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Food For Thoughtful

, , | Hopeless | May 22, 2016

(It’s mid-November and I’m about to get paid. HR calls me into the office.)

HR: “The unemployment office has decided that it overpaid you $400 a year ago. Sign here so they’ll confirm that you know they’re taking $290 out now and the rest in December.”

(I go back to my desk in near-hysterics because due to finances being tight, I’ve had to put off buying the plane ticket for my trip in two weeks. That night, I buy my plane ticket and have exactly $12 to live on for the next two weeks.)

Roommate: “Did you get the ticket?”

Me: “Yeah, but I wish I could cancel it.”

Roommate: “Don’t you want to go?”

Me: “I haven’t bought food yet and I have $12 until mid-December. I could really use the plane ticket money instead.”

(She sympathized and cheered me up by making cookies. The next day, I went to bed before she got home and woke up just before I had to get up for work. When I got to the landing of the stairs, I couldn’t get through because of bags, so I turned on the light. On the wall was a sign saying that for my birthday next week, she hoped I enjoyed all the food in those bags and the pizza in the freezer.)

TwiHards Are From Venus, I’m From Veronica Mars

, , , , | Friendly | July 22, 2015

(I’m watching ‘Parenthood,’ starring Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell’s husband. My roommate has mentioned at least twice a season that he’s married to Kristen Bell because she’s such a Veronica Mars fan that she made me watch season one on vacation and we saw the movie an hour drive away.)

Roommate: “So, Kristen Stewart’s husband on this show.”

Me: “Kristen Bell.”

Roommate: “Right.”

Me: “Did you really just mix up Bella Swan and Veronica Mars? I don’t want to know you.”


The Arraign In Spain Falls Mainly On The Plaintiff

, , , , , | Friendly | March 18, 2015

(My roommate and I travel regularly and we are planning to be in Spain for my birthday this November. She wants to be conversational in Spanish and since I’m bilingual, I’m helping her. Meanwhile, I’m studying to certify as a court interpreter.)

Roommate: “Hey, after dinner, do you want help with your legal terms flashcards?”

Me: “That would be great! Thanks!”

Roommate: “That could teach me some more Spanish!”

(Later, we’re both writing out several hundred Spanish legal terms and she’s reading out the ones she is interested in. I do the same.)

Roommate: “Statutory rape…”

Me: “Litigation…”

Roommate: “Subpoena…”

Me: “If those are the words you need to know, you’re not coming with me to Spain!”

This story is part of our Spain-themed roundup!

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The Tricky Side To The Relationship

, , | Romantic | September 30, 2013

(I am hanging out with my boyfriend and his roommate at their apartment. I get up to grab myself a snack.)

Boyfriend: “Could you get me something as well?”

(I cut him a piece of salami, come back to the couch we were sitting on, and wave it over his head.)

Me: “Roll over!”

Boyfriend: *rolls over*

Me: “Play dead!”

Boyfriend: *flops down on his back and closes his eyes*

Me: “Speak!”

Boyfriend: *grinning widely* “HI!”

Me: “Good boy.” *I hand him the salami*

Roommate: *pulling his phone out* “I’ve wanted to do this for a week now.”

(Our roommate jerked the phone in a whip-like motion, which made it emit a loud whipping noise.)