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5 Stories About Customers Being Too Stupid To Use Technology!

| Right | September 3, 2018

Technology is all around us, improving our lives and allowing you to read stories about stupid customers on your phones. Customers like the following sorry collection, who will inevitably be the first to go when the great robot revolution begins:

The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

Tech Support | USA

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s try resetting your modem.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Is there a button on the modem?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “That’s okay. Not all modems have a reset button. We can just unplug it and plug it back in.”

Customer: “Which cord do I unplug?”

Me: “The one that plugs into the wall.”

Customer: “Which one is that?”

Me: “Do you see those larger wires come from the back that goes into your computer?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “None of the wires that look like that.”

Customer: “Oh… okay. So this small one that says Modem?”

Me: “That’s the one.”

Customer: “What about this other one?”

Me: “What other one?”

Customer: “There’s another thin wire that goes to this other box.”

Me: “That’s for your phone. Leave that one alone.”

Customer: “Okay. So pull out that wire?”

Me: “No. Just–”

Customer: *click*

 

The CDs Are Full But The Mind Is Blank

Tech Support | USA

Me: “Alright, sir, I looked at your computer and it looks like you need to reinstall your office software before we can proceed.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Can you show me where your software installation CDs are?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “The CDs that your office software came on when you first bought them.”

Customer: “Oh, I threw those out.”

Me: “Why? Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, of course not. I installed the software and then threw out the empty discs.”

 

Byte Off More Than You Can Chew

Computer Store | USA

Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, a few of my friends have been talking about this ‘internet’ thing. Is it any good?”

Me: “Yes, it is very useful. I use it all the time.”

Customer: “Oh, good.” *pulls something from his pocket*

Customer: “Could you put it on to this floppy disc for me, please?”

Me: “The entire Internet?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

 

Taxing Faxing

Furniture Store | USA

Me: “Hello Mrs. [Customer’s Name], I have the bid for your cabinets done.”

Customer: “Great, thanks! Can you fax me a copy?”

Me: “No problem, what’s the number?”

Customer: *gives me the number*

Me: “Okay, I will send it over right now.”

Customer: “One more thing, this fax is at my work – could you please fold the paper in half before you fax it? I don’t want any of my coworkers to know that I am remodeling my house!”

 

Time Is Money

Copy Shop | USA

(A distressed older gentleman approached me, after having used the self-service copy machines.)

Customer: “I only made four copies in black and white and it’s charging me $19.50!”

Me: “Hmm, that’s a bit odd. Did you take your credit card out already, sir?”

Customer: “Yes! And it started charging me!”

Me: “Wait. It shouldn’t be doing something like that…”

Customer: “It is!”

(We walk over to the copy machine in question.)

Customer: *points* “See? It’s even going up to $19.53!”

(One quick glance and I instantly know what’s wrong.)

Me: “Sir, that is the clock.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Once you eject your card, it goes to the clock, and our card readers they’re set to 24-hour time.”

Customer: “Ooohhh! Thank you!”

 

If you or someone you know have had your own “slaps forehead” experience with technology, share it with us here, so we can all be better prepared for when SkyNet starts the robopocalypse!

Independence Day Roundup

, | Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | July 4, 2018

Happy Birthday to the United States of America!  Today we celebrate… with barbeques and picnics and parties and, of course, lots and lots of fireworks.

Here are some of our favorite stories about the Fourth of July.  Enjoy!  And if you’d like to share your own tale of the Fourth, leave us a comment or submit it here!

 

Happy Treason Day! — But will they be serving tea?

Viva La Revelation — There’s no independence from annoying customers…

Independent Of The Closing Times — …or the entitled customers…

Independent Of This Holiday — …or the geographically confused customer.

Independent Of Your Day — Some Americans still forget that Canada is not the US.

The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One — Some British still forget that the US is not part of Great Britain.

Murica! The Lullaby — Well, is there one?

Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display — Same holiday, different day?

Were You Born On The Third Of July? — Same holiday, different month?

Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion — Same holiday, different holiday?

Leap Days Of Logic — Different country, different calendar?

An Argument For The Separation Of Church And State — And sometimes folks forget that we still have ties to where our country came from!

 

 

 

Monthly Roundup: June 2018

, | Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | July 2, 2018

It’s time for the June roundup! Our editors have decided among themselves which stories in June deserve the extra attention, regardless of the number of thumbs-ups they received. Out of the 807 stories we posted in the month, we’ve singled out fourteen.

If there are any stories from the last month you feel we should have included, please let us know in the comments!

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite stories in the poll below! Note: You can choose up to three. The winner of the previous roundup poll was Sued To Satisfaction, from the Right category!

 

Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is – I have less than zero authority to give you a discount, which is also the number of f***’s I give.

Dusting Off The Scum – Don’t do the crime if you can’t turn off the cameras.

Their Biggest Handicap Is Themself – Don’t piss off a mama bear!

What The Check Are You Playing At –  Checks will bounce, like customers will off of windows.

Not The Kind Of “Fall Into My Arms” Story We’re Used To – Old people come fully armed and ready to serve.

No Red Alerts For This Red Light – Cops are humans too.

It’s Not The Postman Going Postal Today – What happens when you take their “rules” and throw it right back at them.

They’re All Tuned In To Each Other – This is going to get you all rent out of shape.

They Went Back To The Future – Growing old together doesn’t mean growing up!

If You Treat The Cows Like Crap… – The second half of this title needs no explanation.

Sometimes You Just Have To Bear With Them – They were bear-ly aware.

These Finals Are A Piece Of Cake – This dorm is not the norm… sadly.

The Worst Of Times Brings Out The Best In People – Where were YOU when 9/11 happened?

Don’t Know Their Own Monkey-Business – Know your monkeys, or the little monkeys will teach you.

 

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May The Fourth Be With You

| Right | May 4, 2018

It’s May The Fourth, so we thought it would be a fun time to revisit some of our best (or worst) Star Wars themed customer interactions:

May the fourth be with you!

St Patrick’s Day Roundup

| Right | March 17, 2018

What’s the craic? Some of you might have noticed that today is the day where everyone is a little bit Irish and we all come together to celebrate the Patron Saint of Ireland, and the country of Ireland itself. Here are ten stories to shimmy your shamrock, so grab a pint of Guinness, and a bunch of other Irish stereotypes as we delve in!

Do you have a story of Ireland, the Irish, or of St Patrick’s Day?  Tell us your tale in the comments, or submit it here!

 

Trying To Read It In Blackest Night – If you can’t tell who is wearing green for St Patrick’s Day, are they wearing green?

Brogue On A Dime – Authenticity is all in how you say it.

Wherever You Go, There US Are – There are Irish people in Ireland!

Should Éire On The Side Of Caution – Ireland is not part of another country…

Ireland Is A Cottage Industry – …nor is Ireland stuck in Medieval times.

Her Belief Is A Shamrock – Wait, which holiday is it?

Scrooge-Fest – Bah, Humbug, indeed!

The Ire Of The Irish – The Irish only speak Irish?

You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me – Although some Irish people do speak Irish!

His Translation Is A Sham(rock) – I do not think it means what you think it means.