(My store is running a clearance event with additional markdowns listed on items by way of large stickers showing 33%, 50% off, etc. I notice that several of the items that had been placed on one set of tables do not have an original price listed, so customers would have no way of calculating what the final price would be. I walk an associate over to explain what I want her to do.)

Me: “Grab a clearance sticker gun and go ahead and make sure everything on these tables is ticketed.”

Associate: “Correctly?”

Me: *laughing a little at first, because I think she’s kidding, but then a little sad when I realize she’s not* “Yes, well, that would be the point.”

(I am the cashier at a supermarket. Someone unusual has decided to shop here today.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”

Customer: “LETTUCE!”

Me “Uhh… lettuce?”

Customer: “GRAPES!”

Me: “Do you want lettuce and grapes?”

Customer: “HONEY ALL OVER MY BODY!”

Me: “Um… ma’am, the honey is over on aisle seven—”

Customer: *leaning over the counter* “I don’t want that honey. Just you, baaaby!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you drunk?”

Customer: “No, just drunk on my love for you. Come, rub that lettuce all over my p****!”

Me: “Ma’am, please leave me alone.”

Customer: “Kiss me!”

(She leans over and tries to kiss my neck. I call security and they drag her away.)

Customer: “Only yooouuu…”

(It turned out that the woman was very intoxicated.)

(I get called to a register to assist with a customer who has asked to speak to a manager.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: *waving a receipt in the air* “Yes, I was here last week, and I spent WELL over $30 on [Brand Candle] products, so I was entitled to the free candle “gift with purchase.” But that cashier said you didn’t have any more, so I couldn’t get it!”

(She continues badmouthing “that cashier” for several more moments, finishing with “She’s here today, but I’m not going to say who it was though…”)

Customer: “Now I’m in here today, and the signs are still up! That’s false advertising, if signs are still up for a free gift you don’t even have!”

Me: “Okay, well, I do apologize about that. I happen to have the free candle in stock today, so I can certainly take care of that for you right now.”

(I use her receipt to start processing the transaction, and she starts being nicer and back-pedaling a bit about the cashier from last time, saying that she wasn’t trying to get her in trouble or anything, and that she’s always so nice and helpful all the time. She again says she won’t name names, especially since she’s getting what she wants now, but I can tell which cashier did the original transaction from looking at the receipt. As I finish up the new transaction, I put on my most forbidding and serious voice and face.)

Me: “I do apologize again for your inconvenience, ma’am. It was completely unacceptable, and I will make sure that [Cashier] is addressed regarding this matter.”

Customer: *uncertain and a little nervous at this point* “Umm… Oh, no, she’s usually so great!”

Me: *ominously* “It WILL be addressed. I’ll see to it personally.”

Customer: “Uhh, nicely, I hope! Thanks!” *practically runs out the door*

(I run over to the cashier, who is at her station near the window.)

Me: “Hey, see that lady? Do you recognize her?”

Cashier: “Yeah, she’s a regular. She’s in here all the time!”

Me: “Well, she didn’t hesitate before throwing you under the bus…”

(I explain what just happened, and my response.)

Me: “So consider yourself addressed and next time you see her, pretend you almost got fired over a stupid free candle.”

(This has become a joke in the store for how ridiculous people can be, but I hope that lady went home feeling horrible that she might have gotten someone in serious trouble over something so stupid. Nothing like trying to mess with someone’s livelihood over a $10 free gift.)

(I work behind the customer service desk at a supermarket chain. I get a lot of annoying or bizarre returns that I have to process, but this one is particularly memorable. An older woman storms up to the desk to return a single pint of blueberries, claiming that she actually bought two.)

Customer: “I want to return these. I just bought these today, and I went through both cartons, and they were all bad!”

Me: “All right, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, I don’t. I bought them today. They were buy-one-get-one-free.”

Me: “Since you don’t have a receipt, it’ll have to be store credit. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have much of a choice, now, do I?”

(I just sort of laugh awkwardly at her snotty comment and ring in the blueberries. The refund comes to $4.99. I scan a gift card and hand it to her.)

Me: Okay, here you go. You have $4.99 on that.”

Customer: “$4.99?! Where’s my double?! I can’t believe I wasted my gas coming here!”

(She stomped off after flinging the receipt on the counter. There was no way she would have gotten a $9.98 return because she only brought back one container and didn’t have the receipt. They were “buy-one-get-one-free,” anyway. A refund of “free” is nothing.)

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 31
Refunder Blunder, Part 30
Refunder Blunder, Part 29

(I am with my grandmother, who gets tons of sales calls, which everyone in the house finds obnoxious. One day, I answer the phone for her.)

Salesperson: “Hello, this is Medicare. Can I speak to [Grandmother]?”

Me: “She’s dead.”

Salesperson: “Okay, I’ll make a note of that on her file. Goodbye.”

(He hangs up. My grandmother is staring at me in shock.)

Grandma: “DID YOU JUST TELL MEDICARE THAT I DIED?! I’LL LOSE MY INSURANCE!”

(Naturally, I freak out. I’m near hysterical as I call the company and tell them what I had done.)

Medicare Person: “Did someone call the house? Because Medicare only calls if you have made an appointment in advance. We still have her alive on here.”

(So luckily they were scammers. However, I will never do that again. Ever.)