Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

, , | Right | August 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?

Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

(I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

Caller: *hangs up*

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Effective Marketing

, | Right | August 10, 2008

(An elderly woman is complaining to my manager about a recent ad in which a woman appears in lingerie. The ad is promoting a special on two fish sandwiches for $4.)

Woman: “I was so offended. I can’t believe they would show that on TV. Children might have been watching!”

Manager: “I’m very sorry you were offended, ma’am.”

Woman: “It was so offensive! Is there anyone I can talk to?”

Manager: “I can give you the number for the regional office or you can send an email from the website.”

Woman: “It was just so offensive!”

Manager: “Again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches.”

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Grog Carry Bag, Grog Not Fashion Consultant

, , , | Right | August 9, 2008

Customer: “What do you think about this bra?”

Customer’s husband: “Umm… sure.”

Customer: “Okay, should I get this one in white or black?”

Customer’s husband: “I don’t know! I don’t wear them, I just take them off of you!”

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Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

, , , | Right | July 18, 2008

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a–” *ahem* “–content which we cannot print.”

Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

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Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy

, , | Romantic | July 17, 2008

(Please note that I work in a beautiful 4-star hotel.)

Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.”

Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?”

Wife: “How much is it?”

Me: “$127.”

Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.

Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.”

Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!”

(22 minutes later…)

Wife: “We would like to have our money back.”

Me: May I ask you why?

Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but I can’t give you your money back… you stayed in the room for 25 minutes.”

Wife: “… and?!”

Me: “Why didn’t you come back after 5 minutes?”

Wife: “… because!”

(We all know what they did during 25 minutes!)

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