Excuse Their French

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2019

(I overhear a great conversation between two kids while at work.)

Kid #1: “I don’t know what language that was in.”

Kid #2: “I was speaking the cheese language! You know, fromage?”

Kid #1: “That’s French.”

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Have You Tried Checking The Sewers?

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2019

Customer: “I would like to learn about your turtles.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t carry turtles.”

Customer: “Well, what about that one up front?”

Me: “That’s actually a tortoise.”

Customer: “Oh, where can I find little turtles?”

Coworker: “It’s actually illegal to sell and own turtles under four inches in New York State.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Do you know where I can buy an illegal turtle?”

Coworker: “Umm… A state other than New York?”

(Thinking she might not be understanding what illegal is, I decide to chime back in.)

Me: “You could get arrested for having a turtle that size.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll have to search around, then. Thanks!”

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Customers’ Visual Acuity Is Based On Movement…

, , , , , | Right | July 22, 2019

(I am working in the drive-thru booth late one night when a seemingly normal customer drives up to the speaker.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you tonight?”

Customer: “Can I have a minute?”

Me: “Sure, just let me know when you’re ready!”

Customer: *about ten minutes later* “Ma’am, are you still there?”

Me: *cheerily* “Yes, I’m here!”

(Suddenly, the customer transforms into an obnoxious drunk customer of doom.)

Customer: “WHERE?”

Me: *confused* “Um, right here, at [Store], ready to take your order!”

Customer: “No, no, I’m at [Store]. You’re not here. Where are you?!”

Me: “I’m… I’m inside the store, sir.”

Customer: “BUT I DON’T SEE YOU ANYWHERE!”

Me: “…”

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The Future Economy

, , , , , | Friendly | July 16, 2019

(I often overhear a lot of funny things from kids while I’m at work, but this one takes the cake.)

Child #1: “I have more money than anyone else in the world!”

Child #2: “Yeah, he has twenty-three dollars!”

(I stifled my laughter and sadness as I realized that I had less money than that child. Kids are sometimes pretty great.)

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Unfiltered Story #141650

, , , | Unfiltered | February 25, 2019

(I work the service desk at a well-known retail chain, and often get phone calls starting with, “So I was in your store earlier and I never got this item I bought…” Today I got one of those calls.)
*Phone rings*
Me: “Thank you for calling (store name and town), how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, hi, I was in your store earlier and I bought a discounted pie that I never got.”
Me: “Alright, no problem. Do you remember which register you were at?” (I am prepared to help him locate the register number on the receipt when he starts swearing a blue streak at me.)
Customer: “That ****ing cashier stole my ****ing pie! It was a discounted pie, why the **** would they want it? I ****ing demand my pie and a refund!”
Me: “Sir, if you can just calm down, I can get it from the register and hold it at the service desk-“
Customer: “No, they ****ing stole my ****ing pie! (Insert long string of profanities here. I attempt once more to offer a solution but he cuts me off and continues swearing at me about how I work with a bunch of thieves.)
Me: “Alright sir let me just connect you to my supervisor. Hold on one minute.” *on the walkie* “CSM, can you get the phone call on line one?”
CSM: *picks up the phone, listens for a minute, then hangs up.*
Me: “What was that about?”
CSM: “He wouldn’t stop swearing at me so I hung up on him.” *smiles at me and then walks off to do other things.*

(Update: the pie was brought up to the desk later that afternoon. It cost a whopping $3 and was in terrible condition, and he never came back for it either. All this fuss over a busted up pie that he didn’t even want to return for.)