paused, she turned bright red, and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing!)

This Little Piggy Went To H***

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(I do some ID verification stuff.)

Me: “All right, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no.”

Me: “Piggly… Wiggly… F***er.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah… thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*


Did you find this story using our Teacher roundup?

Click here to read the first story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2008

(A woman calls in, telling me that she rented Good Luck Chuck for her young son’s sleepover without watching the movie first. She showed the movie to a party of young boys, and then had to call their parents to apologize.)

Woman: “I need to know how I can prevent this from happening in the future.”

Me: “Well, if you bring the movie up to the counter, chances are that somebody has seen the movie, and if they haven’t we can point you in the direction of a movie that would be appropriate.”

Woman: “This movie says ‘unrated.’ It should be okay!”

Me: “Actually, ‘unrated’ means that things have been put into the movie that couldn’t be shown in theaters.”

Woman: “What? I’ve seen CARTOONS that are unrated.”

(I assume she’s talking about ‘not rated,’ but decide that telling her that there’s a difference will just make her angrier.)

Me: “Well, if you flip over and read the back of the movie, under the rating it will tell you what it is rated that for–”

Woman: *sounding angry* “Yeah, I know, I read it. It says, ‘Nudity, Strong Sexual Content, Drug Use, and Adult Language.’ EVERY movie has that.”

Me: “I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. All I can suggest is that if you’re not sure, you can bring the movie up to the counter and we can help you. Would you like me to put a free movie on your account?”

Woman: “I don’t think you should even carry this movie on your shelves, it’s disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only get what Corporate sends us.”

Woman: “Who can I complain to?”

Me: “All I can do is put a free movie on your account for the inconvenience. Our company gets the movies with the ratings from the production companies–”

Woman: “How can I call the production companies?”

Me: “Um, I guess you could search for them on Google?”

Woman: “Good, I am going to call the production company right now and complain.”

Me: *trying desperately not to laugh* “Okay, I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, have a nice night.”

(She hung up the phone and I immediately burst out laughing–apparently a label saying, “UNRATED – CHUCKED UP EDITION,” in giant letters, as well as all of the warnings on the back and just the plot of the movie are not enough warning. Does she want us to put up a sign saying, “DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE FOR YOUR SON’S SLEEPOVER?”)

Worst. Advertising. Ever.

, , , | Right | January 16, 2008

(My first day on the job at a Halloween shop, my manager decides that we aren’t getting enough business and proceeds to hand me a plastic pitchfork, wrap a feather boa around my neck, and shove me out onto a street corner in the ghetto with a sign.)

People: *in a passing car* “SATANIST B***H!” *throws ketchup packets at me*

(A short time later, a white car driven by an older man pulls up.)

Older Man: “Miss?”

Me: *walks over* “Yes?”

Older Man: “How much?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Older Man: “Well, I don’t usually go for the satanic-looking type. I guess you could get out of all that black…”

Me: “What the… oh…” *I start laughing hysterically*

Older Man: “What? You aren’t?”

Me: *I point up towards the store* “Mister, I work for the Halloween shop…”

Older Man: “Oh, when do you open?”

Me:I don’t. The store is open now, though.”

(The older man blushed and sped away. After that, I picked up my sign, went back to the store, and told my manager that I refused to do that ever again.)


This story is part of the Crazy-First-Day roundup!

Read the next Crazy-First-Day roundup story!

Read the Crazy-First-Day roundup!