Pregnant Males? That’s Baller

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2018

(I work at a very well-known pet store that sells live animals. A few months into working there a visibly concerned elderly gentlemen comes up to me.)

Elderly Man: “Excuse me, miss, I believe one of your hamsters is… giving birth.”

(I know this is very unlikely considering males and females are housed separately, but mistakes are occasionally made. I go over to where the alleged pregnant hamster is.)

Me: “Um… sir, these are male hamsters, it’s impossible for any of them to be giving birth, and there aren’t any babies in the tank.”

Elderly Man: “But what’s coming out of that one’s butt?”

Me: “…those are his testicles, sir.”

Elderly Man: *visibly embarrassed considering he was with his wife and grandchildren* “Well, thank you for checking out the situation for us.”

(I haven’t seen them in the store since.)

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Give Them An Inch…

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I am the customer in this story. I’m getting my hair cut at a chain that primarily caters to men. My hairstylist is a woman.)

Hairstylist: “I’m going to cut it a little longer, and we can go shorter if you like, so it matches the picture.”

Me: “That’s fine. I guess people have yelled at you in the past for giving them exactly what they asked for?”

Hairstylist: “Yeah. They don’t realize how short it actually is when it’s on their head.”

Me: “Let me guess. ‘I want an inch left on top!’ and…”

Hairstylist: “No idea that an inch is only this much.”

(She holds her fingers an inch apart.)

Me: “Then again, do you really trust us guys to know how big an inch is?”

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